Exaggerating/overstating

11JB68 · September 15, 2021, 08:44:58 PM

And.... As usual the hypocrisy of this behavior, since if someone did it to him he would be so angry...
Updh overreacts and sometimes uses exaggerated/overstated language....
We were starting to clean up from dinner and I took a small plate with utensils on it. Updh: No no no. Put it down. (I put it down) Updh: that's terrible. Me: what? He rearranged the stuff and I took the small plate without the utensils. Then he explains (and his reasoning was fine) he was concerned the utensils would fall off the smaller plate..

Ok but seriously... That's terrible??
I guess if that's the baseline then his swearing about my making a loud noise with the recycling just fits the pattern...

It's just so disconcerting when anything I do can be criticized and corrected.

Cascade · September 16, 2021, 12:44:14 AM

Oh yes, lots of exaggeration and making mountains outta molehills by my pdh! It doesn't bother me as much as it used to but he's caused me a lot of stress over the years due to this.

ploughthrough2021 · September 16, 2021, 07:52:39 AM

I hear you there. I get that all the time.

1footouttadefog · September 16, 2021, 08:15:32 AM

Lots of the exaggeration and drama over the years took place in the kitchen or dining areas. I have mentioned several times I see this alot in other people's lives as well.

Why so much anxiety in kitchens, maybe a high percentage of trauma memories are kitchen related as well.

I am pretty sure my pdhs mom must have been a kitchen tyrrany or something he exaggerates things soooo bad.

Questions like why did you just pour ALlll that water everywhere, when I took a recently washed pot out of the drain rack to use it and two drops of water fell from it.

Or "Go ahead and pour ketchup all over the counter and floor" when an air bubble burst from a squeeze bottle while dressing a hamburger.

This is especially hard now that he has hand tremors and makes messes and chips dishes etc and I cannot, as a decent person respond in kind to his messes.

I often think why have the TV on loud if you are busy staring at me and micro managing.

He will not be in my kitchen much anymore, whoohoo.

losingmyself · September 16, 2021, 08:45:34 AM

Overreacting....
Last night he came in the house after working on his pickup. The usual "what have you been doing?" As supper was going, also the laundry. So I told him. He was angry because he was yelling for me for help and I didn't hear him, so that means he can be as nasty as he wants. Maybe he should have come and gotten me. Don't care.
Anyway, there was a one single fly in the kitchen. So he swears because the f-n door is open, filling the house with flies (that one) and he kicks the door shut. Hard. When I tried to open it later to let the cat out, it was a struggle to get it open. This morning, I noticed that there's a dent in it. I said "You dented the door. That's nice." No comment

11JB68 · September 16, 2021, 10:20:23 AM

1foot and LosingMyself
Yes, there is also much hypocrisy around this stuff...e.g. he complains if I make an inadvertent loud noise, yet will put the tv up to 13 (comfortable for me is 6 or 7) then leave the room (?)
and that yelling to me from far away for help then getting angry I didn't hear him....I get that often as well

Hazy111 · September 16, 2021, 10:29:24 AM

Narcissistic supply , need for attention , good or bad

losingmyself · September 16, 2021, 01:51:57 PM

I was thinking about this situation that happened last night, and I realized that I was incorrect in what he asked me, he asked me "didn't you hear me swearing??" he didn't ask me if I heard him yelling for me. And I am thinking- how ridiculous is that?? Even if I had heard him swearing, why would I go toward that? "Gee, let me put myself in a place where I am going to get treated poorly, because this person is frustrated about a thing I had nothing to do with"
Drop what I am doing and run toward an angry bear.. sounds like what I've been doing for the last ten years. I think I have learned to stop that.

blew · September 17, 2021, 03:45:03 PM

Every story my SO tells travels down the same tired road. Starts out relatively normal, but with each retelling the exaggerations build. If it was in the 80s on some trip, it gradually becomes the 90s and then "close to 100 degrees!" There is no need to do this. The stories stand on their own and I'm guessing that the listeners figure it out eventually as well, but -- my SO persists. This also gives them a chance to correct me in front of other people, which I guess is just a bonus! When I start a story saying, "It was really hot. In the high 80s" that's all the opening they need to jump in, correct me and then continue telling the story.

