Surgery is over, but recovery is beginning

[OddFamily]

So grandma had surgery, surgeon said everything went well.  But, and this was discussed with her previously, she has to walk so many minutes every hour and do her PT at home exercises.  Is she doing them to the frequency needed?  No! 
But, mom I think is starting to come Out of the FOG.  I asked how things were going, after she told me she said "She's an adult, and if her not doing what is needed leads to a suboptimal outcome that is not something I can solve.  I can't supervise every minute of the day, I have a life and I want to get back to it".  I just nodded and said yeah, you've been spending a lot of time helping her.  But inwardly I'm thinking "keep making progress". 

[SunnyMeadow]

But, mom I think is starting to come Out of the FOG.  I asked how things were going, after she told me she said "She's an adult, and if her not doing what is needed leads to a suboptimal outcome that is not something I can solve.  I can't supervise every minute of the day, I have a life and I want to get back to it".

This is good! Your mom is definitely looking at this the right way. It took me decades to get to this point.

[Sneezy]

Good for your mom!  She has the right attitude.  My mother never did the PT she should have done after surgery and she is suffering for it now (years later).  But you know what?  There's nothing anyone else could do about it.  It was completely within her power to decide whether or not to follow doctor's orders.  She made her decision.  That's what adults do, at any age.  They make decisions and then bear the consequences.  That doesn't mean I don't feel compassion for my mom and the pain she is in.  And you and your mother will feel compassion for your grandmother if her healing doesn't go well.  But you can't make decisions for her and her recovery from surgery is up to her.

Hope your mother continues her journey Out of the FOG 

[OddFamily]

Me too, Sneezy, she's been in it far too long.  I'll be happy to have my mom back, and I've been up front with both my parents who are getting older:  if what mom is doing now is going to be the expectation for me, I don't think I can do it.