Your Classic Bait Lines

[11JB68]

SOT I just loved your imagined response in your initial post

[SonofThunder]

His most recent favorite is:

"I don't understand why you're always angry?"

He had had some truly truly awful ones I won't share here because a trigger warning would be required. He is such a sick person.

In the Hoover phase he always has this one:

"You're so perfect. I'm a bad person. I don't know why you're with me." 

And, similar to what escaping man said, I have had almost that exact conversation so many times, but about phone calls and texts messages. For example:

Stbx (after not calling or texting me for days): why don't you ever call me or text me! It's like I do all the work in this relationship.
Me: I used to call and text you, but you don't reply.
Stbx: Yes I do. I don't know why you never call or text, it's like you hate me?!
Me: I don't hate you
Stbx: yes you do! I don't understand why you're so angry.
Me: ok, well I'm busy with work here, I need to go...
Stbx: why can't you see how wrong you are!?
Me: bye for now...

And this is followed by silent treatment from him, when the reality is that HE never calls or texts me and he expects me to do ALL of the work to keep in touch with him, which I used to do. Now that I don't, it's my fault, obviously. What fun 😂

JALG, im sorry you have to deal with this in your difficult journey but also interesting how many of us share similar experiences with bait. 

*As a side-note, its very comforting to read this post from you today . Your particular story is a very difficult one and i am praying for your full goal achievement for you and your child.  In addition my prayers for continued health and safety along your journey. When Out of the FOG folks express prior thoughts and concerns on threads, about their PDspouse having the potential mindset that could trigger physical harm attempts, it always concerns me when It seems that regular-frequency Out of the FOG posts from that person, stop for a period.  Im a HSP anyway so im very high radar in that way haha. 

So just know that you are being thought about and prayed for, by some comrades here on Out of the FOG. 

Now back to classic bait lines! 

SoT

[Hazy111]

EX uBPD  Queen i used to date had a few, some i remember , out of nowhere  "Peter or any of her male bosses (she always hated any female boss/colleague especially if they were attractive, cant think why) said i looked like a film star today"

Or if in a pub and i had been to the toilet and or come back from the bar "That barman keeps looking over at me. He wont stop"   or

" I was walking along today and this guy in his car just  started to making suggestive signs at me with his tongue"   The tone wasnt one of shock or disgust . 

[losingmyself]

"You only have me around to fix things, I'm just a handyman"
"You always have to disagree with me!"
"You didn't hear it because I said it. If the kids said it you would have heard them"
I could fill a book. My response? "Uh hu"

[Justanotherlostgirl]

His most recent favorite is:

"I don't understand why you're always angry?"

He had had some truly truly awful ones I won't share here because a trigger warning would be required. He is such a sick person.

In the Hoover phase he always has this one:

"You're so perfect. I'm a bad person. I don't know why you're with me." 

And, similar to what escaping man said, I have had almost that exact conversation so many times, but about phone calls and texts messages. For example:

Stbx (after not calling or texting me for days): why don't you ever call me or text me! It's like I do all the work in this relationship.
Me: I used to call and text you, but you don't reply.
Stbx: Yes I do. I don't know why you never call or text, it's like you hate me?!
Me: I don't hate you
Stbx: yes you do! I don't understand why you're so angry.
Me: ok, well I'm busy with work here, I need to go...
Stbx: why can't you see how wrong you are!?
Me: bye for now...

And this is followed by silent treatment from him, when the reality is that HE never calls or texts me and he expects me to do ALL of the work to keep in touch with him, which I used to do. Now that I don't, it's my fault, obviously. What fun 😂

JALG, im sorry you have to deal with this in your difficult journey but also interesting how many of us share similar experiences with bait. 

*As a side-note, its very comforting to read this post from you today . Your particular story is a very difficult one and i am praying for your full goal achievement for you and your child.  In addition my prayers for continued health and safety along your journey. When Out of the FOG folks express prior thoughts and concerns on threads, about their PDspouse having the potential mindset that could trigger physical harm attempts, it always concerns me when It seems that regular-frequency Out of the FOG posts from that person, stop for a period.  Im a HSP anyway so im very high radar in that way haha. 

So just know that you are being thought about and prayed for, by some comrades here on Out of the FOG. 

Now back to classic bait lines! 

SoT

Thanks for your concern SoT. I'm busy packing and waiting for my second covid dose where I am. Once I get it, I will be out. My plan is mid November.

Sorry to worry you! I'm still here.

[Lauren17]

So many of these are familiar!
Here are some others.

In the car, radio on, me singing.
Stbxh "You're really enthusiastically singing along to that song. What are you trying to tell me?!""
Me: "Um, I like this song?"
Stbx: silently fuming at unknown song insult.

I am not a morning person. For *years* he would wake me up and then grope, poke, tease, etc until I snapped at him. (Usually didn't take long) then he could be wounded all day. Lauren is so volatile and angry! He was just being nice! No, apology not accepted! Pouting and foot stomping ensued.

