Seasonal discard?

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Yankeegirl

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Seasonal discard?
« on: July 20, 2021, 06:07:03 PM »
Has anyone experienced this seasonal discard? specifically in the summertime? This "friend" whom is the opposite sex has discarded me every summer since I have known him which has been 3 years. He would start out the summer doing stuff with me. Then, he will be very distant, hang out with other people and leave me in the dust for the most part. He will sporadically reach out to hang of course on his terms  :sadno: Now the same thing has happened, and to make things worse he will rub it in by posting stories in his IG. He KNOWS it makes me feel bad too. When I was on vacation he was texting me every day. I got back and I was being very relaxed and not treating him special. He said my energy was off  :roll: We got into an argument like 3 days later because I called him out on his behavior, and he says that I feel entitled and that I am just mad because he was hanging out with his other friends and not me. He tried to shift the issue and turn the tables on me! kept saying he isn't responsible for how I feel when I tried to explain how his behavior made me feel hurt and like he didn't care. So he really showed his narcissistic traits. He will do things for me here and there, and he knew I depended on him  for things as I don't have family here. My sibling came to visit, and he insisted on meeting her. He went on and on how I don't have to worry, that I have him and bla bla bla. My sister could tell he has issues from the first meeting but she made the best of it. So, right now I have stopped posting stories on IG because all he does is comment on it, as his little breadcrumbs of attention. He has not texted me on my phone or called me (he never really hit me up on IG unless it was to send me a story) So I am guessing he has a new supply or to punish me. In any case, I am disconnecting from him so I have gone NC officially (he was sending replies to me yesterday on IG) as of today. I took melatonin to help me sleep as I am experiencing anxiety and insomnia more than usual. I cant shut my mind off and I keep thinking back to when he was actually-nice to me. It is totally mind boggling. When the winter comes and the holidays he will turn into a new person and want me to spend time with him again,  but I am not going to be a yo yo.


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Bloomie

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Re: Seasonal discard?
« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2021, 12:17:12 PM »
Quote from: Yankee Girl
I am not going to be a yo yo.
Bravo!!! :applause:

It sounds like a push/pull kind of game and you have figured it out and are not going to play any longer.

I am really sorry you have been treated this way. You sound like a loyal and kind friend and deserve the same in return.

How are you doing today with this move to NC?

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Yankeegirl

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Re: Seasonal discard?
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2021, 05:49:53 PM »
Quote from: Yankee Girl
I am not going to be a yo yo.
Bravo!!! :applause:How are you doing today with this move to NC?

I wish I could say I am feeling stronger but I broke NC because I was seriously irked. He is doing him, taking space, bla bla bla. I should have set very clear boundaries a long time ago. No sleep overs, and no sleeping in the same bed (nothing sexual). I mean, of course I started to have some sort of attachment to him and he is clueless. Its summer and he wants to meet people. That's his prerogative, but its my choice to not let him come back and want to pick up where we left off. I am not spending anymore holidays with him and his family and just moving on. If he pops back up-well I made new friends and moved on. He thinks he is doing nothing wrong by taking some space. That's fine but not when I am the only one he is taking space from-and the other one he talks crap about he hangs out with on Sunday. He is full of crap. His birthday is this weekend, so its going to be extra challenging not to reach out.

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moglow

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Re: Seasonal discard?
« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2021, 06:07:59 PM »
Understand this isn't a seasonal discard or anything else - it's who he is, who he chooses to be. It stops when YOU stop. It's going to be an act of will, and you have to do it for yourself.

Many moons back I had a friend kinda like that. When he was with me it was 100% ON, but when he got distracted he went hard 100% in a totally different direction, usually without any sign whatsoever that he was gone. I'd spend my time trying to understand, beating myself up, doing drive bys, asking everybody if they'd seen him etc. He'd show back up weeks or even months later like nothing had ever happened, like all was right with the world. I'd drop whatever I was doing to be available to him and before a few months were up the whole cycle would repeat all over again.

This same guy would be all over me during the week while I was at work, mysteriously disappear weekends when I was available. Finally something snapped and I managed to shake myself loose. It wasn't fun and it didn't happen overnight, a sheer act of will until it stuck. Please don't waste years of your life like I did, if this sounds familiar. It's not nearly as much fun in retrospect as I thought it was at the time.


"Expectations are disappointments under construction.Ē  ~ Cap'n Spanky

Stop Stinkin' Thinkin'!

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Yankeegirl

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Re: Seasonal discard?
« Reply #4 on: July 21, 2021, 08:59:10 PM »
Well, I can definitely relate! I just never know what version of him I will get. He can really be downright nasty if you call him out on his crap! He doesnít want to spend holidays alone so he makes all these plans with me because itís his favorite time of the year. I just noticed a trend that in the summer he thinks heís all that so he all of a sudden wants time to himself, or heís focusing on his goals or some other nonsense. And now that itís hot girl summer he is all over the map. I said what I had to say to him, but Iím not going to do this hot/cold friendship and when itís convenient for him or heís down and wants company.

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Seasonal discard?
« Reply #5 on: July 22, 2021, 10:59:53 AM »
I had a friend who encountered this when dating after a divorce.  Guys who would want to talk all night on the phone and text all day then the guy was not available when she was off work. He wanted to golf, or fish, or spend time with parents.