Taxes

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square

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Taxes
« on: September 03, 2021, 03:58:08 PM »
I try not to share too much detail but itís really hard to explain the insanity.

Since H fell apart, taxes have been a major issue. He has a small biz and itís a major problem, and he is psychologically bound up with it to a degree that cannot be understated. He is actually delisional about it. He feels that the biz is the only thing that could make life worth living, but is unable to run it. Closing it is not an option to him.

I could do the family taxes myself but the biz taxes, I canít. He is extremely disorganized, cannot keep track of what stock heís bought. He scrapes it all together at tax time.

We also have to have detailed records of every sale so we can deduct the expense of the stock. We are not allowed to do it at once when buying it; only when each item is sold. He is not capable of doing this, so I had set up a complex sprwadsheet that chews up other spreadsheets and spits out results. But I need the data and canít get it myself. Itís about two days of work a year for me.

The last few years he just takes an extension in April and scrambles in October. There is no point in the extension because the scramble is exactly the same. I always suggest we go ahead and finish, with or without an extension, in April, but it makes him angry.

I am thinking this year he may actually notvremember to file.

I can remind him but I just donít want to. Iím tired of it all.

I could file married filing seperately and not mention it and there will be hell to pay. Him being late will be all my fault. I would have purposefully screwed him. It will be a major betrayal. And I resent this. That he thinks I owe him to mommy him and remind him and take his anger about it and do the work with no thanks. And he thinks going grocery shopping is something I owe him big for. All the owing goes one way. His resentment is collosal.

Last year, he wasnít able to make most deductions because he was so disorganized. We overpaid in taxes but it was covered by our refund so it didnít bother him any.

His business costs us money. In the last 18 months he gave $400. But the loss in unclaimed deductions was more than that.

Last year he was thrilled that the paperwork said he earned $2000. But that year he gave us $0. This is what I mean by delusional. No, he is not taking the money and hiding it, he is just working and earning nothing for it. By not taking deductions the earnings were artificially inflated.

He was jubilient aboutbthe $2k ďearningsĒ until I daid ďdid we get any of that?Ē His face looked shocked for a second, he hadnítveven thought of that, just thought he had had his best year. Then it quickly turned to me neing negative and a gold digger. All Iwant is minwy money money.

Iím not asking him to make money. Itís just sad that he stopped living because he is tied to a business. No free time. Canít go anywhere. Canít do anything. Having to mow the lawn FOR ME is the readon he canít get a break. Iím the reason, the sole reason, his biz isnít successful. Yes he has said that. Because I am constantly making him do things. When in fact I have long since stopped asking for anything but groceries ebery other week and rides to medicsl appts, as few as possible. And the trash, I guess. I never ask him to mow the lawn.

He doesnítvreally work on the biz, itís just the reason nothing can ever happen. A weekend away? Ha. That would have been the one weekend he made it big. He would have worked 40 hours that weekend. Oh, weíre staying home? Another day sleeping all day, then.

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Poison Ivy

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Re: Taxes
« Reply #1 on: September 03, 2021, 04:59:19 PM »
square, is there any way you can consult a lawyer or a low-cost or free legal aid organization about the tax situation? If I were in your situation (and I was in a similar one, when I was married), I would be very concerned about the possible financial and legal exposure for you created by your spouse's neglect of the taxes and weird business operations.

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square

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Re: Taxes
« Reply #2 on: September 03, 2021, 05:24:05 PM »
Or, I could just tell him itís time to do then and grit my teeth when he bitches on and on about it.

If I contact a lawyer it would be for a divorce. And I donít need a lawyer to divorce. He will fight me to the death on the divorce itsekf but not the terms. 50-50. If he doesnít do something insane. 50-50 chance heíll kill himself.

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Poison Ivy

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Re: Taxes
« Reply #3 on: September 03, 2021, 05:29:50 PM »
I would do anything legal to avoid being on the hook for tax liabilities created by a family member's negligent or intentional behavior. My then husband's expressed desire to cheat on our taxes was one reason I got a divorce.

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Andeza

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Re: Taxes
« Reply #4 on: September 03, 2021, 07:08:52 PM »
It sucks that he's so disorganized. With the tools available to small business owners online, even paid tools like quickbooks that feed almost directly into turbotax, my DH was always able to do his own business taxes. And we're not tax savvy... We always paid for the service though, to get the version where if you get audited the company goes to bat for you rather than you having to talk to the IRS. It made us feel more secure when we hit that file and submit button.

Darned if you do darned if you don't though... If you file separate and don't say anything, he'll blame you for his screw up. If you file joint and he doesn't actually file, then it's the IRS chomping on your butt for their money. I don't know about you, but I'd be more afraid of the IRS. :blink: They've got power to make your life a living hell in ways even a potentially disordered spouse can't do. If they tank your credit, for instance, and you decide down the road to leave him, then getting another place will be difficult. Right now, I'm just hoping he had enough sense to register as a single entity LLC. That offers some protection of personal assets should someone ever sue the business.

