Avoidance and pandemic stress

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treesgrowslowly

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Avoidance and pandemic stress
« on: September 02, 2021, 05:11:07 AM »
It is hard to recover from codependency in the middle of a pandemic.

Is it just me or are others also seeing a lot of avoidance these days?

For those of us with codependency histories, this avoidance by others can be such a hard trigger to manage these days.

This article described some of the things I've watched people doing over the last while. They don't seem aware that they are being avoidant. They certainly don't seem aware that they are upsetting the people around them. Anyone else notice avoidant behaviours in people who are probably worn down by the pandemic?

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/codependent-relationship-signs/


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blacksheep7

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Re: Avoidance and pandemic stress
« Reply #1 on: September 03, 2021, 02:13:52 PM »
It is hard to recover from codependency in the middle of a pandemic.

Is it just me or are others also seeing a lot of avoidance these days?

For those of us with codependency histories, this avoidance by others can be such a hard trigger to manage these days.

This article described some of the things I've watched people doing over the last while. They don't seem aware that they are being avoidant. They certainly don't seem aware that they are upsetting the people around them. Anyone else notice avoidant behaviours in people who are probably worn down by the pandemic?

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/codependent-relationship-signs/

Hi Trees,

Co-dependency is always a good subject.  Can you be more specific, perhaps giving an example.

Is it someone in your Foo or other person in your life avoiding you (a relationship) or is it avoiding a conflict.  Or is it just indifference.  I have often mentionned that my friends were avoiding me.  Even during the pandemic I hardly heard from them while the news and media would say to stay connected to each other for moral support.  Most were visible on Facebook but I find it to be  superficial just posting whatever which is  adressing the friends in general.  I'm not a big Facebook fan, I use it to keep in touch with my family in Europe.
Nothing beats the good old telephone for a chat which is a sure thing for a picker upper.  Do you agree?
I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear.

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Sapling

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Re: Avoidance and pandemic stress
« Reply #2 on: September 04, 2021, 05:26:29 AM »
Thanks for posting this article Trees.

In answer to your question "Anyone else notice avoidant behaviours in people who are probably worn down by the pandemic? " YES!!!

It's hard not to take it personally, but I think a lot of people have trouble just saying "I don;t have the bandwidth to listen to you right now" so they avoid. I think most people are feeling some kind of strain during this pandemic whether its due to work or feeling boxed in at home or having extra responsibilities (eg. homeschooling kids). I've found that even people from whom  I normally expect patience or understanding just can't get there right now. I try to reassure myself that its not about me, its about the circumstances we're all living through rn.

Was there something specific that happened that triggered you?

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treesgrowslowly

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Re: Avoidance and pandemic stress
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2021, 11:40:08 AM »
Hi Blacksheep7 and Sapling,

Yep, you both are talking about the same things I'm thinking about too right now.

Blacksheep7, what you describe is exactly the examples I'm thinking about. Even during a pandemic, where people were reminded to reach out for support, so many just went to social media to make really superficial posts.

Sapling, I just thought this could be an interesting article if others here at OOTF are wondering why people around them are being strange right now. A lot of us have traits of codependency after narc abuse, and then having people around us who are also avoidant, can be confusing. Not all avoidant behaviour is narcissism - as we know, but both narcissism and avoidance are hard for codependents to deal with over and over.

Trees


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Hattie

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Re: Avoidance and pandemic stress
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2021, 02:25:58 PM »
Yeah , I have been dealing with a lot of this from my friends lately. I hate it and find it really triggering. Does seem that the pandemic is kicking this up.

I asked a friend if she wanted to meet up to go to a specific event today and she never bothered replying. I would have appreciated a reply, even if it was "no".

I am trying to make some new friends, now that things are opening up a bit, as I don't think it is great for my self-esteem to keep on reaching out to people who make no effort.

Love is patient; love is kind.
It does not envy; it does not boast.
It is not proud. It does not dishonour others.
It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered.
It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

1 Corinthians 13: 5-8.

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treesgrowslowly

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Re: Avoidance and pandemic stress
« Reply #5 on: September 08, 2021, 11:50:33 AM »
Hattie,

Yep...that is familiar to me too.

I don't think the article I posted in my original post, is the best one on this topic, but it listed the experiences of a codependent, and it got me thinking about how the avoidance in others, leads to us feeling those damn codependent feelings all over again.

Someone not even bothering to text you back a reply (even if it is a no) is such a perfect example of avoidance.

I'm frustrated by it too. Even in a pandemic, people have time to text back "Oh wow, thank you Hattie for this invitation. I can't do that today but thanks for the invitation.".

It was nice of you to ask your friend to go to an event. It sucks that so many people are being like this - not even replying. It does wear on us.

I have found a few more things to enjoy on my own over the next while. It would have been nice to enjoy them with others but after so much of this same sort of thing, where people decline the invites, I need a break from more of that!!

But it is really hard to recover from codependency during a pandemic. So I appreciate other people sharing their thoughts on it.

Trees