BTW, I don't mean to hijack this thread, but what is this behavior?

Working around the house. Been at it since 9AM. It's close to 2P and I say, "I'm getting hungry." For whatever reason, this immediately leads to "There's food in the fridge." and "I've been working like a dog since 8AM" Both said with a high degree of unnecessary nastiness.
My statement had been innocent enough and I thought my SO might want to go out and eat, but this other agenda immediately pops up and there is no turning back. Two things are obvious; I'm an idiot for not realizing they didn't want to go out to eat and that I somehow was at fault for not having worked 'as hard' as they had. Is this just NPD?

square · September 17, 2021, 04:02:13 PM

The way I read that is that one (or both) of his parents always had some heavily loaded agenda, and statements like "I'm hungry" were never innocent but the start of some manipulation.

So when he hears it, he immediately thinks you have some sinister motive, to try to force him to serve you food, or go eat somewhere when he is not up to it, or whatever.

I've realized H sometimes does that because of his mother. I kinda get it but I'm not his mother. And if he thinks I am can he please just divorce me?

square · September 17, 2021, 04:09:51 PM

Quote from: 1footouttadefog on September 16, 2021, 08:15:32 AM
Questions like why did you just pour ALlll that water everywhere, when I took a recently washed pot out of the drain rack to use it and two drops of water fell from it.

Or "Go ahead and pour ketchup all over the counter and floor" when an air bubble burst from a squeeze bottle while dressing a hamburger.

Yeah, it sounds like you are getting a recording of his mother. Sad.

I don't see this having any effect on your H but for one more B than N like mine, I started saying something that somewhat shuts him down. If he says something critical like that, I say "I'm guessing that's the kind of thing you had to hear growing up. That had to suck." I don't say but H knows the implication, don't repeat this ugly behavior. It doesn't make him apologize or soften or anything but he'll shut up. And continue looking angry. But since I've framed it empathetically to him there's nowhere he can go with it given his personality. (A narc could though, sigh.)

escapingman · September 18, 2021, 02:41:31 PM

All so relatable.

If we have been in a queue for 2 hours, the story told to others is that we were in a queue for 4 hours.
If she found 2 flies in the kitchen, we have an infestation and need to call pest control.
If it was sweltering hot at 30 degree Celsius the story told is that it was close to 40 degree celsius.
When the plane was 10 minutes late we were really suffering as the story told we were an hour late (or even two)

The funny bit is to hear when this stories are told to others and just sitting their nodding knowing the truth. This obviously make me know every story she tells me is also exaggerated...... Love for example when she comes home from the shops telling me about being held up for 2 hours for whatever reason, but looking at the clock knowing she only left the house an hour ago...

losingmyself · September 22, 2021, 03:26:13 PM

Yeah, that. I hear a lot of stories and think "That's not how it happened at all"

Empie2204 · September 23, 2021, 04:17:14 AM

Reading through all your post awakens my bad and sad memories.
All the behaviors you mentioned just pulled out these memories to the surface.
At the time I was putting up with them, I experienced them as situations which could be put on hold until I can find something to justify them. I actually never found a good justification because events simply flooded one over another.

Now that I'm out of this toxic surroundings, they are what they are: stupidities dressed in abuse. I know very well what makes PDs do them but there is no excuse.
I could describe a lot of them - as many of you could, I'm sure - but one is just enough:

An extremely hot summer, our house had no air conditioning.
We struggled through that by opening all windows at dawn, closing everything later and using a couple of big fans.
It was good.
But not for my uPDh.
Coming home from work he objected in advance that we left windows and doors opened. He simply knew it...
Then: we had some errands for which we had to use the door as normal people do. The moment anyone of us grabbed the knob, there was a warning "Close that door, there's hell outside!"
Once I replied I' d like him to show me how to pass through the door without opening them.
He "didn't hear."

Now he is controlling his room climate by himself but has no one to yell at.