My story

[DaisiesRpretty]

I found this site from a link in the book Power Surviving and thriving after Narcissistic Abuse by Shahida Arabi.  I read and reread the books I have to keep myself reminded that YES, It was ABUSE.  I am 54 years old.  Up until I was 50 I thought I was part of a big loving family.  When my oldest son began having serious trouble with drug and alcohol abuse at the age of 19, the crap hit the fan.    Looking back now, I see that it was always dysfunctional.  I grew up thinking it was normal.  My elderly parents decided that my husband and I were the cause of my son's problems and got busy "helping" him.  I sought out professionals, went to Al Anon, and support groups.  Husband and I made many very difficult, heart breaking decisions.  We tried to keep them informed and enlist there support.  They went behind our backs and did things we specifically asked them not to do.  I believe they thought they were the "perfect parents" and could rush in and save the day.  Well, they didn't.  While this process was going on I was finding myself more and more feeling like an outsider. My son's Alcoholism "had to come form my husband's side of the family".  My older sister, the "Golden Child" was not able to handle my depression and isolation.  She called me one day and proceeded to have a completely nonsense conversation with me because she was angry about a test my Dad was to have being canceled.  No matter what I said it enraged her.  I figured maybe she was stressed out and needed to talk, so I went to visit her to talk it over.  What happened was she went into a narcissistic rage. NOTHING I said got through to her.  She ended up informing me she needed to "take a vacation from me"

Things went from bad to worse with my son.  He totaled his car.  Left the scene, came home, I had to call the State Police because he got violent, put a hole in my wall.  We ended up getting him in a psychiatric hospital.  When I went to try to tell my parents what happened so they wouldn't hear it from gossip.  All they wanted to do was yell at me to "forgive my sister".  When I tried to explain my side my Mom just kept telling me I was "Keeping a record of wrongs".  This is just one of the many stories of the last 5 years.  My son is sober now.  For almost 2 years.  They have had very little to do with him since he got sober.

My son totaled his second car Less than 2 month's later.  The car my parents found and helped him buy.  A constable came to the house,  there was a warrant for my son's arrest.  2 DUIs.  Yet again I thought I could talk to my parents.  This resulted in yet another epic narcissistic rage from both my Mother and my Father.  My husband was called a "hairbrain"  My Dad slapped a tablet and pencil down in front of me and yelled at me to write down everything he ever did wrong.  My Mother was again with the "You need to forgive"  She kept telling me I thought my in-laws were perfect and That I thought they never did anything right.  At that point I went to leave and was physically restrained by my Dad and younger sister.  My mother actually threatened to call the police on me, because I was trying to leave.  Then she stated acting like she couldn't breath .  After she calmed down I did leave.  I learned from my younger sister that after I left,  they hid any evidence I was there and went on with my nephew's birthday party like nothing ever happened.  I however, was a mess.  My husband was starting a new job the next day and my younger son was starting college.   Compassion would have been nice.

This is just a small sample of the events of the 5 years.   I have been shunned by all but my brother's family.  If I don't call them, I don't hear from them.  I think I am done.  My husband and both sons were completely excluded from my older sister's son's wedding.  I was always a good Aunt to him.   I could go on and on.  I do not deserve the treatment I have received.  I was AlWAYS very good to all of them.

[Starboard Song]

Thank you for sharing a heartbreaking story. I think you are in the right place. Consider starting in our Toolbox, and the section on What To Do. It is full of good tactics that help us all even in normal relationships. And in dysfunctional relationships they are critical.

Welcome to this space, where people understand.