Jumping back into the dating pool

  • 4 Replies
  • 219 Views
*

2nice

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 590
Jumping back into the dating pool
« on: October 08, 2021, 04:41:48 AM »
 :aaauuugh:

hi all

sometimes i think there should be a new category that we can post in which involves dating/repartnering again...

i have been out for almost 4 years - and due to shared children we are both in the vicinity of each others lives- however he has a new intervention order on him due to coming into my home and putting his hands around my throat one drunken night he had a few months ago...some things dont change no matter how long they go on...

anyway, the point here is that I have spent a good time alone and kind of like it for the first time in my life!

sometimes I come to the place where I think i would like to date again and dip my toe into online dating.

last week I agreed to meet up with someone and we met for a coffee- he was lovely, then we met the next day for an iced coffee..
we texted during week and had a couple of calls...then we planned to catch up on the next saturday...and so it begins

I am home with kids, he is working. he texts me 'lets both make a list of 5 things to do on saturday and send to each other' I agreed in between feeding children and preventing them from punching each other.

i then received 3 messages...1. a list of one very romantic option 2. a list of a very fun option and 3. 'well option 3 then seeing as you have not responded'....that was his message when I did not reply in a whole 12 minutes!!

so this is where i start to reflect on returning to dating.

1. people are not perfect
2. we are the only ones who can decide what we will tolerate
3. having a relationship with a disordered person in the past can greatly impact an ability to determine what behaviour is ok in the future- eg. was his message a dealbreaker? or was it just a hurdle?

I decided it was a red flag. I ended the connection and said farewell.

with an explanation that I do not get involved in these interactions anymore.

 :stars:

so I jumped in for one week, and then jumped out again

does that mean I am still scarred and scared? or that i am healed and not prepared to compromise my sanity

not sure yet :)


*

Boat Babe

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1039
  • To survive is necessary. To thrive is elegant.
Re: Jumping back into the dating pool
« Reply #1 on: October 08, 2021, 05:17:07 AM »
That only means you now have zero tolerance for disordered individuals, now that you know the damage and mayhem that they can cause. This only means that you can spot a red flag a mile off, which is excellent news.

I am personally on a dating diet for a while as I need to work on on my boundaries. You sound like you have an yours is in place! Well done 2nice.
It gets better. It has to.

*

2nice

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 590
Re: Jumping back into the dating pool
« Reply #2 on: October 08, 2021, 09:30:51 AM »
thank you for the encouragement boat babe. that is really nice to hear

*

Kat54

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 415
Re: Jumping back into the dating pool
« Reply #3 on: October 08, 2021, 11:03:18 AM »
I think if you see a red flag, you know now it’s something that shouldn’t be ignored. Good for you, keep your life on your terms.

*

escapingman

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 317
Re: Jumping back into the dating pool
« Reply #4 on: October 16, 2021, 12:08:44 PM »
Definitely a red flag and well done for spotting it.

I once got a text from my PDFIL whilst at work, before I had even read the text I had received another one "Hi EM, it looks like your phone is broken".