Trust in maps or directions

[Prototypian]

Do any of your PD's have a distrust of maps or directions unless they have some validation or verification?

My spouse trusts nothing in directions.   She doesn't trust Waze, maps, guides and absolutely not my own recommendations.   She will validate and re validate and call people and talk to people before ever venturing forward.   She rarely trusts road signs.   I don't understand who the experts are she defers to but she absolutely doesn't trust a published set of directions.

An example this weekend: we were in Washington DC for a college visit and on the last morning had some open time and wanted to show our son the Vietnam memorial and Lincoln memorial.   Both my suggestion and an easy walking tour from the hotel.   I've been to DC 25+ times in the last 5 years on business trips and love to jog on the mall and the Vietnam memorial is a solemn place I wanted my son to see. 

We walk towards the general direction of the Vietnam memorial and it's invisible until you're right on top of it.   There are signs along the national mall that point in that direction.   She keeps stopping to check the map thing and orient herself to "you are here" on every plaquard and finally within sight if the thing she stops a policeman to make sure "is that the Vietnam memorial".   I would ask "didn't you trust me" but she would say "I do but I just wanted to be sure"

Then at the Vietnam memorial you can literally see the giant mausoleum 200 feet across that's on ever penny and is unmistakably the Lincoln memorial.   My son and I just wanted to meander up bus she insisted on stopping and waiting to ask one of the docents who does rubbing of names on the Vietnam memorial "is that the Lincoln memorial".

It would be like standing in front of the castle and asking "which way so the magic kingdom" at disneyworld to the guys in the parking lot.   

The biggest one of these I can remember was in Seattle when I said "that's My Rainier.".  The interesting thing about that one is there is not another mountain nearby to mistake that for.   It's the only massive volcano standing right outside of Seattle.  But she insisted on confirming with her brother "is that mt rainier".   

I don't understand what is going through her brain.

[square]

I don't know either. It seems that she finds the normal bumps and turns of life completely intolerable, so she tries to grasp the illusion of control.

The vast majority of times, the directions are correct, the signis correct, the memory of the person familiar with the area is correct, the GPS is correct, and your friggen eyeballs filled withbthe vista that is the Lincoln Memorial is correct - but not 100% of the time.

She would rather be sure of every step and ruin the day and relationships than to risk the slightest loss of control.

For the rest of us, getting lost isn't ideal but it's fixable. Worst case, you give up and call an Uber, right?

Only you have any idea what in her past combined with her personality to make loss of complete control to be fatal.

[1footouttadefog]

She gets nar. Supply by engaging other people in her information seeking a iht activities.

For someone who acts out false self role in a play of their own direction, not having an audience involved is almost lethal.

[Prototypian]

It got more bizarre today.  We are out at a college visit for our son.  Rental car and different place.   But I ams starting to believe the behavior is because she is not getting enough attention.  She was driving and the Waze gps was working and had said "drive 9.5 miles and take exit xyz123.".  She simply wasn't willing to do that and trust the directions.   We eventually had to pull out a map, someone had to sit and be actively engaged looking for the exit and interact with her the whole time.  She had pulled over refusing to drive or let one of use drive.   She had to have a full time copilot for the 9.5 miles.   I truly believe she just didn't want to not be the center of attention and was frustrated we didn't care about the critical nature of the potential missed exit.

[square]

 

[Hazy111]

I think the narc supply angle is true. Narc  supply is essential for life.

[Cat of the Canals]

One of the bigger blow-outs I remember between my parents (PDmom and enDad) was over directions. We flew across the country to visit my (suspected PD) grandmother. We did this at least once a year when I was a kid, so this was a routine trip with a routine drive from the airport to her house. My dad always drove.

As we were turning out of the rental car place, my dad puts the blinker on to turn one way. My mother starts insisting he's turning the wrong way. My dad disagrees. PDmom has him on the hook now, so she starts in with, "I THINK I know the way to MY OWN MOTHER'S house." He refuses to take her directions and that's when things really go off the rails. My mother is fuming and raging and screaming for him to pull over so she can get out and walk.

I was young enough at the time that the idea of my mom getting out of the car in a strange city late at night was really scary to me, but she never had any concerns about us kids once she was in Rage Mode. We might as well have not existed. Eventually we reached the highway, proving that my dad had been right about which direction to go, and then began the Silent Treatment, because a simple apology or saying "I was wrong" is out of the question for PDmom.

I don't think it really had anything to do with directions. She was picking a fight. I can't remember a single family trip where my parents weren't bickering and in a foul mood they insisted on spreading to everyone else. I rarely take vacations as an adult... I wonder why!

[Prototypian]

. She was picking a fight. I can't remember a single family trip where my parents weren't bickering and in a foul mood they insisted on spreading to everyone else. I rarely take vacations as an adult... I wonder why!

I worry about this with my own kids.   They hate it when the bizarre fights happen over stupid things.    Especially stuff like which way to go.

[Hazy111]

I can't remember a single family trip where my parents weren't bickering and in a foul mood they insisted on spreading to everyone else.

My uBPD hermit (paranoid) mom was terrified about speed, ( generally anything above walking pace) (because we all might DIE!!!)  So my Dad had to drive real slow if she was in the car. It wasnt her problem though,  he was "Going too FAST!!!"

This carried on when i was driving as an adult. She was obsessed with being able to see the speedometer.  If she sat in the back seat i would drive in such a way to obstruct it with my hands. I can still hear her muttering and seething away. Sometimes she would just explode with frustration and demand to be let out.  Of course if someone outside the family drove her she never said a word. She seethed in silence. 

[Cat of the Canals]

. She was picking a fight. I can't remember a single family trip where my parents weren't bickering and in a foul mood they insisted on spreading to everyone else. I rarely take vacations as an adult... I wonder why!

I worry about this with my own kids.   They hate it when the bizarre fights happen over stupid things.    Especially stuff like which way to go.

enDad used to get sucked into the fights more easily in my childhood, and I believed they were equally at fault. He's improved since then and often ignores her attempts to start arguments over nothing these days, so I think that made it easier for me to see where the drama was coming from.

I guess what I'm saying is... I think it probably helps your kids a lot to have you there setting an example of what a stable, rational adult looks like.