When they’re sick vs when you’re sick

[Justanotherlostgirl]

When your PD is sick, do they make a huge deal of it? But when you or your children are sick, they have no sympathy.

My child is sick know and updh is nowhere to be found. It brings me back to remembering when our child was in hospital and he was also nowhere to be found. But when he is sick he posts photos all over SM to gain sympathy.

Anyone else?

[11JB68]

Updh does not seek attention from others but gets very needy with me for sure. And yes, I have to take care of myself. Once Ds at 3yo fell and cut his head. H wasn't home yet, I was about to head to the er alone with Ds when h arrives home. I was so relieved.... But then had to wait for h to change his clothes and smoke before we could leave!?? Who does that? Just jump back in the car and let's go...Ds is bleeding!

[BeautifulCrazy]

When they're ______ vs when you're ______.

I could fill the blanks any number of ways......

When they're having difficulty vs when you're having difficulty.
When they're overwhelmed vs when you're overwhelmed.
When they're angry vs when you're angry.
When they're too busy vs when you're too busy.
When they're sad,
having a bad day,
tired,
hungry,
injured,
making dinner....
Yes, this regularly happened with my OCPDh. No sympathy for others, even children (with whom he was often in competition). Dramatic, attention seeking strategies for sympathy or recognition when he was in similar circumstances. And of course, the social media posts to generate more supply.....

[Justanotherlostgirl]

When they're ______ vs when you're ______.

I could fill the blanks any number of ways......

When they're having difficulty vs when you're having difficulty.
When they're overwhelmed vs when you're overwhelmed.
When they're angry vs when you're angry.
When they're too busy vs when you're too busy.
When they're sad,
having a bad day,
tired,
hungry,
injured,
making dinner....
Yes, this regularly happened with my OCPDh. No sympathy for others, even children (with whom he was often in competition). Dramatic, attention seeking strategies for sympathy or recognition when he was in similar circumstances. And of course, the social media posts to generate more supply.....

So true, makes your head spin doesn't it? 

Do you think they just can't see how awful they are, or they know but don't care?

[Justanotherlostgirl]

Updh does not seek attention from others but gets very needy with me for sure. And yes, I have to take care of myself. Once Ds at 3yo fell and cut his head. H wasn't home yet, I was about to head to the er alone with Ds when h arrives home. I was so relieved.... But then had to wait for h to change his clothes and smoke before we could leave!?? Who does that? Just jump back in the car and let's go...Ds is bleeding!

Sounds very familiar! If you DS cut his arm off I'm sure it wouldn't make one bit of a difference, always them first, everyone else second. So infuriating. I hope your DS was ok!

[PlantFlowersNotWeeds]

I'm living it right now! I've heard twice this month, "I think I have to go to the hospital" . And, yeah, he didnt.

I had a breast biopsy, came out fine. Did I get any empathy? Zilch.

If I had a nickel for every attention seeking physical complaint.....

[escapingman]

When my uNPDw is sick I have to help her and holding her har whilst throwing up. When I am sick she is shouting at me for making the toilet dirty. When she is ill she stays in bed feeling sorry for herself, when I am ill and staying in bed I am called lazy.

[Cat of the Canals]

I had a really serious strep infection as a child. I had to get several shots and get a blood draw to make sure it wasn't in my bloodstream. After the shots, I was standing at the front desk while PDmom did all the insurance rigmarole. I saw a bright red chicken streak across the waiting room and the next thing I knew, I was on the floor, and my mother was standing over me, hissing for me to GET UP! I only realized as an adult that I'd fainted, which explained the chicken hallucination. So there I was: very ill, and not at all the type of kid to flop onto the ground for no reason, but PDmom's response was to yell at me as if I was being disobedient instead of showing even a tiny bit of concern. 

A few years ago, she injured her foot. Oh boy, did she milk that for all it was worth. Her doctor recommended elevating the foot when possible and wearing a boot for walking, but PDmom insisted it was broken and she needed to stay off it completely for at least six weeks. She borrowed a wheelchair and crutches from a friend and pretty much had my dad waiting on her hand and foot. It was around the holidays, and she for some reason insisted he cook an entire Thanksgiving dinner on his own for just the three of us. She didn't lift so much as a potato peeler. It would have been fine to do something simpler, like roast a chicken, but noooooo, we had to have a 20 lb turkey for three people.

