Is this my Trauma Bond?

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Is this my Trauma Bond?
« on: July 03, 2021, 07:05:16 PM »
I致e done all the things in my checklist except for The Talk and filing.
I have one friend, who is divorced, who I trust to keep things confidential. When driving to talk to her, I was trembling and nauseated. Only after I decided not to say anything did I start to feel ok.
I致e got an opportunity to hold The Talk coming up soon. I知 now thinking that maybe the timing is wrong for DD and I should wait.
Is this my trauma bond reacting?
How do I work through it?
的知 no quitter, but I finally quit living on dreams. I知 hungry for laughter and here ever after, I知 after whatever this other life brings.
-Kenny Rogers



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Re: Is this my Trauma Bond?
« Reply #1 on: July 04, 2021, 02:23:23 AM »
It sounds as if you are already taking very positive steps.  It is hard to say without knowing more, but it certainly sounds like it could be trauma bonding.  I remember feeling like I was jumping out of a plane and I wasnt sure I had a parachute.  It was a mix of trauma bonding, thinking maybe he would change and see the light, and just general fear of the unknown.  Courageous conversations are always difficult, PD or not. 

It also sounds as if you may be putting a lot of pressure on yourself to have The Talk. 
What is your general plan?  Are you moving out or are you asking them to move out?  Is there a reason you need to talk first?  In your mind, what will that talk consist of?  Why do you feel the timing is wrong for DD? 

I found this list of signs of trauma bonding  from the healthline website helpful.
"You feel unhappy and may not even like your partner any longer, but you still feel unable to end things.
When you do try to leave, you feel physically and emotionally distressed.
When you say you want to leave, they promise to change but make no effort to actually do so.
You fixate on the 堵ood days, using them as proof that they truly care.
You make excuses and defend their behavior when others express concern.
You continue to trust them and hope to change them.
You protect them by keeping abusive behavior secret."