Foolish To Think I’m OK With My Kids

[Kat54]

Labor Day Holiday is here and summer is winding down. I have to say I'm glad it's over. Another summer in the beach community I grew up in and raised my kids in. They still live there along with my ex, and it's them, being together hanging out, gatherings. They stick together, it's so frustrating. I'm on the outside and not even considered.
I try so hard to keep my chin up and understand it's the family dynamic and not about loving me any less. My uNPD ex is so controlling and needy. And I miss them every every day. 

[notrightinthehead]

I am truly sorry Kat54.  I don't know what to say, but I send you a big hug!

[hhaw]

I hope your kids grow into healthy adults who can build their own lives and include both parents without making one or the other feel left out.

Our kids do grow up.

They move out.

They become less dependent on their parents.

You show them how to be a healthy happy adult with good boundaries and the ability to consistently enforce them.

You cultivate your own joy..... you can still be OK, even if everything with your children isn't OK.

A good trauma inforced T has been worth her weight in gold to that end.

[cgr68311]

You are not alone. I miss our old family unit as well. There are days when the absence  is more intense and there are others where friends or healthy activities help. Imo those are good things instead of just retelling an old  story in my head or thinking of acting out

[Kat54]

Thanks all, their absence in my life has been pretty big. I make excuses to myself but it hits home when I'm back in my hometown and trying to find ways to see them.

My ex is very controlling and they will never cross him, even as young adults. They will always defer to him and appease him in any way they can. I won't do that, and I'm not manipulative and they know that so
It's easier for them to not see me, call or reach out in any way. Sometimes I get upset but it never does anything to help our relationship. It's not that they don't love me, they very much do but with an overbearing father they can't get out from under him.
I hope one day they both can. Son is moving out on his own in another month with friends.  I'm happy for him and it will be much better.

[oak_tree]

Kat54, you are not alone.

I'm looking in from the "outside", watching my SO deal with the fallout of his uNPDex and her continued influence on their kids. It's devastating, and my heart goes out to you. 

[hhaw]

Your live is unconditional, Kat.

Your kids know that.