Two year anniversary

[JustKeepTrying]

Two years ago I walked out of a thirty-two-year marriage.  I lived my life by the motto - you made your bed.  And the example I had was not helpful.  Parents that were neglectful of my feelings - although they did what they could.  Not sure my father was somewhat of a narc.  I was diagnosed with PTSD and am still dealing with the physical effects of decades of abuse. 

What I didn't anticipate in this two-year period, is the high high and low low.  The emotional swing that I had hoped would be over.  I didn't also anticipate that my DDs would totally buy my ex's story that I'm nuts.  Or that he would kick my DS out of the house.  ANd then not contact him for a year.  I didn't anticipate the absolute struggle with guilt and the enormous amount of self-flagellation I perform out of my actions from living with him.  The emotional toll of recovery was greater than I ever imagined. 

Knowing that I now think this will be a lifetime of recovery.  A lifetime of working on my engrained poor coping skills. 

But I am not one to sit and wallow.  There is an upside.  I am free.  Decisions now are my own.  I am completely on my own.  While my children are struggling, they will be ok.  They are all in therapy.  And they will be ok.  I also have discovered good friends that will be with me regardless.  That is priceless.  I was on my own during the worst of the pandemic here in the US and as such, I survived.  I would not have because i know my ex would not have complied.  He would have killed me.  in all seriousness. 

And in the fall I am planning the beginning of a great retirement.

So my advice to all behind me, beware.  Know the good and bad.  Know there will be ups and downs. 

For me, it was worth it.

[Poison Ivy]

Thank you for sharing this. I've been divorced almost 5 years. I agree, there are ups and downs.