Starting to break free of their emotions.

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sambellscoup

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Starting to break free of their emotions.
« on: September 01, 2021, 11:11:56 PM »
I seem to hop from writing in the cooling threads to writing here. But sometimes even with no responses, writing out the mental process really focuses it.

I'm starting to not care about them any more. Just a bit. I had my HPD sister, who blocked me months ago for standing by my boundaries, begin commenting on my business page out of nowhere today. I went through the usual sinking dread of "Oh no, what now?" But then, I remembered that I'm done with this nonsense. She's been following my page all this time and perhaps she's getting jealous of my focus being on my business and my own success, and wants to poke it apart or insert herself into it, or perhaps it's just her spineless way of worming her way into my life again without having to apologise or acknowledge her lousy inappropriate behaviour.

I'm so fed up though. That she can't just... go away. I feel like maybe I'm approaching not being nice to people "just because" anymore. The strength I build every time I get a break from these bizarre people is amazing. My entire life goes better. My energies are focused on the right thing: me. My life. My husband. My pets. My needs. It's been amazing lately not to be concerned with what the random weirdos far away want me to be doing right this second.

It seems like every time I feel myself start to flourish in this freedom, one of the toxic people turns up and pokes at me. It's like they can sense my growth no matter how far away I am, and they're so deeply offended by it that they have to try and mess with me and crush my spirit again.

It's almost like they're machines, not people. Like they don't even have personalities or drive or inspiration of their own. They just have to feast on mine. It's sad, but it's almost hard to think of them as complete humans, the way they behave. They just come across as these empty vessels needing to suck the life out of me to get by.

As long as they carry on mindlessly playing their stupid roles, I struggle to see why I should bother feeling bad for them when I need to do stuff like block them off social media or refuse to engage. They've always cared way less about me than about their twisted desires. Why should their rage or shock bother me?

One thing I know for absolute fact: the longer I stay away from them, the better my life gets. And that's a huge deal. So I need to give myself permission to be separate, and to stay away from them.

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Bloomie

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Re: Starting to break free of their emotions.
« Reply #1 on: September 02, 2021, 12:54:56 PM »
sambellscoup - it is good to get some time and distance away from behaviors and choices of others that are bringing us down and hurting us. I have observed that the healthiest people I know do that instinctively and naturally without much observable angst. But, when we have lived with this atmosphere of risk and push/pull - coming close, moving away, constant threat of rejection and ostracization - when we do pull away from harmful behaviors it can be really hard.

Coming to a place of acceptance of others as they have shown themselves to be and working toward empowerment within myself to pursue loving, genuine, supportive relationships and connections versus unhealthy relationships, is key I am finding.

Building a set of core values from which I live my life and make choices to engage or not with certain behaviors or people, is worthy work. This is a short article that helped me as I began to develop my own core values as building blocks to my character and that reflect who I want to be: https://liveboldandbloom.com/11/self-improvement/values-in-life

I hope you find it helpful, too as you process this and turn the page on some of this from your family members that has been hurting you for so long.

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Coyote23

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Re: Starting to break free of their emotions.
« Reply #2 on: September 04, 2021, 02:25:36 PM »
I very much resonate with your struggle. If you havenít already, I would consider blocking her from your business page. I had to do that with my sister and in my case Iím not even sure she noticed. That kind of thing would rattle anyone.

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guitarman

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Re: Starting to break free of their emotions.
« Reply #3 on: September 04, 2021, 02:58:04 PM »
You are doing so well. By not engaging you are not feeding their narcissistic supply. You are not giving them the attention they so desperately crave. Actors need audiences.

They maybe trying to push all your buttons to get a reaction from you, any reaction. Narcissists hate to be ignored but itís the best thing for you to do.

Observe donít absorb.

Keep calm. Stay strong. Be safe.
"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author

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AlisonWonder

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Re: Starting to break free of their emotions.
« Reply #4 on: September 23, 2021, 09:29:51 PM »

One thing I know for absolute fact: the longer I stay away from them, the better my life gets. And that's a huge deal. So I need to give myself permission to be separate, and to stay away from them.

sambelscoup, you rock.  I feel I know exactly what you are talking about.  Keep going.
child of the 60s, clinically disturbed mother, responsible cptsd father, much-older abusive siblings

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SunnyMeadow

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Re: Starting to break free of their emotions.
« Reply #5 on: September 25, 2021, 09:57:18 AM »
I'm so fed up though. That she can't just... go away. I feel like maybe I'm approaching not being nice to people "just because" anymore. The strength I build every time I get a break from these bizarre people is amazing. My entire life goes better. My energies are focused on the right thing: me. My life. My husband. My pets. My needs. It's been amazing lately not to be concerned with what the random weirdos far away want me to be doing right this second.

It seems like every time I feel myself start to flourish in this freedom, one of the toxic people turns up and pokes at me. It's like they can sense my growth no matter how far away I am, and they're so deeply offended by it that they have to try and mess with me and crush my spirit again.

One thing I know for absolute fact: the longer I stay away from them, the better my life gets. And that's a huge deal. So I need to give myself permission to be separate, and to stay away from them.

I feel the strength in your post and like it! I feel this way too. When my mom doesn't message me and interrupt the peace, I start forgetting about her and it's wonderful. No drama, pouting and outrage. It is freedom, and like you, my life feels better. Thanks for putting this into words!