Starting to see things more clearly

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Starting to see things more clearly
« on: April 21, 2021, 09:18:06 AM »
Hi everyone! The past two weeks have been somewhat hard but eye-opening. I've been trying to learn more and found this website just a few days ago - and thank god I did!

Just to tell a bit about me, I'm a young adult in my mid twenties trying to deal with my uNPD mom. Truthfully, I've been trying to do that for over the past decade, but it's starting to be a bit too much. I'm now realizing that going NC would be a really good thing for me, and probably for her too, but it feels terrifying. I will tell more about this in some future post so support in dealing with this would be amazing.

As an ACON, every other day I just try to remind myself that my feelings are valid and that I haven't just made everything up in my imagination. The manipulation and gaslighting starting all the way from my childhood has really fucked up my head and I'm just now really grasping the extent of it.

I have no boundaries because I never realized I had the right to set them for myself. Before finding this community, I didn't even understand what they truly meant. The small attempts in my past have always been seen as insults, so I always thought it was a selfish act. That being said I understand the importance now and want to start taking responsibility for my own happiness.

I feel really depressed and lost, I have no idea where to start. Just reading this website and your posts does make it easier though and I learn new things every day. I'm starting to find myself and it feels great and overwhelming at the same time.

I guess that's all for now. I hope we can help each other by sharing our stories and thoughts in the future! :hug:


Spring Butterfly

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Re: Starting to see things more clearly
« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2021, 09:00:55 PM »
Warmest welcome and I too had no clue about boundaries and found this place in my late 40s and what a blessing you found out sooner rather than later

A good place to start if you havenít seen it already is the toolbox at the top of the forum especially the what to do section

A no contact decision is not to be taken lightly and isnít the answer for everyone. Itís not even always a solution because we take that negative self image and harsh inner critic along with us

You can decide to just take a breather, a break, for an undisclosed amount of time and you donít even need to say a word about it. Thatís what I did, technically not a break but I backed off contact and just started to own my life. I just started doing things that I wanted and got busy living my life

I think the book by Karyl McBride ď Will I ever be good enoughď Is a good roadmap how to take a break, what to do with the time and how / when to reconnecti

Wishing you peace and blessings on your journey
∑ Every interaction w/ PD persons results in damage-plan accordingly, make time to heal
∑ Individuation is one key to emotional freedom
∑ It's foolish to expect of others what they have no capacity to give
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