Good luck with your decision. Whatever you decide, I hope it works out well.
Remember, that there are no real deadlines for life, just society's pressures.      - Anonymous
Lasting happiness is not something we find, but rather something we make for ourselves.

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Taxes
« Reply #5 on: September 03, 2021, 08:20:17 PM »
Sounds like a hobby to me.  Why do you have to file at all.

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square

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Re: Taxes
« Reply #6 on: September 03, 2021, 09:02:13 PM »
He is not going to cheat, just forget. And I will remind him. Iím apparently just having a temper tantrum about it.

We do have QB. Which is great. But it doesnít magically track his inventory purchases and match them with his sales. I automate what I can but uf he sells X widget he has to tell me how much he paid for it. And itís not like he is just selling one widget. So if he bought a lot of 50 wisgets in July 2019 and one sold in November 2020 I need him to tell me, I bought these 50 widgets for $60. So I can deduct $1.20 for the sale. Itís tedious, even though Iím extracting sales data from spreadsheets and automating the output to upload to QB in the right format. So we didnít have all the data last year so he said screw it, and we overpaid the government.

Yes, itís a hobby. But if he makes any money, or if he canít prove that he didnít with the correct deductions, then we have to file. He is incapable of admitting itís a hobby. Itís his reason for living. Except he doesnít do it.

Whattver is wrong extends well beyond PD. I donít know what it is.

He was sane when I met him. He worked hard, had goid insight, was not delusional. Disirganized, yes, but just ADHD level. He thinks this is just ADHD but Iíve never heard if ADHD that progressed until the individual was unable to function at all. But he thinks he functions just fine. He thinks the only problem is he married a nagging shrew. Who barely speaks to him, much less has the temerity to ask anything of him.

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Poison Ivy

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Re: Taxes
« Reply #7 on: September 03, 2021, 09:22:45 PM »
I sometimes described my ex this way: "He thinks the only problem is he married a nagging shrew. Who barely speaks to him, much less has the temerity to ask anything of him."

He has been diagnosed with ADHD, depression, and anxiety, and he probably has a PD (avoidant, dependent, or a combo).

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square

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Re: Taxes
« Reply #8 on: September 03, 2021, 10:21:48 PM »
Yeah your ex and my H have some in common.

Mine has adhd, ocd, ptsd, anxiety, depression, prolly sorta bpd, psychosis, and something totally broke in his frontal lobes (maybe the psychosis is part of the same thing idk).

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Taxes
« Reply #9 on: September 04, 2021, 04:17:37 AM »
Frontal temporal dementia and Lewy Body Dementia often start with personality changes and a failing ability to manage work and other tasks.  Memory is often not an obvious issue in first stages.

I think my spouse has a form of dementia. 

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square

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Re: Taxes
« Reply #10 on: September 04, 2021, 10:35:19 AM »
He could have LBD. His psych symptoms are much stronger than his motor symptoms, though, and it sounds like normally the motor symptoms would be stronger.

The other possibility is a medication that mimics Parkinsonism symptoms but I canít even suggest it, I get a hard shutdown.

He believes he is mentally ill but that his meds have him extremely well under control.

Either way it surely will only get worse. Could take a really long time, though.

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Taxes
« Reply #11 on: September 04, 2021, 10:46:34 AM »
Parkinson can have a dementia.

Also if he drinks heavily there is a type of dementia associated with that.

I would encourage you to think about how things will be managed when it's worse.

I just took my spouse to the VA for a psych intake last night.  I want him to go out into an assisted living situation. 

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square

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Re: Taxes
« Reply #12 on: October 14, 2021, 03:56:34 PM »
The taxes are done. I had to keep reminding him.

I told him I will do the dara work that I have been doing to the end of this month and thatís it. Heíll have to do it himself after that.

The ONLY way he could manage that is to do it for every sale, at the time of the sale. I have my doubts if he can, but either way, Iím not enabling him any more. If he fails, he will have to deal with it one way or another. And I plan to shut down any rants about it - guaranteed blowup but maybe if we have three or four blowups he might stop taking his feelings to me to handle for him. About this, at least. (ďYou are the LEAST EMPATHETIC PERSON ON EARTHĒ - yeah, his voice is nicely installed in my brain. Stfu, Voice.)

So, hereís what Iím thinking now. If taxes donít go swimmingly next year (ha) then I will tell him Iíll be filing married filing seperately starting the following year, and he can deal with his own taxes completely by himself. Completely. I will tell him I wonít remind him or anything.

If that results in some kind of liability, I will expect him to pay for it somehow himself. Not just with his usual income. Extra hours or sell a bunch of his own things or quit smoking and other personal cost savings or actually make money on the biz that actually gets handed to the family. DD and I should not have to pay for it.

But who am I kidding? He is nonfunctional.

Sigh. Iím still putting this plan into action even though the endgame is nonexistant.

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Poison Ivy

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Re: Taxes
« Reply #13 on: October 14, 2021, 05:06:03 PM »
Good for you. I think your plan is appropriate.