Constant criticism

[losingmyself]

I'm sorry, I just need to vent. I guess I need some support.
I know that when H puts me down, in  private, in public, especially to his FOO, it's just BS. But, geez, it gets to a person after a while. It's like he can't help himself and he NEEDS to say something crappy about me to his family. My cooking, my hair, the fact that I wear makeup, my housekeeping, laundry, dishes, my kids, it just goes on.
He always claims that the only reason I turned on the air conditioning was because the kids were home. That's just ridiculous. And I like to open the windows at night, because it saves energy and it's just nice. The other night he complained about my reasons for shutting off the air, and I don't even know what his reasoning was, I stopped listening, frankly. So, I didn't open the windows, left the air running. He comes out 10 minutes later and shuts off the air and opens the door. Last night he went to sleep before me, and I just left the air running. This morning I got up and the house was open. He said "I can't believe you didn't open up the house last night" I said "You complained about it, so I just left it" No comment about that.
Then he asked me when I went to bed. Then he said "You ever notice that when I get up early, you sleep in, and when you wake up and I'm asleep, you get up?" Yes. My sleeping habits are dictated by my attitude toward you.. Head shaker.
His new accusation is that I actually take his pain medications myself, and replace them with 'placebos' Are you effin' kidding me?? I got angry about that one. He claims he has the right because I fessed up to taking his sleeping pills, like a year ago. So, therefore I am capable of anything.
I know that all this is to vilify me so that if I leave him, well, it certainly wasn't his fault, look at the horrible person I am.
Also, just to irritate me more, there was a post on FB yesterday, an old picture of us, and he wrote "I love her more every day" So, my FOO sees it and thinks about how lucky I am...AWWWW...
This morning, my stomach hurt. "Are you nervous about something?"  It's always something about having done a bad thing "Is it guilt?" "Are you worried about something?" No, I ate something, and I have to go to the bathroom! Geez.
Sigh......
Ok, I think I'm done.
One more thing.
Where's Spark?? I have been thinking about her, and hope she's doing ok.

[Free2Bme]

lm,

How exhausting, sorry you are dealing with this nonsense.  I used to have to field constant queries from updxh about what time I came to be, what time I woke up, what did I eat for lunch... crazymaking. 

Setting boundaries is hard with PD's, the love to bust them up. But...
Is there anyway you could establish when the a/c will be running, at what temp, etc.  just to get this issue off the table? 
Or, tell him  that you sleep when you need to and don't feel the need to report or explain your sleep habits to him.

:doh:They make everything so difficult. 

[Andeza]

Most likely he does NEED to say something crappy about you... so he can feel better about himself.  Not fair in the least, but pretty typical pd behavior depending on which side of the spectrum they live.

I've been wondering about spark lately as well...

[Simon]

Most likely he does NEED to say something crappy about you... so he can feel better about himself.

That's exactly what I thought when I read the post.
It wouldn't matter if you did explain all those things to him, he would just find other excuses to be crappy to you.
PDs devalue others to make themselves feel better.
Inside, they are truly miserable people, and they like nothing better than you to be down there with them.

Sad but true.

[losingmyself]

Thanks, everyone.
I have learned that any kind of explaining, defending, setting boundaries, etc is futile, and exactly what he's looking for. I can almost see the pleased look on his face when I waste my time explaining anything.
He knows it's bs. It seems like it just spills out of his face. And you're right, everything is a reflection of him, so the only way to make himself look better is to make everyone else look bad. He thinks he has nothing else to offer. He really does, though, he has lots of gifts and talents, it's just not good enough.
I can only hope that I am judged on my behavior when he says bad things about me to other people, and they know it's not true.
It's just tiring, and I can't believe this is my life.

[losingmyself]

Also, Free, I thought we did have it figured out. We've lived there for more than 10 years and I have been doing the same thing every summer. So, he just decided to start complaining about this, after the kids haven't lived here for more than a year. Isn't that weird??

[Janeite V]

losingmyself, sorry you are dealing with this. Having every single innocent action micromanaged and interpreted as uncharitably as possible can feel so paralysing. But I am glad you are aware that it is about the pwPD and not you!

Your comment about the pleased look on his face once you start JADE is also depressingly familiar. I believe that some pwPDs are miserable inside but cannot bear to look inwards for the true cause, and so instead they look for other explanations besides themselves for their misery. You happen to be the most convenient scapegoat and the flimsiest excuse will work. Once they think you have taken responsibility for that misery, it soothes them because it lets them off the hook in taking responsibility for their own issues.

And you are so right that when you actually take notice of what they complained about the day before, they then find a way to complain about that, too!