Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.

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1footouttadefog

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Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« on: September 05, 2021, 09:27:29 AM »
Had to take my pdh to VA ER for mental health intake.

He just became u glue over the last months and it got pretty harrowing these past weeks and days.

He cannot come back home. I Cannot live the life with raging mental illness in my home any longer.  He will hopefully be discharged into assisted living.


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SunnyMeadow

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2021, 10:43:14 AM »
I hope he'll be discharged into assisted living too. This sounds absolutely awful for you.

Keeping you in my thoughts and sending hugs.

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square

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2021, 02:43:09 PM »
Keeping you in my thoughts.

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2021, 03:09:46 PM »
I have had a few moments if grief. Not from guilt but rather because I know he is suffering, confused, angry, sad, and anxious.

I dont want anyone to suffer.  I have grieved our relationship along while ago but still have compassion toward his human suffering.




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Amadahy

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2021, 03:13:07 PM »
May the very best situation come to pass.  I'm sorry. 
Ring the bells that still can ring;
Forget your perfect offering.
There's a crack in everything ~~
That's how the Light gets in!

~~ Leonard Cohen

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square

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #5 on: September 05, 2021, 05:07:18 PM »
The way I feel, I could give H all the love in the workd if he would just stop hurting me emotionally.

Distance would acheive that.

I donít understand why some people destroy in their agony rather than connect.

After so much destruction there is nothing left for us, the caretakers or bystanders or whatever. Thereís just nothing left, and all the destruction came to nothing.

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2021, 07:04:21 PM »
Just got off Phone with PDH. I made a call to his nurses station and left a message for him to call if he felt up to it.

He told me he had a better day than yesterday and maybe his nose and breathing would be better. He said I would need to sign papers for him to leave because his hands were shaking too much.  I told him they docs would talk with him on Tuesday so we can figure iht what's next.  He said he would need me to sign papers for wherever they were sending him.  Then he acted like he would likely be better to come home be aise other people got signed out.  I said I did not think it would all be solved that soon for him.  He said, I'm not coming home?  I said I thought the docs might want him to stay a bit longer than Tuesday and we would talk about getting him help with his nose and his mood.

Too sad. 

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blacksheep7

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #7 on: September 06, 2021, 11:50:13 AM »
1footoutofthefog,

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry you are going through this difficult situation, heart-wrenching.  You made a difficult decision which was the best for you and your family.

take care.
I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear.

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Boat Babe

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #8 on: September 06, 2021, 06:04:14 PM »
The way I feel, I could give H all the love in the workd if he would just stop hurting me emotionally.

Distance would acheive that.

I donít understand why some people destroy in their agony rather than connect.

After so much destruction there is nothing left for us, the caretakers or bystanders or whatever. Thereís just nothing left, and all the destruction came to nothing.

So, so true.
It gets better. It has to.

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #9 on: September 06, 2021, 07:02:55 PM »
They must be truly tortured people.

I want to believe that, because another explanation would be they are evil and its on purpose that torment those around them.

I do feel empathy and sympathy for the pain and suffering they go through even if they don't or can't  let us know what they deal with internally. 

If only there were easy solutions. 


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hhaw

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #10 on: September 06, 2021, 08:49:27 PM »
You're a good person ofootf:

A good mom and a good human being teaching her kids how to drop expectation, resist judging and accepting difficult situations breaking our hearts into a million pieces.

There's life after acceptance.

There's peace in doing what's in everyone's best interests, then putting the story down and turning to what joy is available to us.

I hope your calm is restored to your home very soon.

You've earned it.

hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Nietchzsche

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #11 on: September 07, 2021, 11:51:11 AM »
The house is calm, AND I was calm for the first couple of days, but now he is calmed down a bit, likely from he tells me they are giving him.

He is sounding a bit more normal.  I am trying to manage his expectations to come home very gently and not mislead him.

I tell him there are still things the docs need to help him with.  He is being less hostile in phone but not mentioning coming home.

He was just told the docs would not see him until tomorrow and he seemed chill about it.

He is calling alot but just checking in on of the dog liked her breakfast, and when can he call again and what our activities are and wanting to know when my daughter arrives back on campus etc etc.

Almost like he is here.  But the house is alot quieter.  Strangely quiet.  He made noise just sitting in a chair staring at the wall.

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nanotech

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #12 on: September 08, 2021, 12:05:03 AM »
Iím sending hugs.
Wow, what a lot you are dealing with, and you are doing well.
Iím so glad itís calmer for you at home now.
Xx



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1footouttadefog

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #13 on: September 08, 2021, 02:38:04 PM »
It is except for the phone calls.  Now the social worker is pumping him up about coming home today.

Are they trying to make things thst much worse for him
  I have made it clear he cannot be discharged back to the house.

They are givi g my pdh pills to settle his anxiety. They never gave me a bottle of that to give him
  They cannot deal with him in a psych lock down ward but he is okay to come home and go to senior daycare for a couple of days.  Will the senior care place have pills to give him.

They are in my opinion acting like this is a little care taker burnout when the poor guy is having a psychotic break or something. 

