You'll be proud of my new skills

[SparkStillLit]

Updh lit into me the minute I got in the door. This is a new tactic, of late.
I will do absolutely nothing (how could I, barely in the door!), and he will start lighting me up "did you have a bad day, were people shitty, were your coworkers nasty" etc. I say no to all that. My day was fine. Just those responses. He intersperses "why are you so weird" and "don't you think it's weird to (do whatever I'm doing)?" To those types of things I say nothing. I hold myself still and my face blank.
The less response he gets out of me, the more agitated he gets, and starts firing that stuff at me faster and making faces and huffing when I say nothing is wrong, until ultimately he slams doors and huffs/stomps off.
Then later he acts like nothing ever happened.
I just go about my business.
Crazy times.

[square]

I am proud of you.

I got the "you're being weird" thing when I started to get the hang of MC. In my case, he eventually dropped it and withdrew.

MC did reduce our conflicts and my stress. Didn't eliminate either, of course, but absolutely worthwhile, a significant relief. And it certainly improved my self control, and I still feel good about that.

[notrightinthehead]

Applause.
I used to focus on my breathing, counting in, two, three, hold, two, three, out, two, three while being under attack. This allowed me to think of something else, keep my face blanc and only listen with half an ear.  Made it easier to block the messages, like you are being weird, from my mind.
Very proud of you.

[SparkStillLit]

Ohhh I'm still new at it, and I want to JADE or crack off a smart comment so badly, so NRITH I am conscious breathing definitely and also saying over and over to myself "don't respond, don't respond, be a boulder in the river". I almost want to close my eyes, but that would indeed be "weird".
I think it is in response to my getting better at MC, Square. This behavior is really flaring and I'm MC all over the place. I made a decision to cut all drama out and participate in none. Everyone can have drama on their side of the street, if they like, but I'm staying over here and taking care of MYSELF.
Updh has seemingly been pulling out every trick, along with some new ones, to try to wind me up. Then being pissy when I'm not getting wound, and declaring "something is wrong/something is going on, and I'm not telling him."
I have chosen spirit stability, and he doesn't need to know sh!t.

[losingmyself]

Good for you, Spark!! It'll get easier, and eventually he'll figure out that you're not a source of supply, but believe me, he's going to pull out all the stops to get you to react, so, steal yourself. Be a rock.
'Cause you are!

[peace]

Good for you! This is awesome.  Do you feel finally you have gained a sense of control by giving up control! Paradox, I know. Yes, it is very challenging not to react in the heat of the moment, so I find physically detaching / seperating / disengaging has been crucial. After many practices, now I can kind of sense when my uBPw is dysregulated and is coming to me for venting opportunities, and I had to quickly turn around, "oh, I need to get something upstairs..", "Need to use the washroom"...etc. Have you tried something like this?

[SparkStillLit]

Peace, I do the getaway when he goes on his ranting tears.
This lighting me up the minute he sees me is new. Not even just wwhen I come home either, sometimes it's when he finds me minding my own business! Reading or engaged in something.

[SparkStillLit]

I forgot about this one because covid. He waits up and makes me "do stuff" when I go out. Even if I get home at 2am. He will sometimes make me promise ahead of time to "do stuff" when I get back.
I have tried "pleasing" him the day before, or the morning before, but that does not work. It has to be AFTER I come back.
I have no idea what I'll do. I can say no, but I get such a storm of ugly behavior. I guess I can just not care. What's more ugly behavior.

[Lauren17]

I'm proud of you!
This is a hard thing to do, even though it sounds so simple.
At first it went like this.
"Are you ok?"
"Yes, why?"
"Because you're acting weird"
"I'm fine."
I've now learned to drop the "why?" Part of my response. He regularly asks if I'm ok. The answer is always yes.
It's frustrating, but we can do this!

[ToAudrey]

Yay!!!

Dang that is so hard to not start JADE because what the what?!!

I was getting a lot of "you need to talk more" which I took to mean "you aren't saying enough for me to twist"