Hello

[Dmbrown1120]

Hi everyone. I'm new here and need some support/advice. I was raised by a narcissist, have a brother that is one, and have been in romantic relationships with some. I am now NC with all of them. My current is, though, is this...I recently broke up with a man who has a narcissist mother, brother, sister, and sister-in-law. He is LC with his mother but he is in the fog about the others. They deliberately ruined our relationship. I know they love to keep their supply isolated. They've done this with all of the relationships he's ever been in. He refuses to see them for who they really are, and is very protective of them, at the expense of others. He is definitely a flying monkey/enabler as well as their source of supply. They didn't outright mistreat me, but rather they purposely excluded me from their lives. Only his brother ever met me. He was civil to me at best. They set out to put a wedge between my boyfriend and me so that they could keep him single. They need him to be at their beck and call, and I was taking away from that. I honestly believe that if I can get him to open his eyes about what's going on, we would have a wonderful relationship. Right now he just can't see through the blind loyalty he has for them. Any suggestions?

[bloomie]

Hi there and welcome. It sounds like a painful break up that was greatly influenced by your ex boyfriend's family dynamic. It is really a tough place to be in when we can see the bigger picture of someone we love being so impacted by unhealthy dynamics and toxic family environment that they are unable to see. I am so sorry for that reality for you.

The very best suggestion I can make having married a man who was unable to see for a very long time the damage that was being done to him and us by his family of origin (FOO) is to continue to pursue your own healing and growth. Get as clear and healthy as you possibly can be and it may be something that your ex begins to notice and want for himself. And he has to want to grow and get clear for himself as I am sure you know.

That is truly the only thing that made a difference in my own situation. I disengaged from the dynamics and stopped trying to 'help' my DH see the very serious problems and unhealthy beliefs and behaviors he was enmeshed with. I simply turned toward healing and strength and emotional maturity and health for myself.

It is hard to know what the outcome of this relationship will be as you do that, but I can say with 100% certainty that your life will be better for it when you make your focus what you can control, change, cure and that is always and only ourselves.

We have resources and wonderful conversations all over the boards. When you are ready, join the conversations and benefit from the validation and understanding you will find here.

[blossom]

wow, thats a lot of angles for dysfunctional dynamic possibilities and starting with your FOO....
have to second bloomie's guidance on focusing on your self healing and empowering yourself with knowledge and understanding.    im so sorry for the pain of your breakup, for you both... maybe it will wake up something in him that helps him understand.   
all the best to you...