Work Boundaries: Feeling “safe”

[Justme729]

I can't leave the situation at the moment, all I can do is protect myself the best I can until I can leave.   Hubby and I discussed an escape plan.   

Here's the deal:
I do not feel safe or comfortable around the rest of my "team."  Eye rolls, snide comments, talking shit about others (including children and their families), bullying other adults in the building.  I do not want the ring leader near me.  Retaliation is at play due to a previous situation. 

Would it be OK to tell admin that I don't feel safe around this person and that I will be unable to participate in meetings and other activities jointly with them?    The culture is one where this individual is a known bully.   However, everyone seems to be scared of her.   It is justified by saying she is just straight forward, honest, a "problem solver."  They've lost multiple teachers due to her.   The solution has been to move teachers to another grade. 

Things like team meetings are required, but I am not OK to continue to sit in meetings where I am talked at.   I am not going to sit in meetings where there are underhanded tones and eye rolls directed at me.  I found out they've purposely given me misinformation about a state assessment and other things. 

IDK what to do because I'm not ok with this situation.  I also need my job (until we can act on our escape plan).

[11JB68]

Justme - I am so sorry you are going through this! I have been in these situations WAY too many times (as either a target or a by-stander)-I always feel like we are adults at a job we should all be acting like adults (??) is that too much to ask? And you're right that the 'bullies' seem to get away with it while turnover at the org is rampant. One job where I was not the target I 'refused' to play the bully's game - then I did become a target
At my current place there was a bully - I refused to play, communicated to my boss, and he finally caught on and basically told HER if she wasn't happy she should move on - and she did. The whole environment has changed for the better (some folks who were 'playing' along with her, now that they don't have her, they are acting FINE.)

[BefuddledClarity]

Sorry that you are dealing with this, I recently dealt with something similar--had bullies for management and a coworker. I reported them to HR then got my contract terminated right after...(I was a temp agent).

My coworker would open MY office door anytime I close it to eat to spy on me and report any little thing I do to management. She was a control freak and hardly helped us with the phones because she was "training" the other new person and complained that we're"just talking" instead of taking phone calls(I've been taking back-to-back phone calls and doing things that are outside my job description and in HER job description). She just complained all the time.

My direct supervisor hardly trained us and took personal calls all the time. If we ask for help, we got scolded (even though we were never taught...) and if we ask someone else for help, another scolding despite her giving us one word answers that hardly helped.

Then the boss above the supervisor was a "Yes Man" to both the supervisor and coworker and couldn't make her own decisions and was very unhelpful overall. Management lied to my staffing agency about me leaving work early(I had witnesses that saw me taking a break and getting supplies, so that shut my bosses up real quick). They also gave conflicting information on meetings(ex. Location) and when I asked a yes or no question on location, I got a snarky response---Ive been gone for DAYS sick and had no idea what was happening and just wanted clarification.

Reported to HR...they did nothing but argue with me saying it's OK for that coworker to open my door, it's OK for the coworker to say rude remarks such as "it's common sense" because "isn't she technically the place in supervisor when the supervisor is gone?" And "You're new right now, like me, so what YOU think is micromanaging isn't micromanaging" That's all this HR guy got from my complaint....That's what he said to me. It was baffling that HR could be this terrible.


Anyways sorry for the ramble....

I'll be honest, I'm jobless now, but it's not the end of the world. I feel at ease now and relaxed. I don't have to worry about management or coworker bullying me. I can actually focus on finding a job I want to. I also freelance on the side, so it's kinda a good thing, I can FINALLY go all out and work on my dreams...

I went ahead and applied for unemployment until I can get something "steady" going. My brothers also helped me find a part-time weekend job and said their boss is looking if I need something.

To answer your questions, if you feel comfortable with the admin, I would say something to them or if you have something similar to human resources for where you are from. Their job is to handle situations like these.

Also...If the issue escalates, I recommend to start looking for a job elsewhere. I was actually really happy when they terminated my contract and very relieved. It sucks being unemployed, sure, but my mental health is bit better now. My past jobs have been customer service related, and when I quit the job for the next customer service job...I felt momentary relief to be out of there. Though now, I am no longer going to be doing a customer service job.

Anyways, I hope it all goes well for you! I understand how frustrating it can be working in a toxic work environment. I hope it all works out for you. Keep us posted!

[Justme729]

That's what bothers me the most is admin knows the issue is going on, but wont do anything about it.   I spoke to my coach (she's part of an outside organization).  I feel a little bit better.  Empowering.   She said to not expect the "bully" to change her ways, but she will do some maneuvering behind the scenes (she coaches admin also). 

She reminded me of my accomplishments (my former supervisor works with her now & bragged on me).   Plus, what she's already seen from me.