Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #20 on: September 13, 2021, 03:10:37 AM »
Yes they are still mine.

I did some research and it seems that Afrin spray can act systemically amd it may have been the catalyst for this and previous bad times.  It will be in a zero tolerance list.

It can seemingly get from the nasal area into the brain and vasoconsteic the blood vessels carrying oxygen. Too much and it runs down throat and gets in stomach and acts on the whole system and prostate trouble and bladder issues are not uncommon. .  I even saw where docs said it can bring on psychosis.

Pretty intense for an otc.

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hhaw

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #21 on: September 13, 2021, 08:36:08 PM »
I hope you can get the PD to understand and agree to the new routine he'll be expected to follow.
Maybe the PD can understand his remaining in his new apartment is contingent on following the rules and honoring your boundaries?

You seem so invested in keeping the PD's routine as normal as possible.

I hope you can put that down and make your life and your children's lives as normal as possible as priority.

Every time I picture the PD coming into your space....daily.... as part of the routine yu put in place, I think....that's going to be hard to enforce when it's time to move him back downstairs.....maybe?

If it's a struggle, its going tobe daily and I would be worn down by it super fast, particularly if it's in front of the kids and the PD is behaving like a victim and guilting the kids and dogs and you...... daily.

Just remember you can expand on a routine that's work well, bc the PD is earning more priviledges by following the rules.

It's more difficult to change routines once they're in place,IME.

Like parenting, but with a grown man who's bigger than you.

hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Nietchzsche

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #22 on: September 14, 2021, 11:44:38 AM »
I agree, this will be a challenge.  Boundaries always are.  I will talk about how we will do away with the supper time visits if it becomes a big issue on the way home.  It occurs to me I can bring the dog and visit with him part of the time as well. 

Fortunately mealtime is pretty much about the food for him not visiting and he eats fast.  Watch him change to become a slow eater who chews carefully.

I will feed him restraurant food as a late lunch when I spring him today, and let him make a sandwich for supper tonight so it will start well enough.


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1footouttadefog

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #23 on: September 15, 2021, 02:16:39 AM »
First day back was okay. I took him for drive-thru chow then I stopped at an Ethnic grocery to get a couple of things he likes and some BBQ Bao bums and other items. My DD steamed the buns and made a stir fry we took his down as the house is a wreck and I had been helping him on and off to get his space in order.

We worked in the wall some tonight.  Another session tomorrow and it should be done except for trim and painting the door.  Who knew adding that the end of a board would be some complex.  The floor is not entirely level so each one varies. The door went in easier than I expected.

Anyway his side will be done and look nice and clean and neat and amazingly the paneling matches the floor tiles.

He emptied some of the drawers and refilled them as I expected so I am glad I did not waste time making any real order of them.

He was super excited to find the pudding cup in his fridge as well as the peaches.  He has stuff to get by for about three days it will be interesting.

He opened a bag of chips and dropped on where there was dirt and daw dust. He pick it up and ate it.  So not the old guy.  The cat was playing with a flosser that he dropped form an old suit case He picked it up and started flossing.  When he took a shower I caught him trying to put the same clothes he has been wearing for three days on over clean underwear. 

These are IMO signs of dementia, so PD with fewer filters.

Andy and Barnie are alive and well on my old TV.  He is watching Seinfeld now and I cannot hear it.  Whoohoo.  That is exciting.

There is a mountain of stuff that needs sorted and reorganized. 

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hhaw

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #24 on: September 15, 2021, 11:57:22 AM »
You're monitoring him pretty closely, 1foot.  Is the door between your spaces open right now and..... I'm not judging in any way.  Just curious. 

Does he seem grateful to be home.... in his own space? 

How did the conversation go in the car... on the way home?

My heart winced severaltimes... over pudding cups, dd steaming bao buns for her father...... flossing with the dirty flosser..... eating chips out of the dirty sawdust.

So many balls in the air.

I'm glad you're looking down the road.

Well done.

hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Nietchzsche

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt

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Andeza

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #25 on: September 15, 2021, 12:05:41 PM »
Any time a door installs without major issues, it's a good day, and a good sign about the rest of the wall itself. I'm so glad you have the skills and know-how to handle this, 1foot.

His behavior shift does sound... kinda odd. I am concerned about your safety a bit, 1foot. Advancing dementia can cause behaviors you'd never expect from an individual, and you've mentioned he was violent during his breakdown. Are you taking precautions against another round of that? A safe room with some good locks maybe? I don't know... I just want you and your kids to be safe.
Remember, that there are no real deadlines for life, just society's pressures.      - Anonymous
Lasting happiness is not something we find, but rather something we make for ourselves.

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #26 on: September 15, 2021, 02:11:36 PM »
I don't think he will blast through the wall.  I built it like a normal wall.  It has paneling on his side but will likely get bead. Board panels or some interest g resin panels on my side. I will insulate for noise reduction. 

In the past most violence has been the pressing against wall and screaming in my face type stuff.   This time it was charging with threats and suicide talk.

Could be he was trying to get his way.  He now knows it will land him in the psych ward, or jail.  He got no attention for his 11+days as the others either walked in circles or talked to themselves.

