Buying cards for the NPD parent

[SunnyMeadow]

Oh brother, I went to buy an obligation birthday card for my covert NPD mother's birthday and I had such a hard time.

All the sweet words how she's the best, most caring and giving, no one compares 

I was looking for a very mild and generic mother card but there's none to be found. "Hey, it's your birthday again Mother and I'm feeling obligated to say Happy Birthday" would be good. Of course if I had picked out the one that really said only Happy Birthday, she'd go ballistic. "After ALL I've done for youuuu" 

The fun never ends. Does anyone else struggle with this? Have you ever found a less sappy card? I guess I could print one like the old days.

[FromTheSwamp]

I have sometimes resorted to buying a pretty blank card and writing in a message.  One of my least favorite things has been standing in the card aisle trying to find the right card for my mom.

If I get her a card with a message inside, there's also the trap of needing to remember what the stupid thing said, so when I get quizzed about it later as mom tries to mine the message for deeper messages, I know what she's talking about.  Gah, I just skimmed the sappy poem, mom, I want to say, it's a printed card for cripe's sake. 

[blacksheep7]

I am nc with nm but I hear you!  I remember how hard it was to find that special card, especially on Mother's day. 

[Andeza]

I buy blank inside cards at the dollar store for 99 cents. Then write a generic message inside. Usually works pretty well, because hey, I actually took the time to write something, no matter how short and non specific it is! I introduced dh to this tactic with his updm too. Works well. Plus then I don't have to read all the messages that don't apply...

[Leonor]

I also would add that a lot of those poems are creepy. They're SO over the top. I wonder if they're written for codependent foggy adult children of narcissists.

If my kids were to write me a heartfelt card it would probably be something like, "Hey Mom even though you say cringy stuff in the car when you're driving me and my friends around it's cool that you buy us all slushies at the gas station so thanks, luv ur kids"

[Cat of the Canals]

We don't really do cards in my family, so in the event that I do feel the need to send a card, I always buy boxes of generic blank cards that can be used for anything. PDmil sends my husband the most obnoxious cards in history. She recently tried to send two separate cards for his birthday. Thankfully we only received one and the universe took pity on us and lost the other in the mail. 

[Tribe16]

Ha ha Sunny Meadow, my uPD mother's birthday is next Monday and I am mailing my card tomorrow.

It has a retro 50s photo of a little girl with 2 missing front teeth and a smiling kitten.

The sentiment on the inside says "Withing you a Happy Birthday". (that is not a typo)

I figure, when all else fails, use a little humor. Besides, mom likes cats.  No sentimental cards from me this year.

[Boat Babe]

I have to buy blank cards for my mother cos the wording in cards with messages just doesn't work for me. I buy mum really nice, arty cards with nothing sentimental about them and write something bland. Seems to work.

[SunnyMeadow]

Thanks everyone! I like the idea of a pretty blank card and writing my own sentiment. (can't imagine what it will be lol)

These card companies really do go overboard! Syrupy sweet bunch of nonsense 

[Hepatica]

Leonor,

I think you have a line of cards to market there. I'd buy one. 

Seriously, enough with the over the top sappy cards Hallmark!  We need options here!

[Sneezy]

I had a similar conversation with a friend right after Mother's Day this year.  It is impossible to find a good Mother's Day card.  The people who design these cards obviously have no idea what a real mother/child relationship is like.  Hallmark cards are just like those Hallmark Christmas movies.  I mean, it would be nice if all our relationships were as ideal as the cards seem to think they are.  And who wouldn't want to fall in love in two hours with some handsome guy who wants nothing more than hot chocolate and marshmallows by the fire?  But it just isn't real life.

As far as cards for my Mom - she likes religious cards.  So I try to find one with a bible verse in it.  Often, those aren't quite as sappy as some of the others.

[Poison Ivy]

Blank card with a nice image on the front; inside, write, "Happy birthday!" and sign your name.

[Fortuna]

Before I went NC I ended up buying blank cards and writing Happy Birthday inside them. I simply could not stomach anything more because it felt like such a lie.  If she goes ballistic because it's not the right kind of sappy card, you could call her bluff and just text next year, preface it by saying, since you didn't seem to like the card last year..., I mean is she going to go MORE ballistic?

[SunnyMeadow]

That's a good point Fortuna, she can only go so ballastic.

I've recently been looking for a fully printed card so I don't have to write any of my own words. It's painful to think about writing anything she'd deem worthy enough. I go card shopping with one eye open type of thing so I don't invest too much time on her. My idea is find a card that isn't too mushy but says nice motherly things, sign and be done.

There was a time I thought of her as my best friend and best mother in the world. I did spend a lot of time looking for a perfect card that said all she meant to me. That's before she starting flinging big piles of crap at me and I saw her for who she'd always been, only concerned about herself.

[xredshoesx]

ughhhhh my worker made me send cards to my mother when i was in foster care.  i would seriously cut out the sentimental wording and sign my name.....

i like the idea of the blank card with a brief handwritten message.  i'm NC with my mother but i will suggest that to DH for his mother- he also has a hard time finding the right card- they don't make hallmark cards for mothers who purposely stop paying their mortgage, retire when they can't afford to live on SS alone and then expect their children to support them in the lifestyle they wish to become accustomed to which was my MILs plan A.  since that didn't work she had to find another way to make $$$ so she married a drummer in a bar band....

[Zebrastriped]

Bleeech, shopping in the happy family aisle for a dysfunctional parent card.  Oh what joy.  Hated every minute of it.  Used to search for the blandest preprinted sentiment I could find.  Y'all are very brave to handwrite anything.  I was much more sign and be done.

[Leonor]

The title of this thread deserves its own card section. "Kid's Birthday ... Congratulations ... Baptism ... NPD Parent ..."

Okay, write your own card-for-NPD-parent message ... Go!

"Dear Mom, thank you for giving me enough material to avoid those awkward silences in my therapist's office. - Your Adult Child."

[SunnyMeadow]

Good idea Leonor! I like your card 

Dear Mom, you always said you wish you still had a large family so they could do things for you.
Too bad you acted like a %#^& and ran them all off. You could have had dozens of people come to visit.

signed - the last one left

[Tribe16]

Dear Mom,

I know how much you enjoy utilizing the silent treatment, so I thought you would enjoy this silent greeting card.

Signed, I'm not listening anymore

[FromTheSwamp]

The old standby is "I hope you have the birthday you deserve"