Always wanted me to be older

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Always wanted me to be older
« on: July 03, 2021, 07:48:56 PM »
When I was a kid/teen a common way for my npd mom to berate me was to claim that I was one year older than I was.

So when I was 6 she would say ' you're 7 years old now! Start acting like it!'

When I was 7 she would say 'you're 8 years old! You should know better!'

A week after my 10th birthday she was telling me I was 11.

This went on until my early 20s. I could never figure out what this was about? She was fully aware of my birth date but seemed determined that I should somehow be older??


Cat of the Canals

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Re: Always wanted me to be older
« Reply #1 on: July 05, 2021, 12:43:41 PM »
That's interesting. I read somewhere once that the root cause of a lot of childhood abuse is the caretaker believing the child should be further along in development than they are likely to be for their age. Like expecting a 3yo to not have any bathroom accidents and then getting angry when they do, even though most 3yos are unlikely to be perfectly potty trained.

It's almost like your mom was doing this quite blatantly and out loud... Maybe it was even a somewhat intentional catch-22 style trick: She tells you to act your age (7). But you're actually 6, so anything you do is categorically WRONG because you can't be 7 when you're not. She's pushing you to meet an impossible standard that literally can't exist!