A bit weird around food ...

[Dandelion]

Over the decades, I noticed my NM often got "ragey" after eating or around mealtimes.  Partly because they were "social" occasions, but also I wondered if it was the food itself, the satiation factor?   The middle or towards the end of a large meal was often a 'danger point'. 

Other than that my mother was fairly "normal" around food ie. no eating disorders.  Though later in life I did notice her doing things like shoving chips (fries I think you call them in the US) or ice cream very greedily even obscenely, when before she was very neutral even non-interested in food. It was rare but noticeable; a friend of hers alluded to the gluttony as self-disgust.   

For my NM, money was definitely a trigger.  Gifts were a trigger. Holidays were a trigger.  Celebrations were a trigger. Etc.  But also ... food ... in some way that I don't quite understand. 

(I should add I am a greedy gannet and love food, but I am not triggered into horrible rages after having a nice meal  .)

[Cat of the Canals]

Were these events where there were visitors/guests that would be leaving after the meal? My uPD mil often got hostile when it came time for us to leave after a holiday dinner. She'd demand to know why we had to leave in a very haughty tone of voice (ummm... because we don't live here, and it's time to go home???). Then she would insist we take leftovers home with us and literally spend nearly an hour "packing things up." 

[Dandelion]

Hi CatOftheCanals, not really about me "leaving" after a meal.  It seemed more like she'd had some food so now it's time to 'relax' and let out some bile. It's just one of those odd things you notice, but maybe that's just a thing that was peculiar to her. 

[Pepin]

My MIL has issues surrounding food.  Food makes her behave from a place of superiority especially if it is a restaurant she likes or if she has prepared the food.  She seems like she is on a high and has no hesitation in stoking her status until it is time to part ways.  Generally all of our get togethers have taken place around food.  She becomes a completely different person. 

One thing I have noticed is that when we go to a nicer restaurant or a new one that she seems uncomfortable and needs help ordering.  She will often choose the cheapest thing on the menu or from the children's menu and suddenly claim that she is not hungry when she knew well in advance of our restaurant plans.  She will also not be as social and if I am having a conversation with DH, interrupt in her native tongue as if I am invisible. 

It is also at these places that she will push some food onto DH's plate from her plate further enforcing that she is not that hungry but really it is because she doesn't like the food.  I think this is her way of punishing me because she didn't get to choose the restaurant and she likely thinks that I was behind the choice. 

Same thing happens when she eats in our home.  Eats very little and in a manner that suggests that she is super frail but eats what she is served because DH is watching.  Comments of praise are directed to DH if she saw that he was directly responsible for preparing something that was served.  *sigh*

I always thought it was nuts the way people like this use food as a weapon and it took me the longest time to understand this.  Power. 

PDmil also took pleasure in always showing up with food to our home without asking.  Every single time.  This got old after a while and I told DH that it had to stop as food was going to waste.  He begrudgingly did it and it definitely caused friction.  For many people providing food is an act of love but for PDmil it was an act of manipulation.  Sometimes she would bring something over that she specifically prepared for DH alone that only he could have...particularly before he has to travel for work. 

I feel that all of her behaviors support a quiet rage she has against me being DH's wife.

[Empie2204]

It seems that food is really a big tool for PDs.
When I first visited a therapist (alone) he told me to ask my H is he hungry for love.
It was after I told the T that with my H everything about food should be perfect. Wheter I was the cook or was that a public place or the visit at somebody´s home. With me, my H was a direct harsh critic. In those other cases he always discussed the quality of meals with me, later. It was never good. Sorry, it was not a discussion, it was a monologue.
When my H cooked, his motives were never honest, it was to show me and the others that he knows the best. Even when his meals were a failure.

All this derived from his childhood. His mother was seriously ill in his formative period and that left its mark on him. Later, when she recovered, she tried to compensate this missing time with a perfect household and meals. Apart from that, my MIL herself had some PD traits. Of course, I learned that later.
From what I was told from other family members, my H "tortured" his mother by never being satisfied. With a mother of a different type, things might have been different. But we will never know.

I guess my first therapist was right. Only, I never asked that question and the T meant it just as a hint for me, because my H would not understand it.

It is probably true that the projection through food is frequent and vital.

[1footouttadefog]

It's my experience that pd people have a huge amount of unresolved experiences/memories that involved narcistic injuries.

It seems this is especially true of narcissists, maybe obviously. Sign

These unresolved injuries to their inner selves are still as raw and sore as the moment they happened.  When triggered the pain they feel is fresh and often leads to rage.

Food and kitchens seem to be related to a great many of these hurts.  Could be she is triggering herself while eati g because a flavor or aroma related to the meal is remind g her of something.