Thought I Was Out If The FOG

[Kat54]

Don't think I am completely Out of the FOG. My ex is so manipulative I forget or maybe it's a coping mechanism to keep me from going insane. Many days I'm good and I'm so happy we get along but at the root of things he's the same narcissist, manipulative person,  I'm soo naive of his ways it's crazy... still. He's so charismatic, fun, crazy, people eat it up. 
This wedding that they were all invited to; a close family friend... though not my friends any longer after the very explicit exclusion from the guest list. I seriously thought they had made an oversight and asked...
They invited my kids and ex. And felt they were closer friends to him. Wow, wow...
As my sister reminded me these people hurt someone today but the ultimate blame goes to my ex. Hes charmed them and keeps friends until he has no use for them and they will regret their immature choice. It's his narcissistic way, which they unfortunately have no clue.
My sister lives right next to him, and it's very hard for her to walk the line to be nice and keep my kids close to her. Her eyes are wide open to his ways.
The biggest fear had always been him trying to alienate them From me and my family. They are young adults now so not likely. But their continued relationship with me has been a little distant and it's been so so hard.

[tragedy or hope]

How hurtful to leave you out.

Even when we try not to be too involved with "N's"  we reap pain somehow. Perhaps the couple are his "flying monkeys." I understand the charm and appeal you mention. All show... gets a lot of attention. Life of the party.... I have lived my life thinking..."if they only knew." Chances are, they never will. I don't believe anyone is hurt as badly as the "target person." So sorry you have to deal with this. You could do something unique and special the day of the wedding for yourself.

If it is ever addressed.... "oh!  that was the day of the wedding...? Slipped by me, I had such a good time that day etc... " Take good care.

[1footouttadefog]

That hurts to be sure.

Know that the world is a big ace and full of alot of wonderful people your X does not know. With time you will have a new tribe that is independent if him and his influence.

On a more negative note, if you too get along why don't they know.  If they knew it should not have seemed risky to have you both at the wedding seated separately.  My guess is he is talking another tune around others.

As another said above they keep people close as long as they need them.  This includes you. 

Be careful about being too available or vulnerable to his games. You don't owe him hero levels of getting along. Cordial and polite are all that are required. Don't give too much away and remember everything you say can and will be used against you.

[Kat54]

Thank you both for the insight and advice. I was actually out tonight with friends up where I now live. New people, new friends. Trying to join an art group, a book club.
I'm realizing I have to leave that old life behind and not discard any friends there but make new connections and make this town my home.

These people as far as my ex and I getting along, they knew. When it came to any family event even during our divorce we got together. But I definitely agree he's got a narrative going on to people. He is a pathological liar so not surprising.

I'm learning post divorce lessons, he's nice and cordial we get along, but underneath is the real guy, angry, and very mean. I know as soon as I'm out of earshot he's tearing me  apart, as it's always been with most people in his life. Though I know he hates me extra...
I've always looked for the good in people so while being naive, I keep a wide berth with him.