The med changes seem effective, he was on these before but changed due to diabetes.  His blood sugar is well controlled at this time and since he wont be able to graze food and drive out to get more all the time it should stay controlled.  I informed the friends he is a diabetic and can only eat meals out not stop by shops for donuts and cake etc.

The upstairs is so quiet.  I am able to notice that I need to spray lubricant on the downstairs bathroom exhaust fan. 

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square

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #27 on: September 15, 2021, 02:47:22 PM »
I am just curious, what was the constant noise? Loud TV, I guess, anything else?

Iíve not experienced someone who was a sonic tornado before. Thankfully.

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #28 on: September 15, 2021, 03:15:35 PM »
TV, shuffling his slippers, clunky shoes, scraping or rolling the chairs, restless leg syndrome and noise making in his sleep, tourettes like mouth noises, flapping lips, sniffing, snorting, loud eating noises, loud snoring, essential tremors so rattling dishes and utensils.  It all adds up believe me. 

If he was awake there was noise, if he was asleep there was noise. He is a bit hearing impaired and hearing aids made his anxiety higher so we all talk too loud on top of it all.  At least now it's downstairs and muffled.  The "little" stuff does not seem to be carrying upstairs.

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square

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #29 on: September 15, 2021, 05:50:25 PM »
That sounds incredibly wearing.

Does he feel like he doesnít exist if noone can hear him?

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Andeza

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #30 on: September 15, 2021, 06:28:15 PM »
Auditory fatigue. Dang rough stuff to live with. Bet you find yourself just breathing a huge sigh of relief at the lack of noise throughout the day. My uBPDm was a TV on nonstop type. When I moved out it took me a few weeks to adjust to the quiet. I'd feel odd, like something was missing or I was forgetting something. Seinfeld got ruined in our house too, along with a bunch of others. I bet the hearing aids cranked up his anxiety because he could hear all the noise he was making! :stars:

Bead board is a really cheap way to dress up a wall, especially if you caulk the seams and put quarter round or some other trim bits on the raw edges and vertical corners. DH installed it a number of times for his clients. That and shiplap, but shiplap is way more expensive and time intensive. I bet it's going to look lovely once you've got it to your taste.

Remember, that there are no real deadlines for life, just society's pressures.      - Anonymous
Lasting happiness is not something we find, but rather something we make for ourselves.

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Gettintired76

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #31 on: September 16, 2021, 12:38:17 AM »
I feel you so much 1foot, I too had to see my now ex put in the psych unit several time in one summer (w/multiple suicide attempts and police calls). We were separated then as well, I had the children then for a time but was forced to give them back to her who gave them up to her dad. I was manipulated but her dad as well as her home state to let her keep the kids and take her back. But anyway Iím not trying to make this post all about me, you most def are one in a million, and from the bottom of my heart Iím deeply sorry for your suffering and yes even your Hís because yes I truly believe he is suffering just as much. I wish there was some kind of ďmagicĒ button to press to fix it for all of us. Bless you and yours and may you both find peace.

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losingmyself

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #32 on: September 16, 2021, 11:22:20 AM »
1foot, your description says 'hero member' and I truly believe that you are a hero. Hero, to me, describes a person who takes care of everyone around them, while also not forgetting that they are the person who's well being has to be top priority. I am in awe of your strength, and intelligence, and I know that, though things may be tough, ( I wish they weren't) you can and will handle it. I mean, you built a wall! There's nothing you can't do. May peace and happiness follow soon.

Your BIG fan
LM

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #33 on: September 16, 2021, 04:13:10 PM »
GT76,

Please add to the conversation.  We are all here for each other. We gain strength and perspective reading others stories and challenges.

I am fortunate that my kids are college age. I do worry I may have exposed them to alot over the years and staying may have been damaging.

The other alternative would have been to chance a 50/50 custody situation.  I am sore he would not have taken meds if living alone.   A lot of the time in these past years has been at the annoyance/aggregation level that many here would settle for also, I am sure.  We were fortunate that the PDH was willing to be medicated and much was tempered to livable by that.

He is too narcissistic to engage in therapy otherwise he could have been helped even more.

This last mess spiraled out of control over time.  There were actual surgeries and the real recoveries from those mixed in so I may not have discerned what was real physical symptoms from the psychological part well enough to seek help from the psyche folks soon enough.
Not victim blaming here (myself and the kids) just learning from the experience. 

I will be meeting with a social worker to come up with a plan for getting dynamic care for him anytime I feel things are headed in a bad direction.

My prayer has been that I will have clarity about when chancmges need to take place.  It was super clear a change was needed, just not the one I initially thought.

I got out of bed earlier than usual today and it did not seem like a drudgery to do my morning chores. I did not delay being up and about because I wanted to avoid interaction.

I am working on consolidating trips into town to maximize them and keep as much time for my own use and projects as possible. 


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Lauren17

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #34 on: September 17, 2021, 11:42:39 AM »
1Foot,
You are facing a very difficult situation and it sounds like you are doing so with strength and grace.
Well done!
Keep going.
Iím praying for you.
Iíve cried a thousand rivers. And now Iím swimming for the shoreĒ (adapted from Iíll be there for you)