Is there a term for this behavior?

[DazedDandelion]

Hi there,

I've been trying to name a toxic tactic that my father often uses, and I was wondering if anyone on this forum knows of a term for this behavior? 

When an emotionally difficult topic is brought up in conversation (eg. talking about a death in the family, boundaries, medical issues, ect), my father will say one short sentence (often trying to put a positive spin on things), quickly followed by a, "well, anyways," and then he immediately changes the topic between 2-5 times in less than 5 minutes. It prevents conversation from coming to a natural close and prevents emotions from being processed. It's highly confusing, disorienting, and it causes me to have difficulty remembering what was just talked about.

I've not been able to find a term to describe this particular kind of conversational avoidance that uses rapid fire topic changes to instills confusion and amnesia in the other person. I asked my therapist about this today, he knew what I was talking about and had heard others describe something similar, but also couldn't think of a specific term.  Does anyone know if there is specific term for this?


Thanks so much

[Spring Butterfly]

Hi there - it sounds a little like denial and a desire to disassociate to me. I'll move this topic to Common Behaviors board to see if others can provide insight.

[Cat of the Canals]

I've heard it called "brightsiding" as in "look at the bright side." Also "toxic positivity," depending on the context. I would consider both a form of gaslighting.

My PDmom and PDmil both do this. One time PDmil was talking about her ex who was the former stepfather to my husband and his brother. The three of them were recounting how awful it was living with this man, and then she capped off the conversation with a cheerful, "But we had good times, didn't we?" My husband and BIL both kind of blinked and said, "Nope." It was like she suddenly realized, mid-conversation, that she was partially responsible for this abusive familial arrangement and needed an out so as to not be blamed, and the only thing she could think to do was to flip to saying how great things were overall.

In PDmom's case, she is very much a BPD Queen and thus everything in her realm must be perfect. Any problem that might arise is dealt with by firmly denying that it is a problem at all. When I was distressed because my cat was sick, she said, "Well, there are plenty of other cats in the world!" 

[Honey_B]

I would say Toxic Positivity combined with Word Salad. Dr Ramani has a good YouTube video on Toxic Positivity.

Word Salad is when the narc spins topics and words around very fast in a short time to confuse you, it seems from your description that he is doing that as well. Word Salad is just another way to gaslight..

[xredshoesx]

i get in trouble on the job for telling too much of the truth.  our admin does what you are describing- we call it toxic positivity too.

[Hazy111]

 I have a friend? who if you dare to criticise the Government, politicians etc  always and always says " Well it could be worse , we could live in Russia "

He has a " punitive conscience" when it comes to authority, so really hates it if i criticise those in authority. So he uses it stop  conversation dead as he feels uncomfortable with the topic.

There are various other subjects that are "verboten" and employs similar techniques. If you talk about any crime programme, for instance he often says "Why are people so obsessed with crime and criminals?"

Because of his "punitive conscience" he hates anyone who "breaks the rules", even if its a documentary. He wont watch it

A comical one is a TV programme about a subject he really likes but he hates the presenter, cos he wears bright clothes!  "Why do they have to bring attention to themselves? " he often asks. He wont watch it now

I agree, its a bullying gas lighting technique to stop you talking.

[pianissimo]

If he is doing it in one-on-one conversations, like when you approach him to resolve an issue with him, my guess is that it's word salad, gaslighting and emotional abuse.

[Fortuna]

Sounds like deflection. If he is not willing to discuss a sensitive topic he's saying something somewhat positive and trying to change the subject. It may simply be a signal that he is not equipped to deal with that particular topic at this time and this is how he is coping with it. It may be problematic if you are trying to discuss his actions toward you, but may just be his way of not dealing with painful things.

[1footouttadefog]

My thoughts were it's avoidance of the topic

It's also I validation of your thoughts on the subject anf feelings about it. 

It's a form of gas lighting.

[Free2Bme]

my $.02 ~

A form of gaslighting, or maybe stonewalling.  This is definitely an attempt to "control the narrative" whatever the motive.

It is narcissistic in that even if someone else needs/wants to discus a particular topic, if the disordered individual doesn't want to for some reason they will simply shut it down. 
Because they are the most important person in the room and it suits them.

[DetachedAndEngaged]

You are right that it is a form of avoidance and deflection.

I've observed this kind of thing before and I call it "channel flipping"--the image I have is of someone sitting with the TV remote control running through channels, not leaving one on for more than a few seconds--but I've never seen anyone else describe it as such.

[Hattie]

I'm not sure what this is called. I think it is quite similar to "fogging".

But anyway I just wanted to say, my nMum does this ALL THE TIME!  Particularly when I'm angry.

This happened earlier when I was telling her about a frustrating situation I'm dealing with at work. She listened for a bit and then changed the subject suddenly. It makes me really angry as she just doesn't express much empathy for me, and I'm left feeling abandoned.

[Call Me Cordelia]

I like "channel flipping." I've experienced this too with my uNparents and IL's. If I brought up something about my own life, particularly something not productive of narcissistic supply for them, it led to an immediate topic change. Flip the channel back to ME Network. In my experience it usually took the form of not allowing me to get a word in edgewise.

Rapidly changing the channel multiple times is discombobulating. I wonder if they are having some sort of flight reaction internally while they engage in this behavior.

[JustKeepTrying]

Goodness, this is triggering for me.

My xOCPDh did this all the time and I think I may have fleas because I find myself doing it sometimes as well.  I find it disorienting when he did it and I did it when I thought the conversation was coming to a close and my DD would look at me like - I'm not done.  You are dismissing me.

I don't do it anymore and if I do - I apologize as soon as I recognize it.

As for my ex, it was his favorite way to distract me from any material he didn't want to deal with.  And always in such a way that if I criticized it or called the attention back I got silent treatment or reprimanded.  Ugh, one of the reasons I like only direct conversations anymore.

[Hazy111]

I think " channel flipping" , "toxic positivity or bright siding" should be added to the glossary of behaviors.     I love the "Flip the channel back to ME Network"  That reminded me of  "Stuck on transmit never receive"

It triggered memories of my mother when i tried to discuss something, she would often reply with a cliche or a platitude.  Her favorite when discussing someone who was diagnosed  with cancer was, "Well everyone gets cancer" .    End of conversation.

Another version of this, is to try to add to the conversation but not really know anything about the subject. . Its like an auto response,  I know someone who does this regularly and i think their  feelings of inferiority are being triggered. They feel they must say something.

They reply  with " Well of course when you think about it..."   and  " Well that was bound to happen...  " or " The simple facts of the matter are .... "  or "What im trying to say is.... "  in a knowing exasperated tone with accompanying eye roll .    

But the rest of what they say  bares no relation to what youre talking about. Its just often an incoherent ramble. 

I think they  want to sound authoritive  . Rather than just  say " I dont really have a view on it . Its not something i think about.  Or I dont know enough about it to comment"  But who do you know who says that ?