"What happened to the woman I married? You used to be so happy!"

Stbx: "I can help with xyz task"
Proceeds to ignore said task. If I remind him, I'm nagging.
If I do it myself it's, "I said I would do that! I didn't realize it needed to be done immediately!"  Note that pointing out he agreed to do said task 3 days, 4 months, or 5 years ago is not acceptable.

[SonofThunder]

Lauren17,

I laughed out loud at your "in the car, radio on, me singing" line.  Hahaha im a music aficionado myself and SO many times, songs and lyrics just pop into my head immediately during a time when my uPDw is displaying some ridiculous PD trait to me.  I have to literally keep myself from laughing (right in the middle of PD trait-drama) at how great the song fits the scene.  I then catch myself inadvertently singing the sing out loud in the house a short time afterwards, because its been silently playing in my mind the whole time during the PD ordeal. 

Lol no audible music has been playing at all, and then SoT starts to sing a song, out of the blue, with lyrics that would have been perfect for a great (but unstated) smart-ass reply to the PD behavior.  This happens so often and i catch myself, thinking "holy crap, ive got to quit doing this!  uPDw's so self-focused, im not even on her radar anyway and she never seems to notice, but i end up getting a good laugh out of it, and in a way, the song was a convenient and covert way to vent. 

SoT

[Associate of Daniel]

As an aside, SoT, my father's career was in theatre so we were surrounded by musical theatre and opera as I grew up.  I'm also a classically trained singer.

There is a song line for every occasion!  Especially from Sondheim's works.

I'm constantly bursting into song, much to the frustration of others when a serious conversation is underway.

But it's a great way to stay detached and keep things light. 

I'm so thankful for it.

AOD

[SonofThunder]

As an aside, SoT, my father's career was in theatre so we were surrounded by musical theatre and opera as I grew up.  I'm also a classically trained singer.

There is a song line for every occasion!  Especially from Sondheim's works.

I'm constantly bursting into song, much to the frustration of others when a serious conversation is underway.

But it's a great way to stay detached and keep things light. 

I'm so thankful for it.

AOD

Thats awesome AOD!   Im not familiar with Sondheim, but will look it up.   I think its just grand, that we non's can use music and humor in this way, as we deal with the ridiculousness, to (as you say) "stay detached and keep things light".   

SoT

[Cat of the Canals]

Ex-husband: "I'm sorry I'm a terrible person."

Me: silence.

HA. PDmil does this one.

"I'm sorry I'm such a burden."

It's so tempting to say, "Are you? Really? Then maybe you could change all of your BURDENSOME behavior."

[Justanotherlostgirl]

I got a new one today:

"It's my problem, I can't control myself"

🤔 what is this!? This one honestly surprised me. That level of self reflection is very out of character. He certainly wanted a "that's ok" response.

[SonofThunder]

I got a new one today:

"It's my problem, I can't control myself"

🤔 what is this!? This one honestly surprised me. That level of self reflection is very out of character. He certainly wanted a "that's ok" response.

I get something similar from my uPDf, as he self-excuses his bad behavior, which also gives himself a mentally wider berth to do it again (which he will soon) because he already warned me (or someone else he's wronged because they got in the way of his plans) that he just cant control himself, so weve been warned.  Then goes back to his perfectly planned, covert self-control to manipulate.   

SoT

[Justanotherlostgirl]

I got a new one today:

"It's my problem, I can't control myself"

🤔 what is this!? This one honestly surprised me. That level of self reflection is very out of character. He certainly wanted a "that's ok" response.

I get something similar from my uPDf, as he self-excuses his bad behavior, which also gives himself a mentally wider berth to do it again (which he will soon) because he already warned me (or someone else he's wronged because they got in the way of his plans) that he just cant control himself, so weve been warned.  Then goes back to his perfectly planned, covert self-control to manipulate.   

SoT

Yes that's exactly what it felt like. "You've been warned I can't control myself, therefore all of my future behaviors are now excusable."

[SonofThunder]

I got a new one today:

"It's my problem, I can't control myself"

🤔 what is this!? This one honestly surprised me. That level of self reflection is very out of character. He certainly wanted a "that's ok" response.

I get something similar from my uPDf, as he self-excuses his bad behavior, which also gives himself a mentally wider berth to do it again (which he will soon) because he already warned me (or someone else he's wronged because they got in the way of his plans) that he just cant control himself, so weve been warned.  Then goes back to his perfectly planned, covert self-control to manipulate.   

SoT

Yes that's exactly what it felt like. "You've been warned I can't control myself, therefore all of my future behaviors are now excusable."

Haha so next time, JALG, it will be YOUR fault if you experience, notice or bring up the fault to his attention.  You should have known now that you understand his reflective-self cant control his abusive-self!  Get over it already!   

