Yard work with ocpdh

[11JB68]

I've never liked doing chores with Updh.
Yesterday ds was hauling mulch to a spot and I was spreading it.
1) me:which rake is best? Updh: neither, scoop it by hand and throw it
2) ds went to get more in wheel barrow. I was doing something else. He came back and I said dump it a little further down please where I stopped spreading. Updh: DS. NO. Dump it where I said before. (To me) you told him to do it differently than I did.

This made no sense. It made MY task much harder. My way was logical. His was arbitrary. But it must be HIS way.

[JustKeepTrying]

I could swear you are describing every weekend doing chores around the house with my OCPDxh.

Endless hours of work that could have gone faster if not done exactly his way.

The worse part was he never cleaned up after himself.  I had to gather the tools at the end of the day, pull the cans to the side of the house, and then he would go back and repack the cans?  I never understood that.

The weirdest part - the outside of the house was always perfect.  Inside, a complete mess.

so weird

[SeaBreeze]

Oh gosh. Yard work, housework, gardening, cooking, DIY projects..
any chore or project...can be a landmine with uNPDh (possible uOCPD traits as well). He "enlists" (as in expects or demands) mine or kids' help. Then critiques said help every step of the process. One minute he aggressively insists it be done his way. Next minute, he goes passive/aggressive and takes my advice, only to prove why my advice was horrible and I should have done it his way. Because of this, the kids and I learned to avoid doing chores or projects with H. When we do get roped in, youngest DS and I have learned boundaries. If H starts being rude, we now put down tools, take  off work gloves, and quietly walk away. So then, of course, H complains he has to do everything himself...

[ploughthrough2021]

Oh gosh. Yard work, housework, gardening, cooking, DIY projects..
any chore or project...

Hi SeaBreeze.  I like how you said 'enlist'.  My uNPDw does that.  And then does exactly what you say.  Criticize everything my kids and I do,

[Cascade]

My husband does some things that don't seem logical to me, concerning yard care. He refuses to use the grass catcher on our lawnmower, and uses a cord to hold the door open where the grass clippings fly out, so there's grass everywhere, including all over him after he mows. Then he uses his leaf blower to send the grass clippings into the street. He also removes the guard on the weed eater, so grass goes flying every where when he uses it. Most annoying of all is that he spread two large bags of grass seed this spring, so now I'm pulling up hundreds of grass seedlings in my flower borders and vegetable garden. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get them all out of my perennials. 

[Call Me Cordelia]

My uPD father was like this with yard work, and other things, but it was especially notable with yard work. He made it such a terrible burden, and constantly complained about it. Win-win!

[blunk]

I could not do anything right when it came to yardwork, chores, or household projects. There was only his way. I was once told that I was raking wrong...?!?!? And I could NEVER try to correct him if I saw that he was doing something wrong. That would mean either that the project stopped right there and he walked away leaving everything strewn around, or that tools, parts, etc. were thrown and/or smashed. This included standing back and cringing while he used a saw incorrectly. Of course there was also the double bind...if I said something I would face his rage, but if I didn't and he got hurt it was my fault and I should have said something.

[11JB68]

We are trying to get house/yard ready for an event. He is obsessing over an issue with the yard. It's an exhausting process to do what needs to be done. Add to that, everything I do he says no do it this way...
The back yard needs to be watered and I know he won't do it so I say I'll do it. Then he comes out to watch me, then criticizes how I'm doing it. (I mean if the water gets on the grass seed..... Isn't that the point?)
Then is annoyed I was out there/took so long as he needed me  inside for something...