How to Defeat "Toxic Passivity" by Richard Grannon

[Simon]

Easily my favourite Richard Grannon video.
It's a lecture he gave in 2019 about "Toxic Passivity", and how to overcome it.
It's a very important message for co-dependents.

He talks about Toxic Passivity, what it is, why we choose this way of dealing with things, and then talks about the methods of dealing with it.
He also talks about philosophy (right up my street), and how to develop a healthy one that will help you through your journey, as well as reviewing your value system.
What do you want?

He also talks about how people get addicted to dopamine and serotonin through their use of social media, and the false sense of intimacy that social media gives people activates another addictive chemical in our bodies, oxytocin.
He then goes on to talk about how the repeated storytelling of our abuse and the emotional flashbacks, activates adrenaline and cortisol, making some therapy treatments even more addictive and damaging than social media.

There's also plenty of other stuff, and as usual with Richard, it's very well explained with a dash of humour.
There's also some very good questions from people in the audience.

Although he touches on Narcs, BPDs and Cluster Bs in general, the main topic of the lecture is you! And me!
It's about self-healing.

My favourite quote of the lecture?
"The Roman Emperors, if they wanted to stop the people from rioting, they'd give them more free bread, and more circuses, more gladiator matches. And that's what we have now. That's what social media is. That's what Facebook, Instagram and YouTube is. It's bread and circuses. It's a distraction."

"How to Defeat "Toxic Passivity""
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DK0zqgA3bx8

[square]

Thanks, will have to watch that later today. Because I'm in an unhealthy state of passivity. It's not mynatural state, but my coping mechanism for the crazy I'm in. I find it so hard to manage my total loss of any control over my environment and activities that I cope by being completely passive. I hate it, but I hate is less than fighting a losing fight over and over. Learned helplessness - just sitting on the mat while the electric shocks happen, cause I can't stop them and I may as well try to zone out and just live through them.

I have to be careful with Grannon, though. His personality is appealing and I was on board for a while, but I don't trust him. A PD.

[Hazy111]

Does Grannon still appear in his videos in those tight fitting T -shirts over that ripped body. He looks like he spends a hell of a lot lot of time in the gym (with lots of mirrors??)   

[square]

I'll... let you know.

[square]

Video is from a couple of years ago. Tight black t-shirt.

"Mine" - I can handle.

"I want" - if it has anything to do with H, that's a no go and his voice in my head will pipe up with all the usual bs. Thankfully, if it has nothing to do with him, it's all good.

"No" - generally ok because H isn't usually actively controlling. The deal is that he can do whatever he wants, which is nothing at all. He doesn't ask me to do anything but the dishes, really. And to have absolutely zero expectations that he pull his own weight. He's okay if I row alone, even if I pass out doing it, or I can just let the boat sink, as long as I don't ask him to grab an oar, or comment about the water filling up or how we are out of food and maybe should think about finding land.

But, to say "I'm not happy" - hoo boy, not okay. My brain instantly jumps all over me with his programmed voice, telling me he's not stopping me from anything, what a victim I am, etc.

Interesting - if I were to tell him I was leaving he would inevitably pull out "you always play the victim." But, the act of staying is the victim thing. Leaving would be me standing up and taking charge of my life. Meeting my own needs.

And it would be quite the victim thing for him to say, wouldn't it? The resentment and anger toward me that I was no longer meeting his needs. Well, buddy, you could take some responsibility for yourself and create a marriage that is tolerable for me, or you can eal with it yourself if you choose not to.

But I have to admit, this rings really loudly in my ears. I also instinctively "see" the utter contempt on his face with these words.

What a bizarre bind. For me to continue passively to avoid being labelled a victim (more than I already am, at least). To stay with a man who has total contempt for me. A man whose endless victimhood is precisely the problem.