I sucessfully quit!

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HeadAboveWater

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I sucessfully quit!
« on: July 28, 2021, 04:01:33 PM »
I suspect some of you all can relate to this: Leaving situations--relationships, jobs, volunteer positions--has often filled me with dread. I deeply internalized a sense of obligation, and I had a strong fear that people wouldn't like me, even if I were taking the reasonable step of caring for myself.

That said, I recently took on a new, part-time employment opportunity that should boost my resume, support my professional development, and lead to future employment opportunities in an area in which I am looking to grow. However, this meant that I needed to reduce the consulting hours I was doing for my own business. I knew pretty quickly which clients I wanted to leave, but I perseverated about contacting them for weeks, dreading the "break up." Well, I finally completed my client notifications, and it went really well. Both of these clients tried to make adjustments to our schedule and work arrangements to keep me on. Both of them also tried some waify-guilt trippy stuff to get me to stay or expand my hours as our relationship wraps up. Fortunately, I was able to stand firm and redirect to my original offer to perform x services, over y hours, concluding by z date. My boundaries worked and I held fast to them  :phoot:! Though the clients were resistant to ending our relationship, they stayed respectful, and I got what I needed.

What is further interesting is that in the quitting process, these clients reinforced to me that they are not the sort of folks I want to stick with for the long term. Neither has treated me horribly, but both have been persistently difficult in ways that are triggering to me. To see the last-minute guilt and hoovering that happened, I think my instincts about these relationships were correct. That has been such positive reinforcement to me. I can accurately choose who is good for me, and I can remain in control of my part of a relationship. It gives me hope that I am starting to shed the doubt and poor self esteem that I have been riddled with from growing up around PD individuals.

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xredshoesx

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Re: I sucessfully quit!
« Reply #1 on: July 28, 2021, 04:39:21 PM »
i know exactly what you mean.  it took me a whole summer to write the 12 sentence letter to my old admin that i was leaving for a new position.

congrats on both a personal and professional level! 

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Lookin 2 B Free

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Re: I sucessfully quit!
« Reply #2 on: August 01, 2021, 06:12:48 PM »
That's wonderful, HeadAbove.  Congratulations on your progress!