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Andeza

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #14 on: September 08, 2021, 03:37:11 PM »
It almost sounds like they don't want him to be their problem and they're just trying to get him out of their hair as fast as they can. Can't imagine why they don't want him around. :doh:

I'm in agreement about the psychotic break. That sounds like you've figured out exactly what's going on. I know you mentioned afrin addiction someplace, not sure if this thread or the other one, but my grandmother has the same thing going. Afrin addiction. If she misses it or has to go off it for any amount of time she also insists she can't breathe. Oddly enough she recognizes it for exactly what it is, but just can't be bothered to work on recovery I suppose? Too old to care maybe. I'm amazed that it's still on the market.

I hope you can find the time today to sit in the silence and let all the nasty stress and whatnot just flow off of you. That or go to the garden and find some nature chill. Green things are good for our blood pressure, not just eating them either!
Remember, that there are no real deadlines for life, just society's pressures.      - Anonymous
Lasting happiness is not something we find, but rather something we make for ourselves.

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square

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #15 on: September 08, 2021, 04:30:15 PM »
Think about eatablishing early boundaries on phone calls. Will you turn off the phone at X time and turn it on again at Y time? Or better yet, have in settings a Do Not Disturb except from certain white listed contacts (like your children) for certain hours. I would include the facility itself in the whitelist but thatís your choice.

Your children would also need to be set up the same way, or locked down even tighter, so he isnít blowing up their phones when he canít get through to you.

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BeautifulCrazy

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #16 on: September 08, 2021, 04:49:46 PM »
Wow!
That is just an incredible amount (and intensity) of stuff to be dealing with.

Sending you so much love and support 1foot!!
I wish there was something I could do to ease your burdens. I will pray for good outcomes for you.
In the meantime, please take the best possible care of yourself and know that you are appreciated and cherished here.

 :bighug:

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hhaw

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #17 on: September 09, 2021, 01:26:04 AM »
Stick to your guns, 1foot.

The social worker has to figure out what to do if you won't take pdh off her plate.  Again.

Stay strong. You have children in your home....they need peace....same as you.  You can't manage psychotic breaks....with it without meds..... it's above your pay grade.

I have deep compassion for your pdh too.  It's not fair to bring him home.  To him or you.

hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Nietchzsche

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #18 on: September 11, 2021, 12:05:15 AM »
I made calls and calls. The social worker did also.

Assisted living places all around and I. Surrounding counties are either full with wait lists, dealing with active covid cases, short of staff and not taking on new clients, or reluctant to accept a discharge from a psych ward.

Where he is now is an issue and does not even have hot water. 

I cannot put him on the street.  I prayed for guidance and thought about putting him in an apartment and could not get a lawyer to meet with about whether or not this was an issue as I am his guardian.

The more I thought about him wandering around Un attended and engaging with strangers just for attention, and being vulnerable predatirs of the elderly  I asked for a solution.

I  going to divide out lower level into two. He will have a studio apartment like space.  A living room with a kitchenette area and room for exercise machines, a large bedroom setup like a studio with TV watchg space, comfie chair, desk dressers and a full sized bed and a full bath.

The rules will be that he comes over toy ace for dinner most nights and visits, then goes back home. He will make errands with us and go to dinner out sometimes.  He will do adult day care a couple times a week. 

Huge boundaries and I will work with social worker in a plan about where to drop him off of things start going off rails.  It must be caught earlier next time, when not if, I will now expect these every so often.

I will be taking some of the money and having my house cleaned as well as his space.  I will outsource more maintenance and other work.  No more the slave.

He will not have access to my kitchen and my refrigerator will not be violated. I will stock his fridge with things for his breakfast and lunches as well as snacks and drinks.  This will also solve his night time binges thst are bad for a diabetic.
Also keeps him away from medicine cabinets etc.

I will no longer discuss finances and adult stresses with him and his access to internet will be via streaming apps with safe libraries of information.  No news and doomsday and violent war footage binging for this ptsd guy.  No more watching surgery videos and obsessing on medical crap


His friends will need to make dates with me not just come pick him up and take him out for sodas and donuts etc.. And then drop by drug store for Afrin that is forbidden by his docs.

I now see why so many mentally ill and vets are on the streets.  They abuse and   wear out all of their SOs and caretakers and then there is no in between living arrangement for them. 

He has Medicare in addition to the VA, I plan to get a parralel set of providers in the private sector so I can have more dynamic care of things are too slow via the VA.

I will be willing to call 911, something I have never done.

In the meantime the MRI shows a little of this and that but nothing enough to name a diagnosis with.  Again they are saying yes maybe some dementia coming on but not enough to make a diagnosis.  They are acknowledging the issues but not naming them yet. 



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hhaw

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Re: Entering a new phase. PDh in psych ward.
« Reply #19 on: September 12, 2021, 04:48:52 AM »
They are acknowledging the issues....
and they're still yours.

Maybe get him on all the lists, 1foot.

And put 911 on speed dial.  You're a saint.  I hope you don't regret this.
hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Nietchzsche

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt