So we are “broke up”…..again

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Gettintired76

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So we are “broke up”…..again
« on: August 25, 2021, 12:02:10 AM »
My bpd? g/f announced to me a couple weeks ago the she can no longer stand around me, hovering daily that she can’t wait til I leave. Understand she has done this a plethora of times in the past. And it’s always the same I have to stay at her house to watch the kids, I’m not “permitted” to have them at my home if I have one. And it’s the same MO every time, abrupt “break up” followed by suddenly wearing make up which she never wears while we are together, and expensive new hairstyle and new sexy clothes. Now yeah I could chalk it up to her trying to feel good about herself, however every time in the past it ended up she was in fact sleeping with someone else. By now I just don’t care anymore, I just don’t want the kids hurt, because when she does this it’s like she has a tendency to forget she has them and totally ignores them. The last time this happened she avoided me and the kids for nearly a month before “sending” us away to the state my family lives in. I’m just over it, and honestly can’t wait to get my own place and hopefully have a happy rest of my life with my kids.

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Gettintired76

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Re: So we are “broke up”…..again
« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2021, 08:07:32 PM »
I’m wondering why there’s 85 views but replies. I’m not blaming the viewers, I’m concerned I may have said something they felt was offensive or something, if so I apologize, was just stating the situation I’m having. “Peace to all who enter here.”-Dante

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1footouttadefog

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Re: So we are “broke up”…..again
« Reply #2 on: August 28, 2021, 03:12:46 PM »
I typed a post previously and it's not here. Perhaps there has been a glitch.

I think thst the repeated pattern you are seeing tells you the truth you need to know.

Quite often the PD people in our lives show us and tell us the truth about who they really are and we fail to accept that reality.

It seems like you have been devalued on more than one occasion.

It is very unfortunate children have to suffer due to this situation.  I hope you will concentrate on tsking care of you and the kids and don't spend anymore time trying to figure out her issues.

Taking care of you is critical at this point. The kids are depending on you and you yourself deserve not to be abused.

Eat well, get good sleep, and be spiritually, physially, emotionally, mentally, intellectually, artistically  and socially fit.

So often in abusive relations ships we go into survival mode trying to sacrifice more and more of ourselves to the complexity.  Rebuild, be strengthened, and find your power and path forward. 

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Lookin 2 B Free

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Re: So we are “broke up”…..again
« Reply #3 on: August 29, 2021, 01:31:30 AM »
It sounds like you are ready to get out of this, or close to it.  That's a big step in itself considering most of us are trauma bonded to the PD.  Many of us never get there.

I hope you can keep reading here, the tools and the posts, and continue to share with us.  Should you decide to make a move, there are many people here who can share great suggestions

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Gettintired76

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Re: So we are “broke up”…..again
« Reply #4 on: August 30, 2021, 03:07:03 PM »
Her idea of “broke up” is she sees whoever she wants whenever, while she has to “approve” who I see, as well as I have to stay at her house throughout the week because she doesn’t want me to take the kids to my new house when I get one, she wants our vacations to be together and wants joint birthday parties and such.

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Gettintired76

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Re: So we are “broke up”…..again
« Reply #5 on: September 12, 2021, 10:14:59 PM »
It really hurts when you sank all of your savings into a home and they automatically assume you are the one leaving and even throw your belongings outside. And now she has commenced the “they were abusive and distant etc.” monologue with her friends and family. I know none of you know me and for all you know I was the abusive one. I wasn’t I just wish I could convey the pain and suffering (both emotionally and physically) that I’ve been put through by her and her family.

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1footouttadefog

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Re: So we are “broke up”…..again
« Reply #6 on: September 13, 2021, 02:46:44 AM »
MYbe firmly suggest she will be the one moving. She cannot stand to see you so she is the one making it possible to stay together. The children should not be disrupted. Perhaps offer her enough to pay a deposit and rent on an apartment to make it smoother for her, and get her to peace sooner, which of course leaves you and the kids at peace sooner also.

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Gettintired76

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Re: So we are “broke up”…..again
« Reply #7 on: September 13, 2021, 09:18:46 AM »
You don’t “firmly” suggest anything to her, you do and it’s “I’m don’t have to deal with your abusive attitude anymore. And furthermore and sadly she will never be at peace, no matter what happens she will find a reason to say she’s miserable. For 15 yrs she has ran me off only to later beg me to come back. I took her back last time a) the kids b) her Dad pretty much gave me no choice. She was in the psych hospital for multiple suicide attempts and drug OD’s ( one attempt in front of our then 6 yr old and 7 yr old). Instead of her Dad taking responsibility of her he made it plain he wasn’t dealing with her she was my problem even tho we are not married.  So I had to take her back and help HER get our kids back (long story)  so my babies wouldn’t go into foster care.

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1footouttadefog

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Re: So we are “broke up”…..again
« Reply #8 on: September 14, 2021, 11:46:47 AM »
Perhaps seek legal advise so you can start establishing custody.

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Gettintired76

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Re: So we are “broke up”…..again
« Reply #9 on: September 14, 2021, 04:17:28 PM »
I’m looking at that. But it’s gonna be hard I’ve been threatened by her and her family multiple times thru the years. But I do have to think of my kids, my youngest daughter doesn’t get her medication right, neither of my daughters are enrolled in school, she claims they are home schooled but I see nothing of that, and the hygiene of all three children is deplorable. Tho better when I and my family can do something about it. My daughters are 10 and 11 and I can’t go in the bathroom and wash them and she re refused to do it and pitches a fit when one of my sisters offers to help.

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Starboard Song

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Re: So we are “broke up”…..again
« Reply #10 on: September 14, 2021, 05:50:47 PM »
GettinTired,

I think it is time to make a list of things you are certain of. And a list of reasons why you should work to restore this relationship. And a list of reasons why it is time not to.

Just write them down. When you have done that, you can make some conclusions about where you want to be in 12 months. Of what you want for the children in 12 months. And what you owe or don't owe to your girlfriend.

I think this exercise would be valuable, and help you gain some clarity. It won't solve your problems, but it will probably point you with greater confidence in one direction.
Radical Acceptance, by Brach   |   Self-Compassion, by Neff    |   Mindfulness, by Williams   |   The Book of Joy, by the Dalai Lama and Tutu
Healing From Family Rifts, by Sichel   |  Stop Walking on Egshells, by Mason    |    Emotional Blackmail, by Susan Forward

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Gettintired76

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Re: So we are “broke up”…..again
« Reply #11 on: September 15, 2021, 06:02:07 PM »
Ty vm starboard I have actually been mentally doing that for awhile now and all roads lead to ending it. There’s just no hope of her taking responsibility for her actions and mistakes, of any changes being made, of her seeing me as a person and not and instrument to do her bidding, etc. I know what my goals for myself and my children are, and what should be done and or they and myself should be doing in 12 months, and it will be a long hard hike there.

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Gettintired76

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Re: So we are “broke up”…..again
« Reply #12 on: September 27, 2021, 04:23:11 PM »
Ok so I was tidying up outside, Her backpack for work was laying on the porch, I had thought maybe our daughters had had the bag yesterday until I saw her stuff in it. I noticed an old earbud accessory case of mine and wandered what she had in it. She had two of my razor cartridges in it. I had found one busted on the living room floor the other day and thought the dog had gotten ahold of an old one, but now I know what’s going on. And I am very concerned.
« Last Edit: September 28, 2021, 09:52:33 AM by Starboard Song »