Triggered at work

[Justme729]

I figure this is more appropriate here. 

My head is spinning with a coworker.  Lets just say we have a two fold problem:

1)  We have cultural differences
2)  Her view of being a team is different than my view.  Being face to face, in the same room is her thing. 

I have worked for over half of my life (maybe longer) at finding my voice, not being bullied, pressured, etc.  I have deal with not being good enough or not being wanted or being viewed as the black sheep.  Quite honestly, I don't care to a large extend unless it is going to impact my financial well being or my family of choice. 

I am incredibly frustrated because I am being asked to compromise myself.  Essentially go back into the fog to please this coworker and make life more tolerable.  I am tired of the scapegoats.  I'm tried of the enablers.   I am TIRED.  No is a complete sentence.  It doesn't mean I am not dedicated or willing to be a team player.  It doesn't mean I don't do my job well.   It just means I have BOUNDARIES and I expect for them to be respected. 

How...Just how?   My gut is to just run away.  It isn't an option.  My next feeling is to stand up for myself, which isn't helping matters.  Smile and nod isn't exactly my cup of tea.  I am not good at that.  I tend to explode.  :/

[Cat of the Canals]

Instead of smiling and nodding, what about smiling and very politely saying, "No, thank you!" or "Oh, I don't think that's going to work for me!" There's something quite satisfying about holding to your boundaries but being disgustingly polite while doing so. It makes it a lot more difficult for the other person to suggest you're being rude/unfair/etc. In fact, YOU end up looking like the reasonable one.

[Justme729]

Instead of smiling and nodding, what about smiling and very politely saying, "No, thank you!" or "Oh, I don't think that's going to work for me!" There's something quite satisfying about holding to your boundaries but being disgustingly polite while doing so. It makes it a lot more difficult for the other person to suggest you're being rude/unfair/etc. In fact, YOU end up looking like the reasonable one.

That's actually what I've been saying.   I kind of snapped last week.  I got tired of being polite and getting nowhere.  I'm embarrassed about it, but :/

[Andeza]

What Cat of the Canals has stated so wonderfully is the living version of a saying I grew up with. "Kill them with kindness." People that live for getting a rise out of you, upon constantly bashing their head against a pleasant but immovable gray rock, will eventually give up or get bored. I did this with certain truckers I worked with, and also with one very annoying supervisor that at one point was no longer my supervisor but still functioned as such? I don't even know... But anyway, they never knew how to respond. They were thrown for such a loop that they generally huffed once or twice and moved on to something, or someone, else.

Additionally, there is immense power in you if you can smile at someone and say "No." You'll feel it. At first it'll be a bit terrifying, because saying no seems rude. Then, after that, you'll feel much better.

[Empie2204]

Justme 729, I can only confirm what Cat of the Canals and Andeza wrote.  At the same time, I understand you for not finding it easy to react calmly, but trust us, setting boundaries is the only way. Difficult as it is, it really gives you pleasure and calm in the end.

Only, it takes a lot of practice, even in front of the mirror if necessary. I used to do it, or I run the scenarios and my replies in my brain,  until I learned how to stay composed. The aim is to make the opponent use a new pair of glasses when dealing with you.
Good luck!