SoT

[Justanotherlostgirl]

I got a new one today:

"It's my problem, I can't control myself"

🤔 what is this!? This one honestly surprised me. That level of self reflection is very out of character. He certainly wanted a "that's ok" response.

I get something similar from my uPDf, as he self-excuses his bad behavior, which also gives himself a mentally wider berth to do it again (which he will soon) because he already warned me (or someone else he's wronged because they got in the way of his plans) that he just cant control himself, so weve been warned.  Then goes back to his perfectly planned, covert self-control to manipulate.   

SoT

Yes that's exactly what it felt like. "You've been warned I can't control myself, therefore all of my future behaviors are now excusable."

Haha so next time, JALG, it will be YOUR fault if you experience, notice or bring up the fault to his attention.  You should have known now that you understand his reflective-self cant control his abusive-self!  Get over it already!   

SoT

🤣😂 haha

Oh no, It just hit me. This means something is coming, doesn't it? He's saying that so he can later excuse what he is about to do, whatever that is 👀. 🙈 Is that how it works with your dad?! This conversation was about his work, but I don't feel like it warranted that response so now I'm scared.

[SonofThunder]

My uPDw always baits her self-serving (at my great monetary expense) hidden agenda's with attempted kindness/thoughtfulness. 

-"SoT, it would be so nice for us to spend some away-time together this month, so how about we take a couple-day trip to X?"   "Wouldn't that be fun?"

What that really means is:

"Sot, i need you to take some time off of your busy money-making hard work schedule so you can take me to Xcity, because there is a particular very high-priced new and exclusive item located there at a store that we dont have near us, and I want you to buy me a new one, because the 20 other ones i have in my collection just aren't like the brand new model, and nobody where we live has the new ones, so i will be able to turn heads for a period of time when we return, until everyone who's seen mine, gets one for themselves....why does everyone always copy me!" 

Even locally and much smaller scale "Sot, i was thinking we could go out tonight for dinner and try that new restaurant across town.  I ate a late breakfast and am now hungry, so how about cutting off your work early for a dinner with me?"   

Real meaning:  "SoT, I have 3 stores i need to visit to return items i bought over the last couple weeks and they all close at xOclock, and so i cant make it to all 3 stores unless i leave early.  Since i know you mostly get motion-sickness as a passenger and I also like to quietly peruse social media on my phone in silent treatment of you in our PD-trap-on-wheels, i would like for you to chauffeur me around so i can get all my stuff done today."   

SoT

[SonofThunder]

I got a new one today:

"It's my problem, I can't control myself"

🤔 what is this!? This one honestly surprised me. That level of self reflection is very out of character. He certainly wanted a "that's ok" response.

I get something similar from my uPDf, as he self-excuses his bad behavior, which also gives himself a mentally wider berth to do it again (which he will soon) because he already warned me (or someone else he's wronged because they got in the way of his plans) that he just cant control himself, so weve been warned.  Then goes back to his perfectly planned, covert self-control to manipulate.   

SoT

Yes that's exactly what it felt like. "You've been warned I can't control myself, therefore all of my future behaviors are now excusable."

Haha so next time, JALG, it will be YOUR fault if you experience, notice or bring up the fault to his attention.  You should have known now that you understand his reflective-self cant control his abusive-self!  Get over it already!   

SoT

🤣😂 haha

Oh no, It just hit me. This means something is coming, doesn't it? He's saying that so he can later excuse what he is about to do, whatever that is 👀. 🙈 Is that how it works with your dad?! This conversation was about his work, but I don't feel like it warranted that response so now I'm scared.

Thats how it works with my father.  Since nobody else is going to excuse his behavior, he simply excuses himself and lets us know he did, so he can tell us we should have avoided his inability to control himself. 

SoT

[escapingman]

SoT: The four wheel trap! I avoid it like the plague. We can't travel around the block before she start baiting, it doesn't matter who drives it is always there. Right now she want a 3 hour drive tonight to watch something in the next town along, I know this would be a 3 hour abuse session so no way I am putting myself through it. She has said she will go with the kids on her own then, but I doubt she will do it, knowing her she will find an excuse, blame the kids and then not make the trip.

[SonofThunder]

SoT: The four wheel trap! I avoid it like the plague. We can't travel around the block before she start baiting, it doesn't matter who drives it is always there. Right now she want a 3 hour drive tonight to watch something in the next town along, I know this would be a 3 hour abuse session so no way I am putting myself through it. She has said she will go with the kids on her own then, but I doubt she will do it, knowing her she will find an excuse, blame the kids and then not make the trip.

I have been in that exact situation many times over when kids were younger, and wish i was Out of the FOG like you are now, so i could have avoided the exhausting trap.

SoT

[Hazy111]

Whos that US politician who cant be alone in a room with a woman, cos he cant control himself ?