Stubbornness

[Kitbit]

Have you ever had to deal with your PD and their stubborn attitudes? I honestly find that stressful situations are made way worse having to struggle through the twisted, conflated logic that comes to bear in their thinking about issues. In a mutually dependent situation it is made all the worse. I am relieved at least I now have a place to come to vent about this as others in my life don't seem to understand the force or impact of a PD's stubbornness. Have others here had similar experiences? How have you strategized to get through the twisted logic that is presented to you?

[square]

Well, I guess the first question is whether the stubborness is about something that impacts you and is a boundary you want to protect, or if it's something you can just let go.

If you can let it go, then just let it go. Medium chill it. Let them do their thing, whatever, it's not your problem.

If it's a boundary for you, then you have to figure out how YOU can protect your boundary. You can't control them, so don't try.

It's often not easy.

If they are late to a mutual event, can you leave alone and go ahead? Or if it happens habitually, plan ahead as to what YOU can do so you're not up a creek - including refusing to commit to anything that involves their cooperation, including vacations.

Or if they are yelling at you, YOU leave and go get coffee. You can't make them stop yelling at you. But you don't have to stay and take it.

Over time you kind of detach. You no longer count on them. No longer need them. No longer depend on them. No longer really care what they do.

It's sad but it takes two to make a relationship. If there isn't one - if one person is just exploiting the other - you can't change the other person. Your only choices are to keep taking it, end it, or continue in a detached manner.

[Kitbit]

Thank you so much for that. It is easier to medium chill nowadays, but harder when it does impact me. I try to avoid those situations but it does come up. I appreciate the specific suggestions.

[1footouttadefog]

I get the mixed up logic and circle conversations.

It took me way to long to understand they were intentional.  I wasted way to many hours of my life trying to be understood. Trying to speak plain language and make clear logical poi ts to build the conversatiin/arguments in only for it all to be torn down with deflection, projection, or illogical inputs.

At some point I learned not to play the game.  My pd still tried but not nearly as much.