New here.

[JRPGFanatic]

Like others here, I have been spending my life dealing with a narcissist.  In my case, the narcissist is my mother.  She supposed she won the jackpot when I got diagnosed with being on the autism spectrum when I was three.  She loves portraying herself as a strong autism mother who is always willing to fight for what is best for me, while at the same time telling everybody to never take anything I say seriously.  She has my entire blood family on her side on this one.

For example, she recently sent out a chain mail to all of her co-workers with a poem I wrote when I was in high school that described how isolated I felt because I was being bullied nonstop.  She forwarded the poem by stating that I never told her I was being bullied during that time, and that I left her completely in the dark.  That is a lie.  I remember specifically telling her on many occasions how bad things were for me at school, and I also remember her responding by either telling me that I should try to befriend the bullies because they were clearly very unhappy people, or that I should get over it because at least I was able to walk and I was not in a wheelchair.  I cannot even confront my mother over this because she would only lie to me and say that I remembered things differently than they actually happened due to my autism.

I am currently learning how to be my authentic self and creating some distance between myself and my blood family.  I want to eat a healthy diet, work out every day at the gym, do a lot more writing for recreational purposes, play my JRPGs in my spare time, learn to cook a wide variety of meals and host epic dinner parties for my friends once the pandemic dies down, buy a bicycle and ride on trails, get out of my financial debts and curb my shopping addiction.  For some reason, my mother opposes all of this because I believe she wants me to keep on thinking of myself as a victim - it is easier for her to keep me under her thumb that way.  As long as I remain visibly upset with her, she can continue to play the victim card.  I cannot allow myself to keep giving her the reactions she wants to see out of me.

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the group- i'm sorry the relationship with your mom taking advantage of your uniqueness has brought you here but at the same time i am so glad you are reaching out.

it sounds like you have some great goals to work towards for a healthier you- both physically and mentally.  what i read in your introduction is that learning about and working on making some boundaries between you and her is something that may help you get these things accomplished for yourself and your peace of mind.

here's the boundaries article to give you some ideas.  an example that i practice is not checking my phone after a certain time of the night- my admin has a BAD HABIT of emailing at all times in the middle of the night and that's fine if she wants to lose sleep but i'm out by 9:30 and my phone is OFF and i have my peace from her on my family time outside of the job.

https://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/3/boundaries

hope to see you on the boards soon!

[JRPGFanatic]

Thanks for the welcome.

Yeah, I have spent far too many years of my life letting my boundaries crumble at the whim of my mother.  I am working on creating an emotional divorce not just from her, but from my entire blood family.  Her narcissism was not created in a vacuum - there are so many generations of abuse and denial behind it.  I can't save any of them, nor is it my responsibility to do that anyway.

I am not a victim today.  I want to live how I like, with my solid support circle, my great job, my hobbies and my health.  I have to be selfish in my recovery from this - if I can't take care of myself, how can I take care of anybody else?  I see not very many people in my blood family taking good care of themselves.  Call me judgmental if you wish, but they all seem to have addictions of some sort feeding their unhealthy lifestyles.

Yeah, boundaries were never really a thing to be found in my blood family.