Financial Abuse

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PlantFlowersNotWeeds

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Financial Abuse
« on: August 24, 2021, 06:05:12 PM »
I was reading prior posts last night, and it hit me how my narcissist husband abused me financially.   And, boy, was he good at it.  Like most situations, it started gradually.  Being in the FOG, I couldn't see the truth.  He avoided any kind of solid, employment that required any consistency from him.  And, he often used his health as an excuse.  A few years back, we were so behind in bills, I worked more hours....not him.  WHY DID I DO THAT!!  I so wish I could talk to my younger self.  My current self has her eyes wide open.

His usual statement, "I'll have money for you next week".  If I hear that one more time.....It's never today - always tomorrow or next week.  The only reason we are financially stable is because of my choices and stable career.  I hope my attorney can minimize what I have to give to him -  I try not to focus on that, but it is hard. 

I don't want to live with him one more second.  Right now, we are in the same house.  He has it so good, why would he leave?  He is getting served sometime next week and the process will start.  I already warned my attorney he will delay, delay, delay, and then delay more.  I am going to keep pushing my attorney to move forward - no second chances - misses a deadline?  oh well, move forward.  (I realize this is slightly unrealistic, but you get my point).

To any one reading this -

IF YOU PARTNER/SPOUSE/ETC...  IS UNWILLING TO BE A 50/50 CONTRIBUTOR, PLEASE TAKE A STEP BACK.  IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT? IS THIS OKAY FOR YOU? ARE YOU BEING ABUSED? PLEASE, DON'T WAIT AS LONG AS I DID

I wish I was honest with people about my life and someone gave me this advice years ago.  I just kept making excuses for him to hide my shame.  Shame is a powerful, paralyzing emotion.  I kept working harder - if I give more, then he'll see that, and start to give.  Yeah, nope.  Not how it works with a narcissist.

Done venting for now -

Looking forward to feeling free -even if it's with half of my assets.  I'll be free. 

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Bloomie

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Re: Financial Abuse
« Reply #1 on: August 25, 2021, 11:50:21 AM »
PlantFlowersNotWeeds - what a powerfully written cautionary tale for all. How we do wish we could go back and have a straight talk with our younger selves. :upsidedown:

The lack of reciprocity and the irresponsibility you warn to look for and evaluate is spot on. Something I needed to be reminded of today, so thank you!

Sending you strength as you continue to push toward freedom!

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blunk

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Re: Financial Abuse
« Reply #2 on: August 25, 2021, 04:03:28 PM »
Wow PlantFlowersNotWeeds, I could have written every word of this post. I worked 2 jobs for years while my bpdxh sat at home collecting unemployment and yet did nothing around the house. He also blamed his health...along with anyone and anything else. Unfortunately, when we divorced I kept the house and had to pay him the equity from our home in the form of alimony. But at that point the cost didn't matter, I would have paid anything to have him out of my life. He even used his health to get me to hold off filing, stating that he had to be at his job for 90 days to qualify for insurance. Except our state has a 90 day waiting period from filing to the earliest possible court date. Manipulation right to the end.

I am so glad for you that he is being served soon. Every step counts on the road to freedom. Sending you strength.