Do they ever make you paranoid?

[Cat of the Canals]

Several years ago, my PDmil came to our house and brought some brownies. It wasn't unusual for her to bring small gifts or baked goods, especially because her favorite thing to do was show up unannounced, and she would use the "gifts" as the excuse for the unscheduled visit. "I had to bring these to you, so..."

She was extremely giddy when she presented us with the brownies. Huge smile and practically giggling. This is not her normal demeanor at all. The only other times she's ever acted like that was when she had some sort of sneaky scheme going on and thought it was all going to plan.

Like the time she purposely brought one of her possessions into our house for no reason just so she could "lose" it in the couch cushions, and then call 30 minutes after she left to say, "Oh no! I left my [thing] there. I guess I'll have to come back next week to get it!" Again, my husband described her voice as "giddy." This is NOT a giddy woman.

So back to the day of the brownie incident...

Husband: Why was she being so weird about the brownies?
Me: I don't know. She wouldn't... do anything to them, would she?
Husband: Like put laxatives in them or something?
Me: Well, I can't imagine her doing that, but she was being so weird...
Husband: I'm throwing them away. I don't think she'd actually do that, but I'm not eating them. I can't.

To this day, I really don't think she did anything to the brownies, but the fact that we even entertained the idea and couldn't bring ourselves to eat them is insane! I don't think I'm a very paranoid person. I've certainly never wondered if someone was trying to poison me before. But this is the kind of paranoid thought we sometimes have because we can't trust what she says and does.

[square]

I don't think you were being paranoid at all. Whether she did something to the brownies or not, she gave you logical and sound reasons to be suspicious. Her behavior that day tied with a lifetime of experience made your hesitation entirely rational.

[Janeite V]

Good on you and your husband for being safe and throwing them out. I am sure you learned from bitter experience not to give the benefit of the doubt when you see the deranged, giddy expression (I know exactly the one you mean).

Oftentimes I have a sense of disbelief at some PD behaviours. I find myself thinking "I knew he was like that, but cannot believe he took it that far" all while knowing it was perfectly consistent with previous experiences.

There was one time when my PD put a knife to my throat and made a sawing motion as a joke. It was far enough away from my neck, but to me it came across as a threat or at the very least a manifestation of his fantasy of killing me. He had that giddy expression going on.

Even if the brownies were safe (that is a big if) then there might have been something similarly symbolic going on there - perhaps having dropped something on the floor or spat in them.

[Happypants]

I've asked myself the same in the past. But i quickly came to the conclusion that I don't experience the same feeling when dealing with other people, only them.  The problem with having interacted with PDs for a long time is that behaviour that's normally considered unbelievable becomes a regular reality. I think there's a very fine line between being perceptive and being paranoid under those circumstances. Does wrongly predicting a crazy outcome from someone who has a history of crazy behaviour mean you're paranoid? I would say no. I'm glad you dumped the brownies 

[Hattie]

My Nmum once made me brownies with banana in them... knowing that I'm allergic to bananas.

When I found out, she acted like I was making a fuss over nothing.

It is a legit allergy! My mouth goes all prickly and my lips swells up when I eat banana!

So I say... Good call

[Cat of the Canals]

Thank you for the reassuring responses. It's hard to not feel silly and like we overreacted, even though we both strongly felt something was off.

I think she would be less likely to spit in them or drop them on the floor... her style would be to make us sick and then rush to our house to "take care of us." Munchausen by proxy style. Ick.

[Andeza]

Go with your gut. When in doubt, throw it out! And yes, I used to get paranoid about uBPDm too for various reasons. She'd get giddy over... weird stuff. She would also relay what other people said and then ask me what it meant, as though I knew. There was a tone, an oddness to her voice at those times.  What she really wanted was a theory that she could then shoot down in favor of her own.

[Cat of the Canals]

I'm glad you all understood the "giddy" thing. It's so hard to describe, and I doubt someone with no PD experience would get it, but if you know, you know....

[Call Me Cordelia]

Just because you felt paranoid doesn't mean she wasn't out to get you. 

I'm glad you listened to your instincts and didn't eat them too! The giddiness close under the surface sounds like a middle school boy asking you to pull his finger. Just... no thanks. I'd rather not.

[pianissimo]

her style would be to make us sick and then rush to our house to "take care of us."

That is not unlike them and that would have been my guess too. They love it when they have an excuse to take control of your life.

Did she check on you after she left the brownies, did she bring it up?

[Cat of the Canals]

Did she check on you after she left the brownies, did she bring it up?

For all her giddiness, she never asked about them or brought it up. Which is weird because she's also the type to demand to know how often we used the vacuum sealer she gave us as a gift once. (Answer: never.) 

[1footouttadefog]

It takes guts to trust your gut.

Good for you both that you listened to your instincts.