Hi there!

[Irishbrave]

I'm looking to find ways forward to cope with my ageing adoptive mother who displays all the traits and characteristics of someone with NPD.

I'm especially keen to improve my own emotional intelligence, for my own sake and for the sake of my other relationships.

Wishing wellness and happiness to all who visit this site.

IB

[guitarman]

Welcome. You are not alone.

I have an undiagnosed BPD/NPD sister.

My golden rule has been to always stay calm no matter what happens. I'm fed up with all her death dramas and being a target of abuse. I have set firm boundaries by going no contact with her. Abusers are all about power and control.

Observe don't absorb.

Stay calm. Keep strong. Be safe.

[Irishbrave]

Thank you guitarman,

I really like your "apart" phrase. That's very useful. I apply "observe don't absorb" and am finding it helpful (while still in contact with my 92-year-old adoptive mother) to observe and name her emotions as they occur. That is helpful for me.

I'm also beginning to learn more about ow to take care of myself and how to ground myself after I choose to spend time with her.

I wish you happiness on this life's journey. Thank you for responding to me.

IB

[Penny Lane]

Hi and welcome. I'm glad you've found us but I'm sorry you have to be here.

We have boards for coping with PD parents and for aging parents; the folks there might have some specific suggestions for you.

I highly recommend the author Bill Eddy. He writes about how to deal with difficult people but he also identifies the emotional skills that difficult people lack, that make life easier. Those are: Flexible thinking, managed emotions, and moderate behaviors. Because of my PD experience I mainly read his books about coparenting with a difficult person. Not your situation but I actually think the principles apply to adults as well - thinking about my reactions in terms of those three areas has helped me become more emotionally intelligent, for sure.

Again, glad to have you here and I hope to hear more about your healing journey.

[Irishbrave]

Thank you Penny Lane. I appreciate your suggestions and support. Wishing you all happiness.