Chronic Illness

[WhiteWolf]

Has anyone else been diagnosed with a chronic illness and had to deal with their PD spouse? That might be me soon (either a diagnosis of a chronic illness or tumor) and my PD said nothing when I told him. Unsurprisingly. I wonder how much of the symptoms I'm having are because of the stress and whether they'd disappear if I left. But then if I left I'd have no health insurance for what would probably be an expensive journey. And have to work long hours just to make ends meet while ill. Or I could eventually die and leave my children with my PD which just would be worse than actually dying I think. I'm probably overreacting as I don't have a clear diagnosis yet but all of this stuff is so much more complicated when I'm in a relationship like this, I can't talk to anyone about it and it makes me feel even more trapped. My previous therapist told me I'd have a major health issue if I stayed and I guess she was right. 

[Poison Ivy]

I didn't have a chronic illness, but I stopped telling my then husband about my health many years before our divorce. I'm rather private about my body and my health generally, and he was withdrawing emotionally from me, the marriage, and our children, and I decided it made no sense to share information with him that he seemed unequipped or uninterested in dealing with.

[WhiteWolf]

Poison Ivy I wish I could do that! Unfortunately he is literally the only person that can watch our children while I have to do multiple MRIs, bloodwork, doctor's appointments, and so on. We moved away from home to a rural town where I can't find a babysitter to save my life.

[Poison Ivy]

I'm sorry you're trapped in this situation. Also, I hope that whatever is ailing you turns out to be fixable.

[Justanotherlostgirl]

Hi Whitewolf,

I am new here so I am not sure how much advice I can offer, but I will try my best.

I have been diagnosed with two autoimmune diseases and my health was very poor. In fact, I actually believe that I do not have a health problem, but that being in my toxic environment has caused my issues. My husband recently left our home, and since then I have been doing a LOT better physically and have no symptoms of my Fibro. It is basically in remission. I went from hardly being able to get out of bed and move around due to back pain and migraines to being completely healthy.

Of course, I don't know what your full situation is, but I would really urge you to not google anything. Medical anxiety is a very real thing, and I am sure it would just add to the problems you're already experiencing with a PD spouse. I hope that you will be ok, and that your doctors will figure everything out quickly.

Sadly, I would not expect your spouse to be supportive. Mine was not at all, in fact he thought I was making it up and refused to take care of me in any way. It has been a very hard road. I hope your situation will be different, but from experience, I don't think you can count on your spouse to be there for you. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

WhiteWolf,  I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.  I am in a similar situation healthwise.  High probability I am on my way to a very serious illness with debilitation and early death.  But I haven't progressed to that point yet, and there is a chance I won't.  I will just keep following up with specialists and doing my best to take care of myself. 

I am now NC with my exPD.   But I well remember the days of a response of nothing but anger if I had any illness, minor or major.  Like PI, I'd try to hide it from him if I could so I wouldn't have to put up with the punishing behavior.

Being dependent upon a pwPD is pretty dreadful in my experience.  I'm glad you're on here sharing.  I found one of the best things I could do was to look for support wherever else I could find it.  Hopefully you will get good news at the end of your testing.  While you're going through this, I hope you can give yourself lots of extra TLC, just like you would one of your kids or a dear friend. 

[1footouttadefog]

You might check with the charitys and social workers in your area. I ha e a friend who was able to get day care vouchers when dealing with alot if stuff.

Also, the affordable health care marketplaces aka Obamacare online market place websites used to have things where you could estimate what your cost would be.

I hope you get good news, in the mean time practice self care and stay strong.