Another scam

[Pepin]

I have mentioned before that DPD MIL has offered to pay DH for his caregiving services.  Both of them don't seem to understand that their relationship with each other is unhealthy -- her using DH and DH thinking that he has a loyalty to her.  Thankfully, DH declined being paid for his caregiving.  Though I wouldn't say that he really is caregiving....he is enabling more than anything else....but he is the designated GC and none of his siblings want to deal with DPD MIL if they don't have to. 

DPD MIL has now offered DH money for a vacation instead in return for "caregiving".  Please.  Looking for another avenue to pay him.  Lady!  This isn't about money.  This is about time.  DH is a husband and a father.  He does have a job, friends and a life.  Stop taking him away from these things for your own selfish endeavors.  Again, DH declined her money. 

Maybe if DH's siblings knew they could get paid for their TIME, they would step up and help out.  This woman continues to stoop to new lows with her bribes.  The more she does, the more I become embarrassed for her.  I'm even embarrassed for my husband... 

[Cat of the Canals]

It's strange, because my PDmom and PDaunt do a similar thing. On the one hand, PDmom is an absolute BPD Queen who delights in special treatment... and yet she and her sister are absolutely obsessed with never being indebted to anyone. They will go out of their way to prove they've "done more." My mother would rather die than allow someone else to pay the bill at a restaurant. And my aunt once laid out for me in great detail how she keeps track of all favors and expenses and who has paid for what so that she can make sure at the end that she's paid more than her fair share... and at the same time, she resents that her friends don't do the same. 

[SunnyMeadow]

My mother would rather die than allow someone else to pay the bill at a restaurant.

My uNPDmom does the same thing! Well, she will let me pay now but no one else.

Pepin, my mother likes to give me stuff then throw it back in my face or my children's faces if we aren't visiting enough because she "gave us kitchenware"  Like you wrote about telling the siblings, maybe someone should spill the beans to them about this payday. 

[Pepin]

It's strange, because my PDmom and PDaunt do a similar thing. On the one hand, PDmom is an absolute BPD Queen who delights in special treatment... and yet she and her sister are absolutely obsessed with never being indebted to anyone. They will go out of their way to prove they've "done more." My mother would rather die than allow someone else to pay the bill at a restaurant. And my aunt once laid out for me in great detail how she keeps track of all favors and expenses and who has paid for what so that she can make sure at the end that she's paid more than her fair share... and at the same time, she resents that her friends don't do the same. 

This is interesting...it is almost like a game of who is better?  Back in the day, we used to host DPD MIL (and FIL when he was alive) for dinner every now and then.  She could not stand it that DH and I were taking it upon ourselves to shop, cook and serve a meal.  Could. Not. Stand. It.  For whatever reason, she always had to be involved....whether bringing a dish of some sort or just bringing food that we could eat later during the week.  Yet, when it was her turn to host, she would refuse anything being brought over, meaning that we were not allowed to contribute to HER hosting. 

Paying my husband though.....for his caregiving.  I think on some level she really knows deep down that what she "requires" of my husband is wrong.  But because she doesn't want to get called out on it, she is instead trying to make herself "look good" by offering something in return: money.  She has nothing else to offer because I'll generally override everything with a NO as I have been doing for years.  Nope, no and no thank you.  She knows DH is delighted with money and therefore she hits him where it is difficult for him to say no....especially when I am not a part of their convo.

While I understand that caregivers can and do receive payment, I find it odd that it isn't something that is discussed as a family so that at least everyone is on the same page.  This hush, hush way of doing things seems gross and unfair. 

Like you wrote about telling the siblings, maybe someone should spill the beans to them about this payday. 

Actually, I might spill the beans during a side conversation...in a joking sort of manner when the other inlaws are around: if you step up, there is money to be had!