Why is it so hard to cut off a narcissist???!

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Yankeegirl

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Why is it so hard to cut off a narcissist???!
« on: July 25, 2021, 09:10:35 AM »
Omg I just never learn! I am yet again hurt.. this narc is so toxic and I keep second guessing myself but itís a fact. We were friends but the guy KNOWS I have feelings for him and he does not, yet he will flirt when heís lonely. Now itís his birthday weekend and I was having second thoughts about going to this rooftop tonight.  Last event he kept taking off and dancing with other girls. Last night, he did the same crap. This girl he went to school with and didnít introduce us bc he didnít remember her name but yet kept going to her to dance and leaving me!  I also observed how warm he is with the friends he doesnít see much compared to me. His claim that were really close friends is a load of crap! Close friends are warm with each other, not users! They value and respect each other not manipulate. And they sure as hell wouldnít do something that they know hurt that person or might end a friendship. Such crap! So we got into it and he was screaming at me saying Iím bugging out and told me to go home and how I will be apologizing tomorrow. We had plans tomorrow at a party  tonight but no way in hell am I going! If he did this tonight can you imagine what he would do tonight? I guess Iím partly to blame because I thought we could just be friends but I am feeling jealous and inadequate so clearly I need to just cut him off forever. He keeps me around for his ego and nothing more. And I am the selfish one? Bc he invited me and he kept taking off every 5 min. Like I donít expect him up my a** all night but for the most part with me all night but he wasnít. Even my sister who met him knew he was fake and doesnít give a crap about me. I didnít want to believe her. Do today is his birthday and heís expecting an apology. Heís not getting an apology nor a Happy BD. Iím cutting off all contact and moving on! Why should he change if I never respect myself enough to give consequences for bad treatment? Bye bye
« Last Edit: July 25, 2021, 09:23:40 AM by moglow »

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moglow

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Re: Why is it so hard to cut off a narcissist???!
« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2021, 09:36:32 AM »
Yankeegirl, I'm sorry you were hurt and disappointed by him again. I'm sure he'll have plenty of justifications and excuses for his behavior, if not turning it around and making you the bad guy altogether. You might even get a form of apology, until the next time. It's unfortunately familiar to me and there's honestly not a lot to be done but remove yourself from it.

I'm of the belief that you can't be "just friends" with someone you have romantic feelings for. Every encounter, lunch, party etc sets you up for pain because they're seeing it as "but *you said* we're just friends! Why is this a problem if we're friends?! You can go talk/dance with other guys! We're not together, remember??" etc Never mind that we said it so we can still be around and spend time with them - we set ourselves up for pain, thinking they'll change their mind. As you say, why should he? Nothing has changed for him.

Nobody has to be right or wrong here, just know that even a friendship shouldn't be causing you pain. He's being who he is, doing what he chooses. Do what you need for yourself.
"Expectations are disappointments under construction.Ē  ~ Cap'n Spanky

Stop Stinkin' Thinkin'!

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Yankeegirl

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Re: Why is it so hard to cut off a narcissist???!
« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2021, 12:49:35 PM »
I have always taken responsibility when Iím wrong. He refuses to see what he may have done that hurt my feelings to cause me to react. The fact that he gets angry, when I express my feelings tells me that to him, my feelings donít matter to him. Only the fact that itís his birthday. I mean itís not like itís his 18th birthday, come on now lol. Instead of being mature and thinking, well I did coax her to come so yeah I should have hung out with her more instead of taking off every 5 min. Maybe she was over reacting a little, but I can understand why she may have felt the need to do so. He refuses to see my perspective only his. I know this really has nothing to do with me but with him. He has a lot of issues and openly admitted how he has problems dealing with his emotions.

