a year of NC

Started by Jolie40, August 02, 2021, 11:31:44 AM

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Jolie40

went NC last July & like SeaSalt, happy I did
looked back on Out of the FOG & see on my first post that there was guilt 2 mos after going NC

I can say today there are no feelings of guilt anymore!

I'm free to be me as the past starts disappearing in the rear view mirror
living in the present is taking over

:uhhuh:
be good to yourself

SeaSalt

Congrats Jolie40! Bravo for choosing peace over drama. Bravo for choosing to be brave and true to yourself than keeping and feeding old dysfunctional family dynamics. It is not an easy path the path of NC, it can be hard and lonely but its worth it. It gets easier. First time I went NC, I was NC for 3 years but it was really hard, I still had so much work to do on myself, on dealing with my emotions and cargo I carried from the past abuse. This time is much easier, experience helps, time heals, the dysfunctional family gets used to these new normal. At least for me, this time is much easier.
Regarding guilt, I learned that it depends a lot on definitions we give to the terms like family. When we redefine these important terms and give them a meaning adapted to our reality, than its much easier to release guilt. I was feeling guilty until I learned that I do not own anything to my abusers and those that never protected me. When I learned that I have right to put myself first, the guilt just dissipated on its own.

JustKat

Happy NC anniversary, Jolie40! I'm so happy that you're now living the life you deserve to have, free from suffering at the hands of people who should have cared for you. The rearview mirror is truly where they belong.

As for the guilt, I think that's pretty normal at the start. I never felt guilt about going NC with my Nmother, but did feel guilt about my enabling father. I felt sorry for him at the start, believing he didn't understand why I had left. More than one therapist told me that "he did the best he could," but he didn't. One thing I discovered about going NC is that once you're free of the drama you have a lot of time to reflect and see things for what they really were. I started to remember things I had buried and it became clear that I had done the right thing. I'm glad that you've also moved past any feelings of guilt and are living a happy, drama-free life.

Congratulations to you. Sending big hugs your way....
:bighug:

Hilltop

Congrats on your year of NC.  Well done, you deserve happiness and a peaceful life.

Starboard Song

Happy NCversary.

It is always sad to have to do it, but it is always better -- when it is the needful thing -- to do it well and with success. I am very happy for you.
Radical Acceptance, by Brach   |   Self-Compassion, by Neff    |   Mindfulness, by Williams   |   The Book of Joy, by the Dalai Lama and Tutu
Healing From Family Rifts, by Sichel   |  Stop Walking on Egshells, by Mason    |    Emotional Blackmail, by Susan Forward

Jolie40

thank you SeaSalt, JustKathy, Hilltop, & Starboard Song for your kind words!

so happy that I found this forum shortly after going NC
this is such a helpful and generous community of posters

:wave:
be good to yourself