Need to send email to update siblings on mom's finances

[marymackblack]

My lawyer has advised that even though I"m not speaking to either of my siblings, both with PD, that I should give them periodic updates on my mom's finances (Mom has Alzheimers , is in a home, and I manage her care and finances from a distance).  The lawyer says since I'm POA , keeping them updated is smart in case they claim they didn't know something and try to attack me for it.
My therapist advised me to have our financial person send the email instead of me, but I am uncomfortable asking him to do that, instead I want to write them and CC the financial advisor in case they have questions.  I know that no matter what I say in this email , and it will be "just the facts m'am" , that they may retaliate in some way.

My BP sister wrote me a text a few weeks ago claiming my mom was being mistreated my a caregiver and to ask another caregiver for details. I freaked out and called the caregiver who supposedly had information, she had no idea what I was talking about and I realized my sister had made it up. This is the kind of thing she does.

Anyway, any advice is appreciated on how to keep up with what the lawyer suggests . Many thanks .

[Andeza]

You have a financial person, you pay them, this is within their job description. If you talk to them about it, I'd be very surprised if they've never sent such communications before. Besides, it's more "official" that way and looks better if the siblings ever try to stir anything up.

The worst he'll say is "I don't normally handle that." He won't ridicule you or make fun, and if he does, time for a new financial person.

[marymackblack]

Thank you Andeza. I'm having the finance person do it.   
Sometimes I think I ignore or avoid what's safest, because there is still part of me that wants a connection. Sigh.

[Andeza]

It's entirely understandable. And often our first instinct is that we need to step up and do something ourselves because... well when you sit and chew it over it's really just obligation or somesuch. In a normal, non-pd family, you'd be able to have these conversations in a respectful manner without somebody making drama where there need not be any. But, given the PD... best to make use of the resources available. Back atcha.

[hhaw]

I don't see why you have to inform your difficult sibs of anything.... you aren't obligated to, IMO.

You have the POA.  You're responsible, not them.  You don't need their approval, permission or blessing about anything.

Keeping the paperwork straight. Keeping the i's dotted and the t's crossed is what you're doing, along with handling your mother's care.... from a distance.

if your BP sister continues manufacturing chaos, I'd cite it in a letter and set a boundary around her contacting you going forward.  It's very stressful and could have lead to serious problems with caretakers.... false allegations...... people quitting or refusing to work with your mother.... accusing you of making false allegations which might have been your bp sister's goals or not.  Doesn't matter.

What does matter is limiting the chaos, IME.