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Andeza

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Re: Why is it so hard to cut off a narcissist???!
« Reply #3 on: July 25, 2021, 01:06:49 PM »
In my experience the only thing you can rely on a narcissist to do, and do it quite reliably, is act like a narcissist. Everything you're describing is normal behavior for them. Even if he changes in some manner to try to get you to come back or stick around (and he likely will because while they love to discard they hate to be discarded) it will be temporary. Please keep that in the back of your mind as you move forward and move forward in a manner that protects you. But NPDs... they do their own thing, no matter how much it hurts the people closest to them, and then they'll turn right around and deny it, or make it your fault somehow. After long enough, you start to question yourself, start to feel a little crazy even... Be careful.
Remember, that there are no real deadlines for life, just society's pressures.      - Anonymous
Lasting happiness is not something we find, but rather something we make for ourselves.

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moglow

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Re: Why is it so hard to cut off a narcissist???!
« Reply #4 on: July 25, 2021, 01:43:04 PM »
He. He he. He, him, his. See a pattern there? It's all about him, that's how it works in his world. You have to think of you and your feelings. That's not his job, it's YOURS. He doesn't feel the way you do, doesn't see "this" the way you do - he asked a friend to go yo this gathering last night. It wasn't a date. If you ask him I guarantee that's what he'd say. "Why are you upset? We're not dating, not in a relationship. I asked you to go because I thought you'd have a good time..." I'm sure you've heard it all before.

Please don't sit there replaying this over and over, I should have said this or I wish he'd said that. It didn't happen that way. You had expectations from that party and he didn't meet them. Again. Your feelings were hurt because you want more from a man who doesn't want the same thing.

Send him a text, tell him you hope he has a great birthday then go about your day. Mute his messages or turn your phone off altogether but go about your day. Please.
"Expectations are disappointments under construction.Ē  ~ Cap'n Spanky

Stop Stinkin' Thinkin'!

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Yankeegirl

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Re: Why is it so hard to cut off a narcissist???!
« Reply #5 on: July 25, 2021, 04:29:03 PM »
In my experience the only thing you can rely on a narcissist to do, and do it quite reliably, is act like a narcissist. Everything you're describing is normal behavior for them. Even if he changes in some manner to try to get you to come back or stick around (and he likely will because while they love to discard they hate to be discarded) it will be temporary. Please keep that in the back of your mind as you move forward and move forward in a manner that protects you. But NPDs... they do their own thing, no matter how much it hurts the people closest to them, and then they'll turn right around and deny it, or make it your fault somehow. After long enough, you start to question yourself, start to feel a little crazy even... Be careful.
thank you for your input. Everything you are saying is true. Itís going to be hard, but Iím not giving him access into my life. If he wants to be right, then Iíll let him be right but I will move on and take my power back. I donít need a buddy. He knows I have feelings for him and he keeps screwing me over and playing with my mind. No more

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Yankeegirl

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Re: Why is it so hard to cut off a narcissist???!
« Reply #6 on: July 25, 2021, 04:34:34 PM »
He. He he. He, him, his. See a pattern there? It's all about him, that's how it works in his world. You have to think of you and your feelings. That's not his job, it's YOURS. He doesn't feel the way you do, doesn't see "this" the way you do - he asked a friend to go yo this gathering last night. It wasn't a date. If you ask him I guarantee that's what he'd say. "Why are you upset? We're not dating, not in a relationship. I asked you to go because I thought you'd have a good time..." I'm sure you've heard it all before.

Please don't sit there replaying this over and over, I should have said this or I wish he'd said that. It didn't happen that way. You had expectations from that party and he didn't meet them. Again. Your feelings were hurt because you want more from a man who doesn't want the same thing.

Send him a text, tell him you hope he has a great birthday then go about your day. Mute his messages or turn your phone off altogether but go about your day. Please.
I already did the birthday message, and he saw it. So thatís it. No point in going on this pointless relationship where weíre just not on the same page. I tried being friends with him, and he even tried to convince my sister what a great friend he was. She said she had to bite her tongue because he was so fake. And 4 of us hung out at my house one day and he slept over. In the morning, he was laying around all day and didnít help clean up. My sister, who was visiting out of state cleaned up. He didnít offer her the couch, and she has a bad back. But I made room for her to sit. So yeah, good riddance