Well, so, this is new

[SonofThunder]

There was a dust up last night and this morning. I'm not all surprised by setbacks and falling straight into PD behavior. I whipped out MC and broken record bland statements and things went about as well as to be expected.
There were some what I think were genuine apologies.
While I feel bad about this, I certainly do have all my boundaries firmly up.
I have discussed all this with T and we talked about some risks I could take that weren't too scary.
She also said that he does at this time appear to be genuine, but this is EXTREMELY RARE.
I don't want all of you following along to let this keep you in an ugly situation.
Please protect yourselves.

Spark, thanks for the update and glad to hear you have not let your guard down.  I went back to your original post on this thread and have a question.  What drove him to see a T and MD to begin with, and was he officially diagnosed with BPD or did he self educate into his own diagnosis?   I say this because self-education into a subject (any subject pertinent in the life of a PD or us targets) can be, for my PDw, a large factor in her ability to manipulate in a very covert educated manner, and if it was a very grand negative event/series of events, that sent him to the doctors, then that imo, is a factor in consideration. 

My uPDw was highly manipulated herself, by her uNPDsister who uses medical conditions to solicit sympathy while she covertly designed ways to control my wife into a position of legal powerlessness in helping their father with his healthcare and finances.  It was expertly planned by the uNPDsister and her goals were reached. 

My wife became much more educated on personality disorders through the ordeal and is now operating much more covertly and intensely self-protective/self-focused with me, in which my marriage is now at a place it has not been before.  Luckily, I am very educated on the subject thanks to Out of the FOG and other resources and able to recognize and protect myself.   My uPDw is now much more educated in legal ways to control others and has also been diving deeper into our family finances (my current area of responsibility) and even studying procedures in my state in divorce settlements, acting as if she's being self-protective against me, so she doesn't get caught off guard. 

Therefore, was wondering if self-education allows your husband to potentially build a much stronger, fancier and sympathetic 'facade' (smokescreening) of apologies.  You originally wrote "he keeps doing it (apologizing) every time he displays crappy behavior", and in a way, it's a creative way to deliver crappy behavior, only to hoover the victim back in with an apology and now-educated BPD/Depression excuse to the victim.  All the while, behind the scenes of this new mantra, he's aligning ways and people to better serve his needs. 

Not trying to rain on your parade with negativity,  but being very cautious with you to these highly intelligent and cunning adults we all here have to deal with.

SoT

[SparkStillLit]

SoT: He has been diagnosed by professionals. I don't know, exactly, what drove this all. His T has strongly asked him from reading up on any self diagnostic stuff and whatnot, said it's not helpful and potentially harmful. Said he's too "curious an investigative". Or something of the sort. Not that he will or won't follow her directives. His T works with PDs on purpose and she is well known by my T. I let them lead, in those scenarios.
It's early, I can't tell what exactly is going on. Evidently these low cost risks I can take will reveal to me whether he can maintain better behavior, and that's the real goal and the tell.
Setbacks, sure. But if better behavior can be generally sustained over long periods, then we have indeed turned over a new leaf.
I'm not looking for better behavior just toward me/family, either. It needs to be overall.
The apologies as I see it are taking responsibility. Other than the dust up, they are for past behaviors. They are not following the abuse pattern of shitty behavior, apology, shitty behavior, apology. Previously no apology was ever offered. I got the "whizz it around until it's my fault" veŕsion.
Not that I'm saying bad behavior can be excused now, I'm just trying to paint a picture.
I remain very wary. I'm not at all convinced he won't weaponize any of this. It will be nothing but time to see what happens.

[square]

Sounds like you're in a good position with your guard still up and some low costs risks to test the waters.