Cover-up feelings and activities

[Poison Ivy]

Do you have go-to feelings and activities, i.e., feelings that pop up and things you do that allow you to avoid having other feelings and doing other things? My go-to feelings are anger and resentment (both of which I very rarely express to the targets), which cover up sadness and regret about my bad life choices and lost chances. My go-to activities are working (my full-time job, which often creeps into the weekends) and cleaning, both of which cover up my feelings regarding my failed marriage and other life screw-ups.

[Andeza]

Cover up feelings not so much, but I've been known to use reading, writing, or video games to not feel my own emotions. I exchange them instead for the emotions of the story.

The only cover up feeling I might have is exchanging helplessness for boiling rage. Which... might actually be a good exchange as being mad then usually gets me out of the negative situation that makes me feel helpless in the first place.

[Sheppane]

I've realized that obsessively watching YouTube videos on abuse / recovery while useful can really be a way of avoiding my feelings of fear and sadness. Also obsessively reading articles. To try and understand further   on the one hand seeking validation but when it gets obsessive/ Compulsive there is often some deeper feeling that I don't want to feel.

[Boat Babe]

Not just me then.

Sending hugs to all of us.

[1footouttadefog]

I used to, quite often get myself involved in helping other people with their projects and such.  This allowed me to cover up feelings that my life is wasted at home.  Not regarding my kids, I don't regret that time, but I feel so many opportunities we're squandered by bending and sacrificing for the pd.

The problem is that before coming Out of the FOG, jumping into others people's stuff left me vulnerable to other pds.

I now try to balance this tendency with working on my own projects, and spending time with the kids on day trips etc.

It is always nice to see issues resolved nicely and neatly.   I think I feel a need to see this because my pd related problem. S are of course not easy and never get solved. 

I used to work as a problem solver for others. I was a small business consultant and did IT related repairs and applied solutions to small business and their tech and communication related issues.  That was a healthy outlet, when I stopped working for myself, it was not so healthy at first.

Not sure I have cover up feelings.  I will have to ponder this.

I think I might just veg out and avoid feeling at times instead.  Like getting hyper focused on learning something new or doing a dyi home project.

So yes I some times overwork, but not away from home.  This past two years, I must admit, I did not get enough done and it shows. Now I am playing catch up, but am happy to do so.

One of my goals that is being pushed off all the time is to have a part time venture  growing organic veggies that are not typically grown locally and selling locally as well. I hope to become part of the local food movment locally and networking and socializing.  I miss working away from the house and having connections, and this will allow that as well as supporting a healthy lifestyle anf getting some exercise.

YouTube is too Eazy, way to Eazy.   

[Poison Ivy]

I don't think my activities are necessarily unhealthy or unhelpful. It's more that they can be substitutes for "sitting" with my feelings and with my self.

[1footouttadefog]

Sorry, I did not mean to indicate they were a negative for you, Just acknowledging I had used activities as a cover and that I could see where it had been both good and bad at various times for me.

I was thinking out loud some about the fact I could see a difference before and after Out of the FOG, in that I feel a need to be balanced and to further my goals with my cover ups and not just hide from my feelings with the activities, and be codependent to pds.

[1footouttadefog]

Wanted to add that I have certain roads that are pretty long but end with a dead end or culdesac, of you can call it that on a large gravel circle with several driveways leading from it onto the woods.

I drive these beautiful drives at times and allow myself to feel and grump or cry or cuss out loud as need be.

The Un cover up activity.  I wonder of I would have a pavlovian response of I drove them when not processing something.

[Poison Ivy]

Walking is an uncoverup activity for me. The walking is good for both my physical and my mental health. It was during this morning's walk that the light bulb went on again: "My anger at ex-h is covering up other feelings that are harder to deal with."

[1footouttadefog]

Light bulb moments like that are good things, they can lead to growth and healing.

I hope you are able to process it all as quickly as is safe and with as little pain as possible.

[escapingman]

I have for a long time, before coming Out of the FOG but also now been doing more drinkinh than I would have like to. That has helped med taking the engelska of all the feelings and the fast about how miserable my life with uNPDw has been.

I am also doing long walks to get out of the house and clear my mind,  think most of my future planning has been done during the walks.

Another go to activity is work. I work for myself from home and find all reasons to keep myself busy until uNPDw finally gets her meal ready and lock herself away with the TV.

Now when I am coming Out of the FOG I am trying to replace these activities as much as possible, except the walking which is healthy for me.