Money obsession

[p123]

Elderly Dad is getting worse with this.....

Hes got about £40K in the bank but is OBSESSED with not spending money. Hes got a pension but actually saves most of it. Wow.
Thing is its like monopoly money to him. He can't explain why hes got it there he just knows he doesnt want to "waste it".

His apartment/flat is literally not fit for animals to live in. It was lovely when he moved in but hes not spent a penny. They carpet has holes in it (that hes fallen over many times), the cupboard doors are hanging off. He waits for a friend to die then hes straight in there for free furniture.

I pay the odd bill for him and transfer the money to myself. This week I paid for some groceries - £22 or something, then I paid for his "meals on wheels" bill £101 or so it was.
So I told him Id paid this and transfer £120. Hes been badgering me for days now to tell me EXACTLY how much because he "likes to write it all down".

When  I told him look "don't worry I took £120 its ok" he was astounded. Coulnt understand how I'd let him off the £3 or whatever..... Crazy.

Why on earth worry about a few £ when you've got £40000 in the bank??

It seems to give him power I think. He loves to know how much is in the bank. Is this normal?

[Hazy111]

Narc supply.  ££££ .

[1footouttadefog]

Mine always wants to know how much is in each account after I pay the bills.

He actually does not care how I spend it or what we need and buy, he just has a super big need to tally it all up and have the one big number.

As far as the 40K in the bank, depending on his age he may not see that as very much money.  If he is in a place where he will never work again, a new roof, a few sets of tires on the car, a set of dentures and ordinary events could wipe that out before he is done living.

I think the perspective on the savings account changes when it's not going to get refilled by overtime and bonuses. 

So all that to say I thi k it's somewhat normal but pd folks can make it "extra"

[JustKeepTrying]

My OCPDeh is a hoarder and the same with money.  Just won't spend it at all and gets really upset if I did spend any - I stopped grocery shopping because he would quibble over where I bought the food and did I go to the right for the right sale.  Crazy making.

I just cleaned out the house he has been in and we need to sell.  I found bags of rotting garbage.  He would sift through it to see if there was something to reuse.  And all the little things that he would say he would need or we could resue.  I filled a uhaul truck with junk and hauled it all away.  Twice.

I think it's about control.  Excessive need for control.

[Poison Ivy]

My husband (eventually ex-husband) was his parents' caregiver for several years. His mom had Alzheimer's disease and needed to be carried, fed, toileted, everything, all by my ex. His dad was mostly of sound mind but had many severe health problems. Having ex as their in-home caregiver saved them a lot of money. After ex's trips to the grocery store, FIL would go over the receipts and say something to ex if he had bought something that wasn't on the list or spent too much on the paper towels (or whatever). IMO, FIL's behavior was pathetic.

[Justanotherlostgirl]

My husband is like this about food - but it's about money.

I'd make him food. He wouldn't come home to eat. So after a few days I would throw away what had been wasted because it went bad. Then he would get angry I paid money and wasted food. Mind you this is my own money I spent, not even his. He wanted me to account for every last Penny of my own money to him?

Apparently, he has recently told his mother that this is one big reason for our relationship issues! Because I was wasting money and food. Which I paid for. That he never came home to eat. Apparently that justifies like 5 extramarital affairs, daily put downs, stonewalling, silent treatments and etc.

Explain that lol 

[p123]

Mine always wants to know how much is in each account after I pay the bills.

He actually does not care how I spend it or what we need and buy, he just has a super big need to tally it all up and have the one big number.

As far as the 40K in the bank, depending on his age he may not see that as very much money.  If he is in a place where he will never work again, a new roof, a few sets of tires on the car, a set of dentures and ordinary events could wipe that out before he is done living.

I think the perspective on the savings account changes when it's not going to get refilled by overtime and bonuses. 

So all that to say I thi k it's somewhat normal but pd folks can make it "extra"

Sounds very familiar.....

Even when he needs thing she wont spend though.

Hes not responsible for things like home mainenance. and hes not got a car. I cant think of ANY reason why he needs the money.

[Penny Lane]

This plays out with my husband's ex that she is constantly refusing to pay bills or trying to scam people out of money. I think she feels like money is a way to keep score and having money is "winning." That, combined with poor spending habits, make her a disaster financially. Constantly refusing to reimburse my husband because she feels entitled to his money. Constantly getting sent to collections for even very small bills.

[p123]

My sons 18th birthday next week...... This is my Dad oldest grandchild and he couldn't give a monkeys....

Made a big song and dance tonight about putting £20 ($27 is funny usa money!) in the card. Wow...... thats going to buy a lot.
Hes got so much money in the bank he could literally put £20 in 2000+ cards.

Sons Gran (wifes mum) is not rich at all. She gave son £100 which was lovely of her. To put it into perspective she could probably only afford this for 3-4 cards.

I'm so embarrassed by his tight fistedness. Of course wife sees her mum giving son £100 and she knows how loaded my Dad is. Its just so embarrassing....
I knpw Dad just cannot be bothered and the £20 and a card is just an "oh well I suppose I better give him something"