The large piece of furniture many miles away

[JollyJazz]

Hi All,

Well, this is the beginnings of another saga of PD FOO harassment.

About 5 years ago, my grandmother passed away. My parents said I could have a chest of drawers which had belonged to my grandmother.

It is somewhat awkward to move it around (I can't move it myself), I have to hire helpers to do this. I had to move it to the city I now work in which is about 14 hours drive away (at a slower pace). I have it in storage.

Anyway, my PD brother (47) has moved back in with with my PD parents and they have decided he needs a new wardrobe for his room. So now my M is rewriting history by claiming that I didn't have permission to take it (NOT true). I think she wanted to not have to pay for storage (by getting me to take it).

I'm getting so sick of these dramas. I'm going to organise to get it back but it's a massive, annoying hassle. Grrr...

I'm just wanting to vent here, lol!

[Spring Butterfly]

Took it without permission?!? What did you do stick it in your purse when they weren’t looking? Slip it into your coat pocket? I’m sorry you’re dealing with this level of crazy.

[JollyJazz]

Lol!! Thank you Spring Butterfly!

Yes, it's pretty batty. I would never take something without permission. The fact that Mum didn't say anything about it for years and now she's changed her mind 

I should add that they really did take a bunch of things that my grandmother said I could have, including my grandmother's wedding ring! My mother has just decided her late mother in law's wedding ring should be hers however...

It's an expensive hassle to get movers to drag it back to their house. It is to adorn my 47 y/o U BpD brothers bedroom at their house. He's probably going to be living with them for some time is my guess!

Whatever, it's just stuff. I'll send them back the wardrobe. To be honest I'm planning on moving later on, once I get my own place, so it will be one less thing to do then.

I do have some nice things my beloved grandma gave directly to me when she was alive. Some were quite valuable pieces of jewelry.

So that's the main thing. I was close to my grandma.  And it's funny, I was really feeling her presence this morning.

I'm so glad that I'm building an independent life away from them!

My mother is trying to needle my address out of me, but she's not going to get it.

I'm feeling stronger in myself and I think these silly dramas are mother's attempts to control me.

[Andeza]

Ooh, just a little alarm bell. Make sure the moving company is extremely clear they are not to let your mother see your address at any point.

[JollyJazz]

Good thinking but it's all good. I'm moving it from a storage unit. So it's not connected with my address 🙂

But you're right. She's truly obsessed with finding out where I live. Having her barge into my bedroom last September and grab onto my leg was traumatic. And part of long history of crazy barge ins - they happened on a daily basis in childhood 😳

[Cat of the Canals]

Oh yes. The inheritance game. Both BPD mom and BPD aunt love to play this game with my late grandmother's possessions.

It seems to me that your family should be the one to pay for the moving, but then I guess that would put you in a position to have more contact with them to arrange things, and I can see why you'd want it over with in the least invasive way possible.

Andeza has a good point about your address - I would double-check that the movers won't have a billing address listed on any of the paperwork. When I've had things moved recently, I had to sign a contract at the end and been given a copy.

[Andeza]

Yes! What Cat said is exactly what popped into my head, along with what if this is just an elaborate ploy (and expensive) by your M to get your address. From your past posts it's obvious she has zero boundary respect. Billing address could show up on the final invoice, some places insist on having it.

[moglow]

You meanie! You're depriving her of a fight by just quietly having it shipped to her. Guarandamntee she fusses that it arrives at a bad time or damaged or something else entirely out of your control.

Just keep saying quietly: not my circus not my monkeys...

[JollyJazz]

Thanks for your replies all!!!

I'm actually going to be glad to have it sorted. It's going to be a heck of a hassle, but I'll sort it. As much as I love anything that reminds me of my grandma, it will be liberating to not have to cart it around.

I'm preparing to buy my first home, so while the wardrobe would be a useful addition, I can cope without it.

Hi Cat of Canals,

Oh yes. The inheritance game. Both BPD mom and BPD aunt love to play this game with my late grandmother's possessions.

I'm sorry that this has happened to you too. But thank you for sharing as it helps me feel less alone!

It's okay - she won't be able to tell my address. But yes, she's truly obsessed with trying to find it. She knows how much I hate it when she's invited herself over, but her over riding sense of entitlement comes before that.
But good point Andzea and CatoffCanals.
I have to be constantly on guard for it. She gets my brothers to pester me for my address. She has no shame about it.

Lol, yes thanks Moglow! I'll be glad when this latest drama is over lol.

I'm feeling stronger in myself. I feel like all the struggles I've been through, the therapy, books meditation exercises. I'm starting to really feel it ☺️

Here it is. I feel like it's just another step in separating myself from possessions that my mother claims ownership of (and by extension me).

Anyway, thanks for your understanding and support  it really really helps!

[JollyJazz]

Update: PD M is now giving me the silent treatment, silentTREAT? Lol.

Urrgh. I do find it hurtful and I really don't need all this drama!

I do get FOG  sometimes... work is stressful and so having all this drama on top is hard.

I feel like I get this barrage of feeling like I'm not nice enough, good enough, thoughtful enough...

[moglow]

I'm guessing you stepped out of your assigned role and failed to respond as expected/anticipated. No drama, argument, begging or pleading. Good for you!

[JollyJazz]

Hehe, thanks so much Moglow!

Lol.

Yes, I think the 'sure, I'll send it back' just takes the fun right out of it. Lol

The support really helps!