Job situation triggered from PD parent

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Justme729

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Job situation triggered from PD parent
« on: May 22, 2021, 03:17:08 PM »
I figured Iíd post this here vs friends and family, etc forum.   

I have been working on EmDR to process trauma Iíve experienced as a child.  I work at a very poor school where many of the disciple strategies my PD mom used, the fighting, the gaslighting, etc are just sooooooo common.   I love the people I work with they are amazing.   A few have some loose screws, but overall itís a good team.   We do have a high turn over mainly due to the demographics.   Itís a HARD school to teach at because the needs are so big.   

I realized my sweet babies are going through the trauma I went through as a kid.   I am at a crossroads where I stay and make a difference in their lives despite the trauma I experienced.   Or make a move elsewhere since we are always moving.   Right now, any call I make to a parent means the kid gets a whooping.  Even if it is something minor, the kids get whoopings.   It breaks my heart and the kids in my class know it.   They know I wonít call their parents.   But itís an unspoken thing that ďit gets the job done and they get their act together real quick.Ē  I donít like that feeling.   It makes my heart hurt.   

I just donít know what to do?   Keep fighting the good fight or do what is less triggering for me. 

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Leonor

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Re: Job situation triggered from PD parent
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2021, 03:39:54 PM »
Hi Justme,

I feel your pain, I do.

My dh and I run an extracurricular sports club for underserved kids.

It's a daily, hourly struggle between fighting off the privileged people who don't understand the desperate situations our families and kids are in, and the anguish and frustration we feel when the adults in our families act more like kids than their own children. And yes this is a culture in which physical punishment is normalized. But reporting a patent means orphaning the child. So,like you, we fight the system, try to navigate the parents, and surround the children with love and opportunity.

I have wanted to walk away so many times, but dh has had a much harder time letting go. And then there are days when everyone shows up, and the kids are happy, and there are families and little kids and mine running around too, and one gets a scholarship, and I can't stand the idea that it all fades away.

But here's the thing, and I hope this helps you, too. You can't save these children and their families. We can't right the deep injustice in society and we can't change an entire culture. I mean, even that thought is kind of supremacist, right? That in our recovery and healing, we know what's best for other people. Is it better to report a parent and send the kids into separate foster homes? Or have the family breadwinner deported? Or have the child not go to work with mom at night and leave her alone in an apartment complex run by gangs?

Also, you have made a difference. These children know, feel, that you love them. They feel that love. That love will stay with them, and they will remember you.

You have more healing to do. That's what the trigger is telling you. You have to move on. Because the more you heal, the more you are able to heal others

Trust in the universe. When you move on, there will be other good people to enter their lives and keep the love flowing.
« Last Edit: May 23, 2021, 03:44:34 PM by Leonor »

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Justme729

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Re: Job situation triggered from PD parent
« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2021, 07:50:15 PM »
Leonor thank you for the reminder I need to fill up my cup before I can help others.   I *love* where I work.   This pandemic has been so incredibly difficult on so many levels.   Fwiw- I donít think any of my students are being abused in a way of needing to call cps.   DSS here says unless a mark is visible they canít do anything.  None of my kids ever have marks, to the best of my knowledge.  Nobody is cover up in an unusual way that would hide bruising.   However, we all know that fear factor.   

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Leonor

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Re: Job situation triggered from PD parent
« Reply #3 on: May 24, 2021, 12:40:20 PM »
Hi Justme,

I'm so happy you love where you work, you're a blessing to all of the little children in your care!

Would it help to have a therapist familiar with the stressors of your job environment? I was just thinking about how therapists have therapists, to help them process the triggers and issues that come up for them in their professional work.

Maybe that way you can continue to do the work you love and get the support you need, too!

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Justme729

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Re: Job situation triggered from PD parent
« Reply #4 on: May 24, 2021, 10:50:50 PM »
Hi Justme,

I'm so happy you love where you work, you're a blessing to all of the little children in your care!

Would it help to have a therapist familiar with the stressors of your job environment? I was just thinking about how therapists have therapists, to help them process the triggers and issues that come up for them in their professional work.

Maybe that way you can continue to do the work you love and get the support you need, too!

I think Iím definitely at a point where a break is needed.   Iím not sure what kind of break.   I wonít leave the field.   But the last year and half has been horrible with Covid.   Before that I came from a very toxic work environment.   

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xredshoesx

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Re: Job situation triggered from PD parent
« Reply #5 on: May 25, 2021, 08:01:46 AM »
i also work in the education field in a district hit hard by the double barrel of COVID and abject poverty.   since november when my district had to convert online i've made almost 1000 parent contacts- from behavior to academics to wellness checks.  it takes A LOT out of me.  you have to fill your cup.

in 2013 i took a break for 6 months and came back in a different position where i was not the 100% responsible party for the day-to-day contacts for behavior, etc.  that helped, plus i was in therapy too.  part of my issue was that i had to see my success as a teacher was not 100% dependent on the progress of the kids.  in short i had to learn to appreciate i am good at what i do no matter how the kids perform or behave.  pandemic teaching virtually has reinforced the boundaries my therapist taught me and i am SO THANKFUL i had my breakup with teaching BEFORE this tbh because otherwise i would have quit in feburary. 

the other thing i found that helped is building good relationships with the kids so not as many calls are needed for the behavior part- this included finding my own consequence for most of them and having to document it so if i did have to write up a student the dean handled it differently because of the threat of violence to the kid.

don't let this year drive you out of the classroom.

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Justme729

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Re: Job situation triggered from PD parent
« Reply #6 on: May 25, 2021, 11:04:59 PM »
i also work in the education field in a district hit hard by the double barrel of COVID and abject poverty.   since november when my district had to convert online i've made almost 1000 parent contacts- from behavior to academics to wellness checks.  it takes A LOT out of me.  you have to fill your cup.

in 2013 i took a break for 6 months and came back in a different position where i was not the 100% responsible party for the day-to-day contacts for behavior, etc.  that helped, plus i was in therapy too.  part of my issue was that i had to see my success as a teacher was not 100% dependent on the progress of the kids.  in short i had to learn to appreciate i am good at what i do no matter how the kids perform or behave.  pandemic teaching virtually has reinforced the boundaries my therapist taught me and i am SO THANKFUL i had my breakup with teaching BEFORE this tbh because otherwise i would have quit in feburary. 

the other thing i found that helped is building good relationships with the kids so not as many calls are needed for the behavior part- this included finding my own consequence for most of them and having to document it so if i did have to write up a student the dean handled it differently because of the threat of violence to the kid.

don't let this year drive you out of the classroom.

The pandemic has definitely added a huge layer of stress.  I started at this school right before the pandemic hit.  I actually rarely call parents unless out of necessity.   Usually a safety related issue:  hurting themselves or others.   Or causing an serious disruption to learning.   Relationships, trust are so important.