College coach visits

[Prototypian]

I normally post in separated and divorcing but this isn't a divorce topic; it's about our son and how my spouse and I have to deal with an upcoming event.   

My son is a highly recruited athlete and is entering his senior year.   His entire junior year has been filled with coach calls, when the deadlines past the coaches came to his events and we had many zoom calls.   Now about 7 of the coaches want to do home visits at separate times.   

My spouse is severe uOCPD and has powerful hoarding tendencies and doesn't notice clutter, trash or even animal feces.   We have a nice home; it's large, recently built, custom but filled with 20 plus years of magazines, every single piece of mail that has come in, every article of clothing the kids have ever worn, I can't set rules for the kids about declutterinf or cleaning up because my wife doesn't like most of them and we have even kept every vacuum bag ever used in case there is a Lego.   She hates and deeply emotionally fears waste even to the point that our chickens lay eggs and she just can't throw ones away that she finds in odd places out of fear that they might still be good.

I've tried to work with this before but it's a dead end.  My kids never have anyone over out of embarassment but these coach visits are a big deal from major colleges.   They let you know they really want to see your family and have a visit with you.   

I've got less than a month before this set of events and I feel like I'm supposed to host a wedding in a junkyard with a guard posted to make sure I don't move anything.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

[Poison Ivy]

Ugh. Such a dilemma. Could you schedule the visits to take place on nonhome territory, such as in the lobby of a hotel?

[square]

If it's not possible to clean up the living room or other single public space only, there's only one thing you can do: accept it.

You and your son will have to bear the embarassment that your wife does not feel.

And hold on to the knowledge that yours isn't the only disordered home the coaches have seen.

I will add that sometimes people see the clutter better in photographs than in real life. You could try to show her a photo of the room and ask if she has any ideas for making a good impression for the visits. But you know the best you can hope for is very, very limited, and the disorder will be on display no matter what, clearly visible to all except your wife.

I'm sorry. I wish your son all the best.

[1footouttadefog]

Can you rent an air bnb for the meetings?

[Poison Ivy]

 

[BeautifulCrazy]

Or what about the cottage?

[pushit]

Do you normally allow people in your house or have events elsewhere?  Does your wife clean up for political events or hold everything elsewhere?  Would your son be embarrassed by this?  Would the college coaches be turned off by this?  These are some questions I don't know the answers to, and things to consider here.

Thinking logically, you don't want the disorder to hurt your son's chances so maybe you should consider holding the interview at the cottage, or anywhere else. 

But a big part of me says you should announce to your wife that the interviews will be held at the house, and watch how fast the house gets cleaned up.  It's amazing how they will pay attention to outside eyes seeing what is going on.