New here; old trauma

[dazednconfused]

Glad to have found this. Is it normal to feel horribly alone on this journey? Divorced parents w an undiagnosed BPD mom who I'm definitely still in the FOG with. I'm the scapegoat of the family but I feel like the only other person who sees how bad she is is my father, who no longer has to deal with her as regularly (envy this!)

Has anyone tried therapy with a BPD person? How did it go? That seems to me my last option to be heard on any level.

[moglow]

Hi, and welcome to Out of the FOG. Yes, unfortunately it's horribly "normal" for many of us. I think being the scapegoat makes it worse but I'm also not altogether sure the golden child really gets it any better, not in the big picture

Tell me, IF you could get her into therapy with you, would being heard change your relationship with her? What if she refuses? How many times have you tried to be heard and left feeling flat, that nothing changed? Mine is a world class actor when others are around, can and will play whoever she can whenever she can. Whatever it takes to get her through and she'll walk all over everybody to get there. No, we've not tried therapy, probably because on some level we both know it's not worth it. I don't care to have yet another of her performances witnessed up close and personal, plus mother would never admit that her treatment of me is nowhere normal or acceptable. She may even realize on some level that a professional would see right through her, call her out on it. That is never allowed.

Are you currently in therapy for yourself? Having a counselor you can trust can be immeasurable in helping you find your voice.

[Spring Butterfly]

Welcome and you're far from alone - we all get it and you're in a safe community here.

Someone who wants to grow and heal would be seeking therapy for themselves - see this info here
https://www.outofthefog.website/treatment/

I have found my goal to be heard or understood changed over time. That goal's success is external to myself and dependent on others to first see they have a problem, then to heal as much as they can until they awaken to the fact it's not just about them but the pain they've cast onto others. Having a goal in any way external to my own self determining its outcome or success is futile in general so I focus on my own empowered growth.

Wishing you peace and a very healing journey