Overlap of PD symptms?

[Dat2102]

Hi everyone,

My wife was recently diagnosed by a highly qualified Phd psychologist with dependent personality disorder. While the PD Dx didn't surprise me, I was suspecting BPD.  So was a close relative of mine who works with BPD adolescents. Another first-degree family member has a confirmed BPD Dx from a psychiatrist. The psychologist didn't note any R/O Diagnoses. I'm wondering how much overlap there is with the various PDs. I recall reading either here or another source that there's a high correlation between for example BPD and DPD. And a negative correlation between, say Schizoid and BPD.

I have grown more and more frustrated, and simply don't know where to go from here. When my wife and I first met, I felt a certain respect and value for my opinions—it was actually quite flattering at times. But now I feel this odd push-pull dynamic as she seeks my support constantly, but also feels out of control of herself—often to the point that she seems devoid of a personality at all. Other times, she can get explosively angry, leading to huge "blow up" arguments. Fortunately not physical. In fact, she is very hurt if I choose to retreat and let things cool down.

Anyway, it's the fear of abandonment and outwardly apparent depersonalization that suggests to me BPD. But I have a lot of faith in the diagnosis of her psychologist.

I just don't know where to go from here. I urge her to discuss our issues in counseling, since me giving advice to a woman with DPD seems utterly absurd! Yet, she wants to engage in us talking which leads to the escalating arguments that just go around in circles and descending into slinging insults, both of us, which isn't productive.

She's responded somewhat to DBT therapy years ago. So I'm hoping she can continue with that; but, of course, I am not involved with her treatment. I myself have gone through ACT therapy for depression and anxiety, and the mindfulness part was very helpful for me.

But getting back to my original question—could it be that BPD, or it's traits are in play here? I'm certainly not doubting the psychologist, but the intensity and drama that goes on almost daily is downright exhausting and reminiscent of what ive read on Out of the FOG about BPD. I'm pretty new to learning about personality disorders, but at least I know that there's more going on than major depression and anxiety (which I have, and certainly worsens the whole situation.)

Thanks for reading,

—DAT

[Hazy111]

Hi Dat2102,

Maybe,  check out Christine Lawsons book "Understanding the Borderline Mother" She divides them into 4 types (all overlap) , but she calls one type "the Waif",  very needy and dependent, plays the victim.

I think Shari Schreiber is very good on Borderlines too ( and the men they attract. I dated  i believe a BPD waif ).

https://sharischreiber.com/borderline-waifs-and-unsung-heroes/

[blunk]

In trying to understand your wife's diagnosis you may want to check out the Personality Disorders tab at the top of the page. It lists many of the common traits as well as the DSM criteria for each of the different PDs. For me it helped initially to be able to identify the common traits, as some were so strange that I found myself doubting my own experiences.

But in reality, we can't diagnose the individual. Beyond that, the actual PD doesn't matter as much as how you are treated, and how that makes you feel. My xh was diagnosed with BPD. I did my best to read and understand, to adjust my behavior so as not to trigger his rages, to implement the tools provided in the toolbox...but in the end I was unable to continue in the relationship.

I am not saying that is the right path for you, just one possibility out of many. I wish you well on this journey, and look forward to reading about your progress.

[Cat of the Canals]

I second the suggestion of reading Understanding the Borderline Mother (even though we're discussing your wife and not your mother). That book was the one where everything finally clicked for me with my mom. She didn't quite fit the many traditional descriptions of NPD or BPD that I'd read before.

I don't think the author breaks down each subtype as having an overlap of another PD, but that's essentially what she's describing, in my mind. There's Waif (BPD crossed with dependent PD), Hermit (BPD crossed with avoidant PD), Queen (BPD crossed with grandiose NPD and probably a touch of histrionic PD), and Witch (BPD crossed with malignant NPD).

In any case, blunk has it right about the diagnosis being less important than how you are treated and how you feel. I can't imagine my mother will ever get a diagnosis, as she would simply scoff at the suggestion of therapy. But her behavior is continually inappropriate and abusive and that's all I need to know. Until she addresses it, she can expect me to keep her at arm's length.

[1footouttadefog]

In some things I have read or seen presented in videos, there is a lot of overlap in the appearance of bpd and cptsd.

Perhaps if there was family or other trama and or abuse over time in life this  ould be a factor on top of the dpd.

A lot of folks here at Out of the FOG end up. Including that in the end the diagnoses dont matter, but rather the abuses and negative beha iours we deal with as nons.