UPDxh ending his first full week of parenting early.

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Stillirise

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UPDxh ending his first full week of parenting early.
« on: June 03, 2021, 12:28:31 PM »
Our divorce was final on Tuesday.   :banaaana:

This week also happened to be the first week for updxh to have the children for the entire week.  We agreed to an alternating weeks schedule for summers, though I knew at the time it was for him to get overnight credits, to lower his child support payment.  The children have been there since last Friday evening, and I was scheduled to pick them up tomorrow.  They are being dropped off shortly.  In a way, I’m shocked he made it with them this long.  It is by far his longest stretch of parenting, to date.  Although, I think he would have left them with me on Tuesday evening, if I hadn’t been out of town.

I’m not complaining. This has been my plan all along...let him shirk all the parental responsibilities that he wants.  I do nothing to interfere with his parenting time, or discourage it.  However, I do everything I can to be reliable, and ready for the kids, when he bails on them.  Someday, I fear he will turn the full force of his disorder on them directly.  In the end, I feel that minimizing their time with him can’t be a bad thing. I just wanted to put that out there with those who understand.  If I told people this IRL, it might appear I’m trying to prevent the children from having a healthy relationship with their f. 
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.
—Maya Angelou

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Boat Babe

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Re: UPDxh ending his first full week of parenting early.
« Reply #1 on: June 03, 2021, 04:38:57 PM »
They are so predictable. I can see you picking up the kids a great deal, which will no doubt impact them, so be ready for them feeling rejected by their father, even though you know that the less time they spend with him the better.

Sending love and courage.
It gets better. It has to.

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pushit

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Re: UPDxh ending his first full week of parenting early.
« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2021, 07:42:25 PM »
I've been dealing with a similar situation recently, where exPDw suddenly decides she's unable to parent or simply disappears when it's her day to pick them up.  It's gone a long ways in solidifying my relationship with the kids.  Even though they're young and don't understand everything, they know for certain now that dad is reliable and they can't 100% count on mom.  They're also happier in general when they spend more time with me.  At my house life is predictable and they can just be themselves.  Also, my concerns over the kids being alienated against me by mom have practically disappeared.  They show me that they have complete trust in me, and all the time we've spent together has created an even stronger bond than before.

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  Sometimes the best tactic is to step back and let the PD show everyone their true self.

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Stillirise

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Re: UPDxh ending his first full week of parenting early.
« Reply #3 on: June 04, 2021, 03:37:39 PM »
Yes, so very predictably unreliable!  The kids had no idea when they were dropped off yesterday morning if he would be coming back for them or not, so they didn’t bring all of their things.  I’m sure they got the message this morning, when he dropped off their bags. He didn’t want to offer them any kind of explanation, so leaving them in limbo, and for me to answer their questions, was much easier for him.

It’s still a win...I have purposefully structured my work life to be be flexible.  We have managed to get out and about, and have some fun times on these “bonus days” with me.

He has a pretty ambitious road trip planned for their next week with him.  I truly hope it goes well, for their sake, but I also know he’s never planned a trip like this.  By planned, I mean he has some destinations in mind.  He thinks he can wing most of it, even though 1/2 the population of the US is ready to travel again this summer.  I’ve not said a word, just listened to what the kids have said. It will be interesting to hear how it goes.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.
—Maya Angelou

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athene1399

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Re: UPDxh ending his first full week of parenting early.
« Reply #4 on: June 08, 2021, 12:58:27 PM »
Congrats on the divorce being finalized!

I am also glad that you are able to make the most of the “bonus days”. I think that is a good perspective to have. I wonder how long he will continue picking them up for… or if their time with him will keep getting shorter.

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Stillirise

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Re: UPDxh ending his first full week of parenting early.
« Reply #5 on: June 08, 2021, 04:17:23 PM »
Congrats on the divorce being finalized!

I am also glad that you are able to make the most of the “bonus days”. I think that is a good perspective to have. I wonder how long he will continue picking them up for… or if their time with him will keep getting shorter.

Thank you!!

I expect he will continue to try and make a good show of it through the summer, but I still expect him to have “unforeseen circumstances” that cause late pickups or early drop offs. By next summer, I expect he will decide they are old enough to make up their own minds about where they want to stay.  They already have some degree of FOG regarding their F, so I think they will try to make excuses for, and appease him somewhat. However, long-term, I see their time with him getting shorter.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.
—Maya Angelou