[11JB68]

Just another girl, Ds was fine really... He was laughing all the way to the hospital, and if I had thought he was in real danger I would have just gone without h. This was also back when I was so deep in the FOG that I didn't even know I was in the FOG!

[Simon]

I was ill twice in the year that I was with my BPD ex gf.

The first time was in the first few months, and it was Flu.
I'm rarely ill, so when I am, it generally likes to hit me like a truck, and my ex was very helpful and considerate for the most part, offering to cook me soup, make the meals (warm things up in the microwave was the extent of her cooking skills), etc.
I'm pretty sure it was because I was still in the idealisation phase that she behaved so well.
Turns out it was around the time she cheated on me for the first time, so it could have been due to a lot of guilt too.

The second time I was ill was months later, and we were well and truly into the Devaluation phase by now.
I had recurring headaches for weeks.
I know it wasn't work that was causing me to have these headaches, because I don't stress about anything.
I'm methodical and very relaxed dealing with problems.
I'm pretty sure that it was just the stress of being with her that was causing these headaches.
Just the total mind-fuckery of everything, but couldn't see it at the time (I never get headaches, and those headaches disappeared when she did...surprise!!)

Anyway, during that week and a half of really bad headaches, she was unbearable.
Slamming the dishes because she had to do the washing up AGAIN!
Slamming her cup down extra hard if I managed to fall into a relaxed, peaceful sleep in front of the TV, and was getting some respite from the headache.
Seemingly causing so many more arguments over nothing.
Being even more toxic about others, and to others during this time.
Kept asking me when I was going back to work, with a glare on her face (that could have been down to the cheating too).
And just general bad and sadistic behaviour that you would expect from a child who was forced to pull their weight.

Imagine how much of a nightmare she would be if she ever got off her arse and got herself a job!
I don't want any part of that, thank you very much! 

I think when their current "partner" is unable to do everything for them, their mask slips, and their entitlement and their selfishness can't be contained any more.

But when she was ill, I was expected to take time off work, get off work early, phone her every 5 minutes or I didn't care about her any more, etc, in fact, completely run her home as well as work and run my home.
And it was never enough.
Still got glared at because she was ill, so it must be my fault, or cause a huge argument because after commuting to work, doing a full days work, commuting home, and going straight to the supermarket from the train to do a load of shopping, I hadn't got back to her early enough and I hadn't bought everything she wanted.

Ahh, I miss those days..........Do I F@!#!!!!   

To be fair to her though, she did have 1 redeeming feature.
She left! 

Life's too short for all that drama and trauma, and the damage it does, both psychologically and somatically.
Enjoy life.
We may only be here once. 

[blunk]

Ugh this was my bpdxh. If he had even a sniffle he turned completely helpless...I was sent a list of things that he NEEDED. Everything from orange juice and cold medicine to magazines, sherbet, and vapo rub. And he had always been that way. He was one of 5 kids and once told me that whenever there was a bug going through the family he was always the sickest. At the time I thought it was because he was the youngest and just thought it was bad. His mother once confirmed it, saying that she often had to stay by his side and tend to him whenever he was sick.

I, on the other hand, don't get sick or go to the doctor very often. At one point I did have bronchitis, and was off work. I asked him to make me a cup of tea with honey because I was wrapped up in a blanket shivering. He boiled the water and then called me into the kitchen because he didn't know how I liked my tea. Or when I was on crutches for 6 weeks and he insisted that I do the grocery shopping and laundry (in the basement), because he had to go to work and I was just home relaxing. Oh and we lived on the third floor of a three family home at the time.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. It makes you realize how little we truly mean to them.

[1footouttadefog]

I will never forget coming out of an Optometrist appointment with conerning news.   The Doc said I have the start of a chartaract in one eye, and glaucoma in the other and thst furthermore he was very concerned about the fact that one hmeye had changed so much more than the other, and that I needed my blood work done to check doe uncontrolled diabetes.

PdH answer, how much?  I said I am not sore he said it's beginni g stages in both, he said, no how much money is this going to cost, your are obviously going to spend as much of X money as possible.

He had received an inheritance and saw this as a threat.  I had received one and spent it finishing our downstairs into a living space but that was okay.

About the only help I get when sick is him usi g it as an excuse to eat out.